Bipolar Check-in #72

I so wish I could afford a banjo dulcimer. Sigh. I hate always being broke. I’ve always wanted a banjammer!

@HALLIEBETH87 I enjoyed the book too. I want to watch it in Netflix but have been so tired since I found out it was on there 2 days ago that I haven't yet. Maybe tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oo Elton has much cooler glasses than I’ll ever have. But seriously the way people mistake me for someone who knows more than I know is hilarious. Even when I was young. When my daughter was young we lived in the twin cities and they have many museums and art galleries. Whenever an exhibition came to the cities I’d read up on it and take my daughter explaining things to her. Once an Aztec exhibition came when she was 3 or 4. Being deaf I can’t join the guided tours of docents so I read up before hand. I was explaining to my daughter what we thought we knew about their calendar when a group of Asian tourists gathered around me to listen. It’s not like I’m an expert but people just listen to me. And that was way before I got glasses! I had a friend who told me it’s because I don’t claim to know enough that I sound like I do know more than I do. If that makes sense. Yet by sight alone I get judged and dismissed because I look like an bohemian hippie. I can’t say how many in the psych field or how many pdoc have said their first impression of me was to dismiss me because of the way I dress. But then I talked and was re-evaluated But I love my hippie clothes.

Wonderful story about the tourists That sounds like something that would happen to my oldest sister. She's tall and tends to look serious because she's often thinking about things like trying to recall where she left her car, or should she use the bathroom now or later. People take her so seriously and either ask her for directions or act as though they expect her to be mean. Well, she is seldom good with directions and she's never mean. Go figure.


It's horrible that psych professionals judge anyone by the way they're dressed. I'll bet the most talented ones don't. You can get a vibe from someone, even colors from their existence, without noticing what they're wearing.

I've been up since 12:40 I think. And I think I'd feel worse if I went back to bed. Right now I'm in a decent mood I'm just kinda getting drowsy. I went to bed before 5:30. Maybe I'll try a coffee Coke.

I just worked out for 17 minutes. Man that was a tough one. I tried doing planks for the first time. I googled them and thought it looked easy enough. It was not. I did about one full one for maybe 40 seconds. Then 2 half ones for about 10 seconds. Holding myself up like that is tough. Then I did 50 regular ab crunches with the ab pad my mom got me for christmas. Then 40 reverse ab crunches. Which is 10 more then yesterday those are hard too. Then I did 30 bicep curls on each arm with my kettlebell and then 30 squats with my kettlebell and I drank some water after but I'm still out of breath. I can drink my protein shake in a few minutes.

I'll have to work on those planks some more.

At least I'm not tired anymore.

I got the new pair of jeans from my brother in law last week but they still don't button. Normally this size falls off me. My sister was like "how do they not fit at the waist?" Which I think she meant as a compliment. So I ordered some button extenders from Amazon and I'm hoping they work. My brother in law says they will stretch. They are "raw" japanese denim and are honestly pretty stiff but he claims they will be the best jeans I'll ever own. So maybe I just need to break them in. He said don't wash them for 6 months. Then theres all these special instructions on how to wash and care for them since they are supposed to fade into light colored rainbow lines when washed properly. It seems a bit like a headache. But they were about $170 on sale so I'm really appreciative of him and my sister since it was a really thoughtful and extravagant gift. I just hope the buttons work. They are coming today.

5:30 still no sleep even with 2 benadryl. I'm uncomfortably wired. I think I'm going through a mixed episode. My son will visit my husband tomorrow. I'm to twitchy and nervous to go to the hospital. It looks like I'm on a bunch of drugs when I'm not. Then there's the random crying, the constant movement or the paranoia that they may make me stay.

I reached out to h's best friend. I don't know if anything should happen I should be making choices for my husband. So I'm going to be honest with his friend how I'm doing and see what he has to say. He's the one that is soupose to make decisions if we're to sick to.

It’s good!!!

I’m already in a bad mood, and mean passive SI thoughts are popping up. SI images too. I’m going to give it another week because it may improve once PMS is over, but if it doesn’t I guess I’m going to restart haldol. I’m going to try for 1mg though to see if that works enough. But I really do think I will feel better in a week, I get this way every month.

Today we’re going to a “holiday” brunch. It was supposed to be before Christmas but half the attendees got sick with the flu. So it’s today. We were tasked with bringing orange juice. Very easy! I think I’ll be ok through that, though I’ll probably nudge RS to leave earlier than I normally would. It’s all good though.

