Bipolar Check-in #74

Sometimes I feel like that, when not depressed or anything.

I just feel like I have to focus on what I can control in my life and if that happens it happens. I can’t control everything in the world.

I also sometimes feel like I wouldn’t mind if it happened because life feels like too much sometimes, even though I’m not technically depressed right now sometimes it would feel nice the idea of it all stopping; just oblivion.

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Yesterday was a heck of a day. For me personally, it was fine. No more stressful than any other day. The "fun" came from at least two coworkers being stressed to a concerning level. Whatever was preoccupying their minds and winding them up was causing them to make mistakes which wound them up more. No freak-outs, but I had to do a bit of babysitting which is not a natural state for me.

Sunday service today with my mom. Beyond that, my day is free!!

Thank you, the walk was good but hard , I carried two bags of litter (totaling 14lbs) and some other stuff almost a mile home so that was like a work out lol

I hope you come back/ be active here again someday and I will miss you

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I think I've just been watching too much news. I've had CNN on since yesterday morning. I finally turned it off just now. I was getting really frustrated last night for some reason. I woke up at 1:30 and I was getting tired of my music. I found a couple new songs that may do. Finally I was getting tired so I put on Dark Side Of The Moon and as normal it did the trick and I was asleep almost instantly and I didn't wake up until the album ended and by then it was almost 6AM. I have therapy in tommorow. Maybe spilling my guts to her will help. Although I still am not 100% sure what I am upset about.

Some of those GIFs are.... ew.... and some are downright wrong.

I had a bottle of apple cinnamon apple cider vinegar and an Atkins bar for lunch. I feel better mental health wise although I know these are behaviors my therapist wouldn't approve of. She was kinda cranky last week at the lack of food I had eaten before our session.

Hey *Beth* you’re an active member here and no one wants to see you leave.

How about the ignore feature whilst you practice self care?

I don't know. I have had pain in my arms before. If one has a MI diagnose, my experience is that pain in muscles is attributed to that! This time I am going to be examined by people who do not know of my MI. We have to wait and see how it turns out ...

Thank you for caring!

Beth, if you send send a private post to the persons you think have commited these faults, may be that they have an explanation. Some can only be clumsy with words, be psychotic for the time being or other. Please let them explain themselves ...


You are a kind person and we do not want to lose you from the forum.


Of course we hope for the best for MuddyBoots!


Take care, Beth!

My ky wildcats are
About to play! Go cats!

Yes, sometimes we do that. Me too. You are not alone. When I have had enough, I try to remember to turn it off. It was scary when the American drone was hit in the propeller by the Russians. I thought: "Now it starts", but so it calmed down ... And I hope that it will stay so for a long, long time!

@*Beth* I am sorry you have seen this abuse here on the forums,
I have not. I don't want you to leave as you are a big part of the forum. always so supportive. I guess I am being selfish....please do what ever you want. I will miss you if you leave.
bizi

Well my wildcats lost.

Glad you went and had a good time !

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Glad you are feeling better finally ! Glad you will see M soon. Steve and I need to take a trip to Gatlinburg it’s been far to long. I also want to go back to Rock city and the aquarium.

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Beth I hope you stay but you need to do what you need to do for your own mental health. I’ve taken breaks before and it really helped.

You know I’m always on Facebook so feel free to hit me up there !

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My pain level is ridiculous! My next Skyrizi injection will be on 4/6 I’m just sick of fibromyalgia and PsA

It’s a sleepy kind of day for sure…
Gus and his smooched up sleepy face lol

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Posting this for Hallie

Here’s her Finnegan He’s such a dork lol

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Awww I just want to reach out and cuddle him.
I’m so sorry you are going though this flare. Geez it’s been a long time. I wish you both relief

😂

I think I have to admit the ECT did not work as well as it has in the past. I still feel terrible about myself. I guess that’s something I have to deal with in therapy. Idk. I have to contact my therapist and see if she has any openings for me. If not I’m not going to do therapy anymore. I’m not starting over with a new therapist.

I have one more ECT session on Wednesday and then I’ve voluntarily ended them. That will be 12 total. I’m starting work again on March 27th. I don’t see the point in continuing with the treatments if they’re not helping a lot. It’s just wrecking my memory, I don’t need that.

They definitely helped a little just not as much as they have in the past. I’m really over it. I’m tired of taking my medication too. I’m only taking it because I know how things would go without meds on board and I’m not down with that.

Ugh. I’m just so tired of being sick. I’m almost certain I’m going to get fired again and if that happens I’ll be applying for disability. I’ve pretty much exhausted all my career options.

it’s a sad state of affairs in my mind right now.

Sorry for an "academic" reply as I'm new to the forum - but this is a really interesting topic to me as I'm 54 and I've noticed that some people actually seem to get more empathetic with age while others get less. I feel like I became a more angry person when I hit menopause a few years ago, but since that has passed it's a bit better.

Recently I've been reading about ancient stoic philosophy (not what the world "stoic" has come to mean). Part of the philosophy involves never reacting in anger but pausing, processing your emotions and responding (as opposed to reacting) when you are calm, for instance the next day. Modern stoics advise processing your fear and anger by writing in a journal.

I only mention it because I feel like it has really helped me manage my emotions and understand that reacting in anger is never okay, even if the anger is "justified." This means a lot to me as I have felt so enraged at times and it's so easy to get triggered by stuff in the media or online.

Unfortunately many things (including the Internet algorithm which is motivated by getting and keeping our attention) have learned to manipulate us with our negative emotions. It's more important than ever to behave with kindness and empathy.