Bipolar Check-In #76

I don't get passionate about a whole lot, or claim to know a whole lot, but I have wondered:

At what point does intake of calories which is primarily for energy, become wasted, and hinder health? Like we are not hibernating correct? Everyone is different but it's pretty easy to know if one more bite of food is necessary vs. pushing it.

I went grocery shopping today in-person for the first time since last Summer. I've been ordering my groceries online since i wasn't healthy enough to go in-person during my 11-month illness. I can go in-person now that i'm not buying cases of pop and pay flat in-store prices. I have an excellent shopping cart. My whole order came to only $55CDN. I'm used to paying two or three times that price!

Whew -- it was hard. More while i tried to shop in the discount department store, where everything is unfamiliar and the store layout doesn't make sense to me and the staff don't know where anything is either and lots of items are just plain not on the shelves and it's a mess and the shabbiest people.

I quickly abandoned that store and darted back to my proper grocery store, where i have shopped for 24 years and everything is familiar and the store layout makes sense to me and the shelves are well-stocked and it's clean and tidy and the people look healthy and the staff are competent. I had much better success there. I'll go there from now on and if i pay a few percent more, whatever, it's worth it to keep my psyche intact.

I'm having more trouble keeping my sodium number down than my calories. I made a zero-sodium dinner of salad, beans and rice. It LOOKED really good. The colors really popped. But it did not taste very good. And then i felt so gipped i got an individual serving 28g bag of cheesies and a pop.

But my doctor says not to let perfection be the enemy of good, in dieting (lifestyle change). So i will keep in mind that this is still an 80% reduction in pop on a daily basis since prior to my health scare two weeks ago and a 60% reduction in salty snacks.

I have to have some patience and tolerance for skill-building. I can think of a few things that would have improved the meal, like red wine vinegar on the salad, and salt-free seasoning on everything, for example.

Thanks, Mountaindewed, for the reference to 'poodle science.' That's why it's so useful to have some young people here on the forum, to bring forward the new ideas. I watched the video and it made a lot of sense. For me, tho, i have not been healthy at this size, so i will continue to struggle with that. But i agree that a variety of shapes and sizes can be healthy.

And i ate dinner at the table!

@Sunflower123, it's good that you and your doc saw the kidney damage now versus later and removed the Lithium to halt further damage. I was taken off Lithium for the same reason about 8 or 10 years ago. In my case, the damage has not really worsened much these past years. I know I must try to avoid diabetes, since that can worsen them. I'm pre-diabetic, though, so teeter on the edge. I try to drink lots of water, which I've been advised to do. I was also advised by a nephrologist to limit "dark sodas", like cola or root beer and not go overboard with red meat consumption. These are not hard for me.

At least you have until Christmas to find the med provider. I used to struggle finding therapists in the US. Just keep searching. One will be found.

Congrats on your daughter's engagement. How lovely.

I haven't shared my experience with Ozempic, and i've realized it may be of interest to some, so i'll do it now.

I'm obese and pre-diabetic, so in January, after yet another failed attempt to diet (lifestyle change), my doctor recommended the drug. I was astonished at the price. I don't have a private medical plan. It was $250CDN for a one-month starter-supply! That's $3000 a year! Not sure if the price goes up later in the protocol, but presumably.

I was skeptical because according to my doctor, you have to take it forever and gain back the weight if you stop. Also, according to my doctor, it's a brand-new drug, with studies of only one year in length done on it. Also, according to my doctor the average weight loss is only 15% of body weight, which is hard to get excited about. If it was like 50%, i'd be more inclined.

But i was desperate so i reluctantly paid my $250 and set about giving it a try.

I found it made me extremely nauseous. I felt too sick to move and got little done. It made me feel like i was vibrating. At the end of the week i weighed-in and i'd lost only a niggardly 0.1 pounds. A tenth of a pound for all that suffering! I was demoralized and stopped.

Now, of course, a one-week trial of a drug is not conclusive. But i felt for all the above reasons that it was not sustainable and definitely not worthy of the cost.

Anyways, i'm finding since i stopped the excessive diet cola that i am able to diet (lifestyle change) traditionally, and it certainly is cheaper. I'm more comfortable counting calories than taking an expensive, relatively untested drug with unacceptable side-effects, negligible results, an unimpressive outlook and a lifetime commitment.

I know Tart Cherry Jam has had excellent results with it, and i respect that. I just know for me, it is not the right solution.

It's so chilly right now where I am. Wet and 15 C (59 F). Everybody is wearing jackets. It will warm up later this week, though.

I'm getting stressed again regarding inheritance stuff. Hubby encouraged me to get a real estate lawyer to handle a buyout. We talked to her today and she went on and on and on, confusing me a lot of the time. She found little "problems" with stuff that's not really in my control. Oh, how I wish this was all over! I also hope hiring her is worth it. We asked for her help a while back and she cost more than was worth it, in my view. I don't like shelling out big money for low benefit. I need all that I can keep. But Hubby insists it will be worth it.

