Bipolar Check-in #72

Well h is in the hospital with possible pneumonia. I'm home alone which is never good for me. Miguel is playing magic at a card shop.

I saw my dad this morning and then my sister and brother for several hours in the afternoon. The visit with my siblings today was quite pleasant. Thank goodness! We actually had a good time and reminisced about better times. My brother got improved blood test results, from his chemo. He gets a new PET scan to further see the status of his cancer. I hope there's an improvement! If not, it will be so discouraging. His chances of surviving this are slim, but we prefer to be positive. I hope today was not the last time I see him, but it's possible. I saw no good in crying when we hugged goodbye. I don't want to think we are there yet, plus it's not our way to be overly sensitive before it's truly warranted. We are a tough lot.

When we visited my dad this morning we decided to take him for coffee at a nearby Dunkin Donuts. Short visits are all he can handle. We are not permitted anywhere in his assisted living facility except his room, so going out was better. His room is unpleasant in many ways (some disgusting) which the assisted living should handle, but they don't or can't. Can't because Dad is currently still deemed allowed to refuse some things or claim he can handle them himself, but we see he can't. My sister wants to get him evaluated again. We think he's ready for a nursing home. His ability to handle ADLs is now quite limited. He's also deteriorating more, cognitively. For example, today he asked where my brother lives. He also barely talks anymore. The dementia, depression, and/or overly sedating meds? I don't know. He smelled like excrement. I suspect his diaper was not clean. I told my sister that when I saw her. The assisted living only talks to her. I will see my dad, briefly, tomorrow morning, but then we fly to Europe in the early afternoon.

When I had time alone with my sister, I reminded her that she can't keep on doing all of the support for our brother and dad at the rate she's going. I think she neglects herself. Of course I've told her how much we appreciate her and how I'm sorry that I live far away and can't do more. But our brother won't accept outside help, when he should, and he sometimes takes out anger on her. Dad with an even higher level of support would also lighten the load on her.

Not sure what else to write, but that this stuff is rough!

I want to go home, which is now Czech Republic.

I realized today I have no idea how to treat myself. I’m working on losing weight and I’ve always treated myself with food and I’m just stumped on what else to do. Like the concept of doing something *I* want to do exclusively for me is so foreign to me. I don’t do anything I want to do for fear it will make RS upset. I feel that I don’t deserve anything for myself. These are old trauma responses I must undo.

I took a walk today on my own which was very nice, it was cold but I have new fleece lined leggings that are very warm. Plus it was sunny and walking briskly warmed me up as well.

Im generally in a bad mood just because of hormones, so I hope to feel better tomorrow.

Had a really lazy morning. I slept well, got up at 9. Was bored went back to bed until 11.

But worried about mum, she’s showing more signs of depression. They started her on an antidepressant but it seems sto have made no difference. She went to bed at 10pm but didn’t get up until 12:30 pm I know her legs are getting weaker from not using them. I’m worried about her.

I must learn from my cousin how to knit hats for small hens like she puts on hers lol

I must learn from my cousin how to knit hats for small hens like she puts on hers lol

I went to the store in search of Drain~o. I picked up a bottle and was about to buy it when I saw that they have drain~o specifically for hair clogs! The bottle said it was a gel. I brought it home. Yesterday, I had scrubbed out the tub and used an old toothbrush to clear the drain holes. After 30 minutes of the gel being in the drain, I ran hot water down the drain and it seemed to flow a lot more freely.

Does anybody else here have a problem of losing a bunch of hair every time they shower? I’m really sick of it. I may have to start using the drain~o once a month or something. I also scrubbed the drain holes with a tooth brush. How do I keep my hair from falling out? It wraps around my fingers when I’m washing my hair which is highly annoying. Suggestions anyone?

Well I broke down, said somethings I shouldn't have my nephew is coming up to help. H's friend is trying to find me resources. I've agreed if I don't have an appointment with a doctor by the time he gets home I have to go to the ER. He won't be home until at least Friday. The pneumonia looks like glass shards texture in his lungs. All spread out instead of a localized spot.

Is it for warmth or cute? We have a flock I'd like to decorate if it warms them up.

Well we are still both sick but it’s not getting worse so there’s that !

Why are eggs 4.99 a dozen ?? Wtf already we are buying Chickens come spring !

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I used to lose a lot of hair due to vitamin d deficiency as well. I would suggest asking your dr how much to take.