Bipolar Check-in #72

Yeah, closure is the word I'm looking for.

I don’t post as often but I’m reading posts and sending well wishes.

I’m getting my hair cut later today. Yay! It’s long past time as it’s down to my shoulder blades and I’m going to get it cut above the shoulders. I think it will feel so much better.

Mom has needed extra care lately. Not stressful but tiring. I’m going to start sleeping back in my bedroom tonight as I’ve been getting around 3 hours a night with mom.

I’m getting together with friends later to play cards and meeting with a group of women to make vision boards tomorrow. I usually do a digital one but the friendship and camaraderie will be extra nice.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love.

I hope the Americans here don’t take this the wrong way, but the more I read about this situation the more I don’t understand the whole UNITED States of America. Why can’t you get continuation of health care when you move to another state? I don’t get why it doesn’t just carry over? It seems to have the potential to do a lot of harm. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

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Originally Posted by Nammu They had the glasses I wanted in stock. I’m so glad. I love unusual funky glasses. These have an extra sculpted wire piece and a octagon shape. They were inexpensive enough that. I might get a second pair of round ones. I don’t know why but people take me so seriously all the time. So wearing funky glasses I come across a bit less serious. I’m almost always chosen to be leader when there’s a group. That always makes me laugh if only people knew!

What a nice description you've given of your personality I would love to see Elton John's collection of glasses. Just imagine!

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Originally Posted by Moose72 ... Lyrica for what exactly? That’s odd. Have you been on Zyprexa before? I had elevated liver enzymes when I was on it so my Pdoc took me off. She wouldn’t take me off when my chief complaint was weight gain though. Does anybody take Depakote for bipolar anymore?...

No idea regarding Lyrica, Moose. I think he was spooked about the Topamax/optical thing and was firing out med names. Seriously. Lyrica does not treat depression, at all. I'm not sure if I've been on Zyprexa before. So far it's sure helping me sleep, so no Seroquel.

Yes, I've known some people who are on Depakote now. I took it over 20 years ago, but for migraines. I did gain about 20lbs on it. When I stopped taking it I lost the weight. Only Seroquel has caused me to gain weight that I can't lose.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Cough cough wheeze wheeze. And … Steve is sick now too

I am so sorry, Christina.

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Originally Posted by otroo I was put on Prozac and Zyprexa a year ago and my pdoc said it is one of the FDA approved anti depressant treatment for treatment resistant depression. Zyprexa made me hungry.

Thanks, otroo. Yes, my pharmacist said the same thing. No idea why med dude called it an "off label" treatment. I am concerned about weight gain, but I know now to watch how much I eat, which I did not know when I went on Seroquel.

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Originally Posted by unlived I hope the Americans here don’t take this the wrong way, but the more I read about this situation the more I don’t understand the whole UNITED States of America. Why can’t you get continuation of health care when you move to another state? I don’t get why it doesn’t just carry over? It seems to have the potential to do a lot of harm. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

This American doesn't take it wrong, at all. The health care system in the States has been in dire straights since the 1980's. It's getting worse and worse and politicians talk and promise, but nothing really gets done.

The wheels have been coming off the wagon in this country since the Vietnam War. Over the past 6 years the wagon is moving at breakneck speed, the wheels are shimmying too hard and when it eventually implodes upon itself the country will either be rebuilt to create a better nation or it will collapse on itself. The writing is on the wall, either way.

Rain and bureaucracy, laundry and vacuuming.

I feel blah today but I don't know why. It doesn't quite seem like its physical, but it doesn't quite feel mental health related. My therapist send a random Saturday morning email. I had sent her one on Thursday. She just said don't give up hope yet on the job. They may still call. She said we really have to discuss my food situation on Monday and figure out a plan. I'm still stuck on mostly bread and yogurt. I've tried some other things. Some go well. The bowl of Kraft spaghetti I had last night I couldn't tolerate so I basically went to bed hungry. I want to focus more on the job stuff in therapy instead of food. I don't think its that big of an issue. I'm not losing any more weight. At times I just look like I could use a cheeseburger....

My mom called the Dunkin Donuts employee a jerk to her face the other day. I was never treated that way in the 2.5 years I worked at my last job. The lady was swatting my moms hand away so my mom couldn't grab the drink from the bottom. But still I'm kind of scared to go back. My mom has these outbursts a lot at food employees and I've tried talking to her but then she just gets pissed at me for not being on her side.

Does anyone else feel like the days are going by so slowly? I got worked up over my transference T because I've been having a lot of dreams about her. So I went and did 80 crunches. My abs are burning like hell now but shes out of my mind at least.

