Questions bipolar version #10

Right now it's Sit Right Next to Me by Foster the People.

Same question.

Demons. Imagine Dragons.

What’s the last band you watched live, if any?

Dusk (a local doom metal band)

For bigger bands before that it was Front Line Assembly, Gary Numan, and Ministry.

Same question.

Godsmack and Extreme. The sound guy for Extreme suuuuuuucked and Sully straight up threw a bottle of tequila into the pit

Do you drink coffee? Tea? How do you take it?

I drink a glass of decaff iced tea every day and sometimes a cup of herbal hot tea later. Iced tea is unsweetened and herbal tea is slightly sweetened.

Did you get to see the aurora?

I missed it and I am so bummed! I heard there was an opportunity to see it again tonight, so I am going to try again.

How has your symptoms been lately?

I've been depressed, at times severely, for at least 3 weeks. Getting better though: actually took a shower today and had a decent breakfast and lunch. Did a bit of tidying up too.

BPD going wild though, making an attempt at a relationship and it's bringing out a lot of that. Fear of abandonment+idealization+low self-worth=constantly wondering what they see in me->more fear of abandonment->some days catching myself saying some subtle stuff to see if they care or actually want to try, but also that probably lets them know I am afraid, insecure, and needy.

Straight up PTSD sx (not the complex trauma stuff that overlaps with BPD) are practically non-existent. I think all I needed was to get away from the places and people that were traumatizing at some point prior to or at the time.

Same Q. Including all comorbidities

Everything, overwhelming emotion everywhere. I don't have any other conditions but this bipolar is really up and down. Today I am feeling elated high, and happy just loving life so much and just a couple days ago I was a crying mess as if my whole world was ending. It depends on my environment and my mood just fluctuates.

But overall, I feel really, really good. I think it's also all this fresh air too and nice cool spring weather. I really wish it could last all year.

Does the weather affect your feelings for the whole day?

Yes! The weather absolutely affects my feelings for the whole day. I just can’t stand rain. It instantly makes me miserable.

I’m also always more depressed in winter and my mood lifts a bit in summer.

What’s your current mood state on the bipolar spectrum?

Probably more on the depressed side, though I'm getting better.

Same question.

I’m on the depressed side. Sigh. Everything seems overwhelming but it shouldn’t.

What’s your comfort food you eat to feel better, if any?

It was chocolate milk, but I’ve switched to the hard stuff… dark chocolate

Who are your main supports?

My mom, therapist and pdoc. I get socialization out of my Bible study group but we're on hold for a bit due to the leader's surgery.

What scent do you find calming?

Grapefruit. In fact I have a probably 2 year supply (started with 3) of a soap that I love. I was really depressed and my OCD kicked in because it was the only thing that helped and I didn't run out so I bought a ton. Which is fine, I like it, but half my bathroom under-sink cabinet is still full of this soap.

Is depression or anxiety worse for you?

Definitely anxiety. Always has been, ever since I was a little girl. It was so bad I used to get stomachaches that my clueless parents called being "nervous".

What's the craziest thing you've done while hypo/manic?

Joined the Army. Literally. It was absolutely insane. I was discharged though; my mental state was very apparent.

Do you remember your manic episodes?

I remember flashes of my manic episodes. A lot of it I don't remember until I start coming out of it after being given antipsychotics in the hospital. I have days that are mostly blank. Once I even had a psychogenic nonepiletic seizure and was taken by ambulance to a hospital, and I don't remember a bit of it; I just know what my husband told me. I'm glad I don't remember most of my manic episodes because the flashes I do have are mostly disturbing, though I do clearly remember some times when I thought I was conversing with God; those times were strangely comforting.

What was the last show you watched on TV?

Call the Midwife

Have you ever had to wear a catheter for a week after having urine retention brought on by your antipsychotic?

Nope, thank goodness!

Have you ever heard/conversed with God while manic?

I've thought I was God, and I heard myself talk and talked to myself so if that counts...? More so see angels and demons.

Do you have normal periods of euthymia where you actually function and maybe even are content? What's that like?

No. I have better times, right now being the best ever, but I still struggle with symptoms and limitations between episodes.

Have you ever figured out how many days of your life you've spent with your therapist? With my current one it's about 42) (52weeksx1 visit each x 60 minutes/24 hours) That's not totally accurate but I've had enough weeks with 2 sessions (and I have) it's pretty close.

No, I've never been in therapy long enough to add it up. I've tried at least a dozen therapists and never clicked with one of them.

How old were you when you were diagnosed with bipolar?

I think I was 18.

If you could choose one song that describes/vibes with/feels like your mania, which song would that be?

“So much to Say” By Take 6

How do you deal with anxiety?

breathing techniques, PRNs, prayers

Do you have "head noise"? (whatever you call it).