Bipolar Check-in #74

I don't know. I have had pain in my arms before. If one has a MI diagnose, my experience is that pain in muscles is attributed to that! This time I am going to be examined by people who do not know of my MI. We have to wait and see how it turns out ...

Thank you for caring!

Beth, if you send send a private post to the persons you think have commited these faults, may be that they have an explanation. Some can only be clumsy with words, be psychotic for the time being or other. Please let them explain themselves ...


You are a kind person and we do not want to lose you from the forum.


Of course we hope for the best for MuddyBoots!


Take care, Beth!

My ky wildcats are
About to play! Go cats!

Yes, sometimes we do that. Me too. You are not alone. When I have had enough, I try to remember to turn it off. It was scary when the American drone was hit in the propeller by the Russians. I thought: "Now it starts", but so it calmed down ... And I hope that it will stay so for a long, long time!

@*Beth* I am sorry you have seen this abuse here on the forums,
I have not. I don't want you to leave as you are a big part of the forum. always so supportive. I guess I am being selfish....please do what ever you want. I will miss you if you leave.
bizi

Well my wildcats lost.

Glad you went and had a good time !

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Glad you are feeling better finally ! Glad you will see M soon. Steve and I need to take a trip to Gatlinburg it’s been far to long. I also want to go back to Rock city and the aquarium.

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Beth I hope you stay but you need to do what you need to do for your own mental health. I’ve taken breaks before and it really helped.

You know I’m always on Facebook so feel free to hit me up there !

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My pain level is ridiculous! My next Skyrizi injection will be on 4/6 I’m just sick of fibromyalgia and PsA

It’s a sleepy kind of day for sure…
Gus and his smooched up sleepy face lol

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Posting this for Hallie

Here’s her Finnegan He’s such a dork lol

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Awww I just want to reach out and cuddle him.
I’m so sorry you are going though this flare. Geez it’s been a long time. I wish you both relief

😂

I think I have to admit the ECT did not work as well as it has in the past. I still feel terrible about myself. I guess that’s something I have to deal with in therapy. Idk. I have to contact my therapist and see if she has any openings for me. If not I’m not going to do therapy anymore. I’m not starting over with a new therapist.

I have one more ECT session on Wednesday and then I’ve voluntarily ended them. That will be 12 total. I’m starting work again on March 27th. I don’t see the point in continuing with the treatments if they’re not helping a lot. It’s just wrecking my memory, I don’t need that.

They definitely helped a little just not as much as they have in the past. I’m really over it. I’m tired of taking my medication too. I’m only taking it because I know how things would go without meds on board and I’m not down with that.

Ugh. I’m just so tired of being sick. I’m almost certain I’m going to get fired again and if that happens I’ll be applying for disability. I’ve pretty much exhausted all my career options.

it’s a sad state of affairs in my mind right now.

Sorry for an "academic" reply as I'm new to the forum - but this is a really interesting topic to me as I'm 54 and I've noticed that some people actually seem to get more empathetic with age while others get less. I feel like I became a more angry person when I hit menopause a few years ago, but since that has passed it's a bit better.

Recently I've been reading about ancient stoic philosophy (not what the world "stoic" has come to mean). Part of the philosophy involves never reacting in anger but pausing, processing your emotions and responding (as opposed to reacting) when you are calm, for instance the next day. Modern stoics advise processing your fear and anger by writing in a journal.

I only mention it because I feel like it has really helped me manage my emotions and understand that reacting in anger is never okay, even if the anger is "justified." This means a lot to me as I have felt so enraged at times and it's so easy to get triggered by stuff in the media or online.

Unfortunately many things (including the Internet algorithm which is motivated by getting and keeping our attention) have learned to manipulate us with our negative emotions. It's more important than ever to behave with kindness and empathy.

I'm so sad that I made a mistake. My Call the Midwife friends will know what a big deal it is that today the new season FINALLY started in the US. I waited all day. I knew it wasn't going to be the best because I still can't focus very well and I couldn't make myself watch the end of last season as a reminder so it wasn't going to be the best but it still would be my favorite show. I forgot until 7:59 which I thought would be ok but somehow my channels aren't loaded on my TV (I rarely watch TV) and the time it took to load it meant I missed too much of the show to bother. So now I have to either find some other way to see it (I think my Mom has something else with access) or wait until the fall.

