Bipolar check-in #71

My mom has been a dance teacher (with her own studio for 20 years) and examiner using the Cecchetti method for over 50 years- and also a dancer herself - and she has never encouraged her students to have eating disorders.

She is 90 years old and my pawpaw is 93.

Ooo they are up there in age too. Can your mum stay with them or is it best to look into a new living situation?

Well mom
Is disabled with MS so she can’t help much. For now they’ll
Go to rehab for a few weeks once they are hopefully well enough. We don’t know what’s gonna happen

I’m sorry. Getting old sucks.

Well I did a couple of more doordashes this evening and I am proud of myself. This is like the first legit job I have had in over 10 years. I think I am going to apply for a job at Autozone so I don't have to use so much gas in my truck. If I get hired at a parts store I can part time doordash in the Spring when the weather is nicer and I can ride my little Honda bad boy gets like 75mpg.

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Sending positive thoughts and well wishes to all struggling, and with family members who are sick. It's horrible that covid is wreaking more havoc again. I'll now be doubly careful during my upcoming travels. If my brother were to get sick with covid, on top of his current struggles, I'd be horrified.

After several extremely busy days, we've finally had a chance to rest, but this coming week will be busy, too. Hubby thinks I should make at least a couple types of Christmas cookies to bring to the US. If so, it must be in the next few days and ones that travel well. I'll likely also bake (and cook) a bit at my dad's house for my brother.

Its not just like a regular eating disorder. I'm also having issues eating enough due to the increase in my Prestiq. Which seems to be working pretty well. As of today I've lost 5 pounds since the increase 2 weeks ago this coming Tuesday. A lot of the time I really have to force myself to eat enough because I'm legit not hungry. I'm working out to build muscle. Not to lose weight. Today I did 19 minutes and I couldn't do anymore so I didn't push myself and I stopped.

My sisters family had the flu this week apparently. My 9 year old nephew had a fever of 103. I'm not sure if they had the flu shots or not. They are supposed to be very effective this year. Or if they took the 9 year old to the doctors or not. They have a Christmas event tonight that they payed a ton of non refundable money for so they are going to see who is well enough to go and who isn't. My mom had planned on going over to their house to watch the baby. I guess they will bring her over here instead who is apparently not sick. The details with them as usuaul are very chaotic and hazy.

I was on the orange pee one for what they thought was a bladder infection and I was peeing blood so my urine was pink!

I'm super tired. Probably food related again. I ate the majority of my calories before 10:30. I'm making better food choices like choosing Greek yogurt and fruit over chips and candy. Plus I think I got a different generic of topamax this time thats intensfying the loss of appetite side effect.

I'm hoping my sisters family can all make their Christmas event tonight that cost them a lot. They paid for 4 tickets and I really don't want to be put on the spot if they ask me to go. It would honestly be pretty rude of me to turn them down. Not just because of the cost but everything else they, especially my brother in law has done for me recently.

Finally finished my laundry. Well, almost- my sheets are still in the dryer. But it took a while because someone else was using both working washers when I went down to put my laundry in. So, I had to set a timer and hope that other person would come back on time to switch over their clothes. Once I got mine in, I used both washers- there are 3 but one is broken- and then used the third dryer to dry my clothes. After those were done, the other two dryers were free, but I just used the one I'd just used to dry my sheets. I had just missed getting my laundry in before that other person- so I had to wait to start it up. So now the clothes are all folded and in piles in the living room on the floor.

N3 is supposed to come over this evening to help me decorate my tree. I hope he doesn't cancel. He's been busy all weekend. Doing what, I don't know.

I have my yearly check up tomorrow morning. I hope I can get up in time and not sleep through it. She's going to yell at me because I didn't lose any weight - I did but I gained it back and it was only 2 pounds so who cares, right? I did get out and exercise a lot this summer, 3 times a week, but since it got cold I haven't gone to the gym. I haven't been there in ages. Lazy me. And N1 is obsessed with working out! She has a personal trainer and that's all she talks about, really. I'd better stop talking about this because I'm starting to feel obese- oh wait, I am!

EDIT: Got the clothes put away and the sheets on the bed!

That is wonderful, about your mom @Moose72. Have you ever danced?

Good for her for not encouraging her students to starve themselves. There has become a tremendous awareness, over the past 25-ish years in the ballet world, to put a stop to creating eating disorders among ballerinas. That awareness came in great part because of a compelling autobiography titled Dancing on My Grave by Gelsey Kirkland. George Balanchine forced his dancers into eating disorders or they were out. Period. The book is just fascinating.

The first 2 ballet teachers I had in the 70's (when women were already encouraged to be unnaturally thin, and so many women lived on diet pills) wanted their students to be as thin and light as thin 12 year old girls. They harped on it constantly. I was "lucky," because I had a thin build already, so going from 110 down to 102 was easy. Fortunately, I wasn't particularly interested in food and I wasn't inclined toward an eating disorder, or I could have dropped down to a dangerously low weight. But I was too tall to be a serious ballerina anyway, so dance for me was just a wonderful, healthy hobby.

I had friends in my dance classes, though, who tortured themselves over the weight crap. It was pitiful. They were obsessed with losing weight and it was obvious that their bodies were not structured that way. The dance teachers... looking back, I'm angry at those women, really disgusted by them.

Hello! Checking in. Been MIA lately I know. My real life activities and the people in my life are keeping me busy. I have been enjoying Christmas festivities until now. Went to a wonder chorale and symphony concert last night and am going to church tonight to listen to the Christmas cantata. I’ve got my Christmas shopping done and everything nicely decorated.