Oo Elton has much cooler glasses than I’ll ever have. But seriously the way people mistake me for someone who knows more than I know is hilarious. Even when I was young. When my daughter was young we lived in the twin cities and they have many museums and art galleries. Whenever an exhibition came to the cities I’d read up on it and take my daughter explaining things to her. Once an Aztec exhibition came when she was 3 or 4. Being deaf I can’t join the guided tours of docents so I read up before hand. I was explaining to my daughter what we thought we knew about their calendar when a group of Asian tourists gathered around me to listen. It’s not like I’m an expert but people just listen to me. And that was way before I got glasses! I had a friend who told me it’s because I don’t claim to know enough that I sound like I do know more than I do. If that makes sense. Yet by sight alone I get judged and dismissed because I look like an bohemian hippie. I can’t say how many in the psych field or how many pdoc have said their first impression of me was to dismiss me because of the way I dress. But then I talked and was re-evaluated But I love my hippie clothes.

I know right ??!

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Hugs friends

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Oooooh de boo so do do

Well h is in the hospital with possible pneumonia. I'm home alone which is never good for me. Miguel is playing magic at a card shop.

I hope h recovers very quickly. Sorry to read he is sick. Perhaps try distracting yourself with a movie or a positive project you can do at home. H will be happy for you to take good care of yourself during his recovery.

I have so much i need to be doing alas I can’t focus ugh

I saw my dad this morning and then my sister and brother for several hours in the afternoon. The visit with my siblings today was quite pleasant. Thank goodness! We actually had a good time and reminisced about better times. My brother got improved blood test results, from his chemo. He gets a new PET scan to further see the status of his cancer. I hope there's an improvement! If not, it will be so discouraging. His chances of surviving this are slim, but we prefer to be positive. I hope today was not the last time I see him, but it's possible. I saw no good in crying when we hugged goodbye. I don't want to think we are there yet, plus it's not our way to be overly sensitive before it's truly warranted. We are a tough lot.

When we visited my dad this morning we decided to take him for coffee at a nearby Dunkin Donuts. Short visits are all he can handle. We are not permitted anywhere in his assisted living facility except his room, so going out was better. His room is unpleasant in many ways (some disgusting) which the assisted living should handle, but they don't or can't. Can't because Dad is currently still deemed allowed to refuse some things or claim he can handle them himself, but we see he can't. My sister wants to get him evaluated again. We think he's ready for a nursing home. His ability to handle ADLs is now quite limited. He's also deteriorating more, cognitively. For example, today he asked where my brother lives. He also barely talks anymore. The dementia, depression, and/or overly sedating meds? I don't know. He smelled like excrement. I suspect his diaper was not clean. I told my sister that when I saw her. The assisted living only talks to her. I will see my dad, briefly, tomorrow morning, but then we fly to Europe in the early afternoon.

When I had time alone with my sister, I reminded her that she can't keep on doing all of the support for our brother and dad at the rate she's going. I think she neglects herself. Of course I've told her how much we appreciate her and how I'm sorry that I live far away and can't do more. But our brother won't accept outside help, when he should, and he sometimes takes out anger on her. Dad with an even higher level of support would also lighten the load on her.

Not sure what else to write, but that this stuff is rough!

I want to go home, which is now Czech Republic.

Soupe du jour- I'm sorry you have all that going on hopefully your dad gets evaluated soon and you brother gets help and a better prognosis.

I feel silly saying this but for the first time ever I ordered food, accepted a delivery, and ate half of it all on my own. Locked behind 3 doors but still that's great for me.

that is rough. I hope your sister listens to you.

Thanks, Miguel'smom!

Congrats on taking these steps to care for yourself while h recovers! They are significant. I hope your delivered meal was yummy.

I realized today I have no idea how to treat myself. I’m working on losing weight and I’ve always treated myself with food and I’m just stumped on what else to do. Like the concept of doing something *I* want to do exclusively for me is so foreign to me. I don’t do anything I want to do for fear it will make RS upset. I feel that I don’t deserve anything for myself. These are old trauma responses I must undo.

I took a walk today on my own which was very nice, it was cold but I have new fleece lined leggings that are very warm. Plus it was sunny and walking briskly warmed me up as well.

Im generally in a bad mood just because of hormones, so I hope to feel better tomorrow.

What a revelation! Yay!

Has anyone read/watches where the crawdad sings????

Omg…. Wow. Great story!

I read the book. I found it just so so, and didn’t get why it was such a big deal. I’ve read others similar to it, it’s not a new story.