My depression is slightly better but still has so far to go. I can't wait to remember things and do things on time. I hoped it would be much better by now. Just getting my increased Emsam dose wasn't all it took.


Oh well. Something will work. And I'll see my show eventually. It's not like a TV show is the end of the world.

Did a number to one of my teeth today. Split it in two essentially. Pilling on the pain meds trying to see what will do the trick until morning. The after hours emergency dentist wanted $500 cash to pull the tooth. As much as it quite literally pains me, I demurred.

So long as I can get some pain-free sleep, I'm at the dentist first thing in the morning. Fingers crossed!

Aww hun I’m so sorry ECT isn’t really turning things around

I wish I had some magic words. I’m here if you need a shoulder

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It’s always some kind crap we can’t manage isnt it !! But it’s okay to be upset about. I have a free shows that I get really upset if I miss them.

Hope you can watch somehow.

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I’m so sorry that happened. The cost of dental anything is Ridiculous!!!

Hope the pain is manageable

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I had an appointment with my mother at almost 95 today. We were going to shop new cloth to both of us and share a meal afterward.

Sorry to say, the pain in my body was too strong. I had to cancel our appointment because I was afraid that the "flu like" pain is a real flu. I didn't want to be the one who gave her some sickness. After all she is very old ...

I feel sad today, not only for having to cancel our appointment, but because I have started to wonder about what this really is. May be a flu, but what if it is Fibromyalgia? I have pain even beneath my feet. I don't think I can take more ...

4 days left until my big move!

I went for the final inspection yesterday and it still looks as fabulous as the first day I saw it. You can tell they’ve done a great job cleaning. Only problem is my chihuahua can definitely fit through the front gate. We’re going to have to buy some bricks for there this weekend because he won’t be able to knock them over.

Today I plan on packing the rest of the stuff in my son’s room. I’ve cleaned out most of his room but I didn’t move his bed or his chest of drawers and they will definitely have toys under them.

I did absolutely no packing yesterday. I was just sooo exhausted. My son fell asleep at 3pm on my bed with my iPad. I tried to catch up on some 💤 then but I didn’t fall asleep. It’s 2:44am now and I know I won’t fall back asleep.

I see my T tonight! I’m really excited to see her. I haven’t seen her for a year and a half. She just got too expensive at $200 a session and I don’t get any of that back. But I decided to bite the bullet. Next time I “see” her will be online like the good old days of covid lockdown because I would have moved and she’ll be an hour away from my place.

I really wanted to see my pdoc this week but he’s on leave and then he’s fully booked next week. I’ll have to go over my Easter break. Will have been 3 months since I’ve seen him by then.

Made aqua fitness this morning despite having very little sleep. Oh I say, I just finally fell into deep sleep when the alarm went off. Heh everyone I talked to this morning was feeling guilty because they didn’t go last week. It was just too cold. It’s supposed to be warming up and everyone not just me is fed up with the cold.

This afternoon I have my nails. Then I gotta stop by the pet store and see if they have super high calorie cat food Sir might eat. He’s still losing weight despite his bloodwork being good. He looks good though and his coat is in excellent shape.

I'm just going to give in and see my kidney doctor sooner then May. These symptoms arent getting any better and my left side hurts along with the nausea and hesistancy and all that. My doctor mentioned the possibilty of wanting to do a kidney biopsy one time which has me freaked out after my thyroid one last summer.

I truly feel for people who find lithium and tout it as their miracle drug and can find a sense of normalcy after struggling all their lives. Then soon their mental health and their kidneys gets ****ed up again. It never did anything for me and I made the transistion to Lamictal very smoothly.

I tried switching therapy to remote and she was like "thats totally ok and if you want to rest today, I can do zoom tommorow." Yeah, I know I'm her first client so if she doesn't see me today that gives her a huge chunk of the day off. But I'm struggling making the walk to the bathroom I am not up to a session anyways so I said yeah tommorow would be fine. But idk. I found it to be kinda manipulative. If thats the right word.

Anyways I plan on calling my doctor today to see what he has open.

I heard people are going to build a human moat along Mar-A-Largo tommorow. Lol