This next week includes a symphony Christmas offering with an appearance from Santa, a bell concert, a Christmas party and baking goodies with my daughter.

I’m doing well. I’ve made several new friends online and irl. I enjoy their company. I’m on the go 24/7 these days. I still workout 5 days a week and practice excellent self care.

I appreciate the private messages welcoming me back. I have not yet responded and I apologize. I’ll get right on that.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo Well I did a couple of more doordashes this evening and I am proud of myself. This is like the first legit job I have had in over 10 years. I think I am going to apply for a job at Autozone so I don't have to use so much gas in my truck. If I get hired at a parts store I can part time doordash in the Spring when the weather is nicer and I can ride my little Honda bad boy gets like 75mpg. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Autozone would be a great idea! You seem to be such a friendly, easygoing person, that type of work sounds excellent for you. I always look forward to shopping at Autozone because the employees are so friendly.

Yes, I danced from age 5 to 12 or 13. I quit dance and violin at the same time because I felt like I was doing too much. I kind of regret it- especially ballet. My mom always said I had a dancer's body, especially my feet. Wow about "Dancing on My Grave"- I wonder if my mom's heard of it.

That's great that you didn't succumb to an eating disorder. I've only been 102 pounds when I was 14 and not dancing but I'm only 5'2". At 17 I was 105. Back at age 33, I was 117 when I was doing judo all the time. But I didn't have an eating disorder. Just lots of working out- 3 x a week. I've tried to get back into judo a number of years ago, but it was no use. I was too fat to comfortably practice judo anymore and certainly am now. I was embarrassed to go back to judo "fat". I think there's a certain expectation in judo to be thin and muscular- lithe, if you like.

P.S. This is my 16,000th post!

I'm hoping some of you see this and will give me an opinion. I could post on the Psychotherapy board but you guys know me here and I don't want pages of opinions, just a bit of feedback.

I mentioned, a page or 2 back, about my most recent session with Mary (therapist). She spent 3/4+ of the session talking about her cat, the vet visit, the high cost of the vet care, how she had to "dip into her savings," and that she thought of me and what would I do because she knows I don't have the money for that kind of care for my cats. (She's correct and she knows how much that worries me.)

I was terribly upset (triggered) by the session, her personal disclosure was not only common, but very inappropriate. I sat there, frozen. I left upset, I'm still upset. I'm scheduled to see Mary tomorrow. I don't want to go to the appointment. I'm tired of setting out for a session with an agenda of topics I want to discuss only to spend the session listening to Mary chat about her personal stuff, as if I'm her girlfriend.

I could go tomorrow and tell her that the session was very upsetting for me. I could take a break and cancel. It's a bit ridiculous, because her birthday is Thursday and she will be working. I'd feel weird to skip tomorrow then go in on Thursday and bring up such a negative issue on her birthday.

I'd appreciate hearing any ideas. Thanks.

I had a case manager like that- she only wanted to chat with me like we were best friends and not do any work. I couldn't bring up the important topics that I needed to discuss because she would come back with stuff about her day or week or whatever. I wouldn't worry about it being Mary's birthday. You're not responsible to celebrate that with her. That should be her private issue. I don't think I've ever had my PDOC or a therapist or case manager tell me it was their birthday nevermind expect me to celebrate it with them. That must be very frustrating for you to have you list of important things you'd like to discuss and to have Mary sitting there talking about her cat!

I think you need to mention these things to her, or nothing is going to change.

If it were me I would need to say something and the sooner it is over the better. Until recently if I needed to confront my therapist about something I did it in writing but the most recent time I was able to do it verbally which felt good.

If it were me I would do it as soon as possible to get it over with.

Mawmaw is doing better today and the nurses are pleased with her eating and drinking. Pawpaw is ok too. Stupid rude hateful relatives are coming this weekend so I’ve gotta clean. They are so hateful to me and the stress always gets to me. Luckily I’ll have time since I’m out of school, practicum and group training.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Yes, I danced from age 5 to 12 or 13. I quit dance and violin at the same time because I felt like I was doing too much. I kind of regret it- especially ballet. My mom always said I had a dancer's body, especially my feet. Wow about "Dancing on My Grave"- I wonder if my mom's heard of it. That's great that you didn't succumb to an eating disorder. I've only been 102 pounds when I was 14 and not dancing but I'm only 5'2". At 17 I was 105. Back at age 33, I was 117 when I was doing judo all the time. But I didn't have an eating disorder. Just lots of working out- 3 x a week. I've tried to get back into judo a number of years ago, but it was no use. I was too fat to comfortably practice judo anymore and certainly am now. I was embarrassed to go back to judo "fat". I think there's a certain expectation in judo to be thin and muscular- lithe, if you like. P.S. This is my 16,000th post!

It's great, though, that you had the basic foundation of dance. Yes, 5'2" is a nice height for a dancer.

Nastassya loved dance and I so wanted to have Noah in dance class, even if for only a couple of years, but the stigma for boys in most parts of this arts-ignorant country is ridiculous.

I was graceful, very flexible, but too tall and - lol, size 10 feet. Hardly dancer's feet. Oh, well. Food was just never especially appealing to me. I hated cooking. When I was 17 I joined the local CoOp, became vegetarian, and ate "hippie food." A lot of brown rice, haha. It was only when I started taking Seroquel in my 40's that I began having a crazy appetite & the stuff got my metabolism all whacked up.

But judo! That is SO cool, Moose! I always wanted to try...can't recall the name...Aikido, I think?? Oh, well.

Congrats on your 16,000