I hope everyone has a good day, halliebeth and Miguel’s mom I’m thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Early mornin breakfast with my
Fiancé at the Cracker Barrel’s! Lol

MD- There are so many plank variations that honestly you could just do some of those for 40 seconds, take a 20 second break, and do another for 40 seconds. I've been doing that and I can hold a regular plank for 2 minutes now.
Some variations are spiderman plank (pull one leg in, tap it to the ground so your foot is next to your knee, put it back, repeat on the other side).
Dolphin- get into regular plank position but then do kind of a downward dog pose- lift your hips up high.
Side planks- pretty self-explanatory
Commando- this one's tough and I can barely do it for 40 seconds but you just go back and forth between full plank and elbow plank using your arms one at a time
Single arm planks, plank hip dips, and I forget the name but you put your feet to the one side then the other.

Sorry, I just love planks

wfc- I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope it is just PMS because I know how much you can't tolerate the haldol. Find some way to treat yourself

Mm-

I went to bed at. 2am abd got up at 7. Had breakfast abd went to Walmart. Excited to get away from that evil np who’s out to get me

Panic attack. Horrible. What do I do? Can't stop shaking. Nobody's helping me. My Dr. isn't helping. Vistaril doesn't work.

Had a really lazy morning. I slept well, got up at 9. Was bored went back to bed until 11.

But worried about mum, she’s showing more signs of depression. They started her on an antidepressant but it seems sto have made no difference. She went to bed at 10pm but didn’t get up until 12:30 pm I know her legs are getting weaker from not using them. I’m worried about her.

I might be too late for this one but for future panic attacks try deep, paced belly breathing. It’s the only thing that works for me if I don’t have any Xanax. I breathe in for 8 hold for 8 out for at least 10 if not longer until all my breath is out.

I don’t know if it will help you but it’s worth a shot next time.

Well so far being off haldol hasn’t done any damage. I’ve been on seroquel and zyprexa both of which are weight gainers. But I don’t seem to lose weight just because I quit a med that was making me gain.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Well h is in the hospital with possible pneumonia. I'm home alone which is never good for me. Miguel is playing magic at a card shop.

Oh, Mm! I'm sorry to hear about h. Keep us posted. I am thinking of you

Just an idea @wildflowerchild25 - have you ever had a pedicure? They're not only a wonderful way to treat yourself cosmetically, but pedicures are healthy for your legs and feet.

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Originally Posted by cool09 Panic attack. Horrible. What do I do? Can't stop shaking. Nobody's helping me. My Dr. isn't helping. Vistaril doesn't work.

I remember you mentioning Gabapentin. Have you tried it?

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Originally Posted by Moose72 ...But I don’t seem to lose weight just because I quit a med that was making me gain.

Exactly. The most I was able to lose once off Seroquel was 25lbs.

I’m really not sure if I’m ok. Or if I will continue to be ok, anyway. I’m really jumpy. If anyone (including my boys) makes a sudden movement toward me I jump and/or cringe. Like I’m expecting attack. I was at the grocery store (which was a madhouse, that didn’t help) and I thought some guy was staring at me while I was parking. He was just waiting for his partner. Very irritable and feel the need to be alone. The irritability could definitely just be PMS though. Everything else is odd. But I’m going to keep calm. Let it play out for one week. If it doesn’t improve, or indeed gets worse, I guess I’m going to take haldol until I can see psych nurse again. I can’t risk it.

Rained hard and windy all night. But! Haha! This time I was prepared. I packed a bunch of little towels I bought at the Dollar Tree against the corner of the window where the rain flooded in a few days ago. Sure enough, this morning the towels were soaked. Today is cloudy, windy. Heavy rains/gusty wind again tonight. I will be ready with my handy-dandy bag of towels. I was thinking I could use a little sandbag, too.

Only 5 weeks until catchers and pitchers report!

Unfortunately I’m not a fan but I appreciate the suggestion! I don’t like strangers touching me - the reason why massages and facials are also out. I’m thinking of joining a book of the month subscription box - getting into reading more. I used to do a lot more of it. That would be a treat for sure, taking some alone time to get lost in a book!

I went to the store in search of Drain~o. I picked up a bottle and was about to buy it when I saw that they have drain~o specifically for hair clogs! The bottle said it was a gel. I brought it home. Yesterday, I had scrubbed out the tub and used an old toothbrush to clear the drain holes. After 30 minutes of the gel being in the drain, I ran hot water down the drain and it seemed to flow a lot more freely.

Does anybody else here have a problem of losing a bunch of hair every time they shower? I’m really sick of it. I may have to start using the drain~o once a month or something. I also scrubbed the drain holes with a tooth brush. How do I keep my hair from falling out? It wraps around my fingers when I’m washing my hair which is highly annoying. Suggestions anyone?

My Dr. raised gabapentin when I told him my mind was racing. I also took gabapentin 2 yrs ago (1600 mg) for anxiety with no results.

Try squatting

I did for a while. No idea why, or why it stopped. I bought a metal mesh like strainer thing for the tub. I had to take out the plug that was in the tub. The strainer thing caught my hair before it went down the drain. I sometimes had to clear it halfway though the shower. I just threw the hair in the waste basket.. But I’ve read draino is bad for the pipes. This was a good alternative.