I don't feel good again. It started around 10 last night. Idk if its the metformin or the other stuff. I didn't get much sleep after 10 though. I've decided not to go on my annual lake trip. It will just be too much physically. My GI doctor messaged me this morning and he is ordering a small bowel follow through test and then possibly some carbohydrate intolerance testing. So many tests. Plus the pelvic pain shots. And I am so constipated I thought metformin was supposed to give you diarrhea. Even with Mirolax I'm not having any luck.

Idk. Today is just an off day for me.

I was excited about seeing my daughter this weekend but their apartment complex just got hit with a tornado during this severe weather and it damaged it. We are so blessed. My soon to be son-in-law was home recuperating from surgery. They will need to find somewhere to stay until everything is fixed. They are always welcome here but they work and live 2 hours away.
Our lights were out here for a long time.

I’m doing okay today. I feel more hopeful.

I truly appreciate folks kind mentions and helpful comments. Thank you so much.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day

With my sister she’s been in high anxiety over this stuff, and for a bit me too, with the moving. I can’t imagine what a mess it must be with your misanthropic brother in law. Wish it was all over for you. Oh man, why can’t it be simple?

Whew! Today was a hard day in dieting (lifestyle change). I made it tho, no pop, no chips. Yay!

I wish people wouldn't butt in and hijack stuff and then make rude remarks.

I had a really good counseling session today. I somewhat truthfully/somewhat jokingly told her I think she makes me work harder than she used to. Since I've been seeing her weekly (sometimes twice a week) for a little over two years, this makes sense. Her challenges these past few sessions have really helped open my eyes to some things. One of the things she wants me to do before my session next week is find a way to express my anger (something I've never been able to figure out how to do...). We'll see if I can come up with anything.

It's hard to believe I only have one more teacher work day before students arrive! A lot of us don't feel ready yet, but I suppose that is pretty normal.

@buddha1too two decades of teaching-very cool! I just listened to a couple Keb' Mo' songs and will definitely be listening to more-thanks for the recommendation!!

I'm still only been getting a mere 2-3 hours sleep a night, and it's catching up with me. I drove down to Detroit again yesterday to catch a Tigers' game? On the way back home (almost a two hour drive), I suddenly felt like my eyelids had ten pound weights on them & my head started to spin. It was the worst period I'd had behind the wheel since I quit drinking over two decades ago. I was afraid I'd get stopped by a cop. On top of that, the Tigers fumbled away a potential victory. Strange day, indeed. I called my NP today & she made a few med adjustments. I'm not sure if it will help, though, as the last two she made didn't do shite for me. Enough complaining...

I'm sorry you're still trying to achieve closure with your father's estate, @Soupe du jour. I hope it becomes a reality soon.

I'm glad you saw your daughter, @Sunflower123, but was sorry to read of the tornado that damaged her apartment. It seems the southern U.S. has had more than its fair share of severe weather this year. BTW, I still feel guilty about my rant a few months ago. I try to be kind, but sometimes fall short. Anyways, I'm sorry...

So, you're back in the trenches again, @June08. Again, I can empathize with the stress you must be experiencing. Many people think teachers clock in at 8 o'clock, and clock out at 3:30. No one takes into account all the work one brings home. As a class of people, teachers take altogether too much shite these days. I'm glad my career is over.

@Nammu, I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many changes this year. I'm glad, however, you've been taking things in stride, though. While I've only started posting again recently, I did enough lurking to follow your challenges. Keep your left up, kiddo.

Oh, well. Sleep eludes me, so I've had time to post in the wee hours without neglecting my partner. I'm sometimes bit cranky due to sleep deprivation, but she's very understanding. I'm fortunate in that respect. I don't know what I'd do without her.

A big peace sign to all my other friends and acquaintances. Hang tough, peeps.

So I'm back to mostly my baseline. My anxiety is a little better, but that was improving before I had the ketamine infusions.

I've been thinking about and doing positive things in the hopes of improving my depression. It's still pretty much the same.

I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow with the ketamine clinic, so I'll find out how much they gave me. I'll also get an idea about what they think future infusions might do for me if I decide to go it alone.

I’m going to see Oppenheimer today. Was planning on the noon showing but decided to go to the 3:30 one. My daughter was trying to talk me into Barbie. She said it was a great story. But, nah. Never was a fan of Barbie. Anyway Tuesday is the bargain price. Plus you get free popcorn with any soda purchase. I decided on nutrition and eat lunch first, and no soda or popcorn. But it’s a three hour movie! So water at least. I’m wondering if anyone else will be in the theater. It’s the third week. My previous plans were cut short by Sir getting sick. And then his follow up appointment. I only go to movies on Tuesdays as it’s $5.

$5??? I'd go every single week.

Have fun, I liked oppy a lot

I had my follow-up appointment with the ketamine clinic today. They basically say that I'm a non-responder in the short term because there are only very small improvements compared to when I started.

They say that there's a chance that might still respond in the four weeks following treatment, so we have a follow-up booked to assess then. They say I'd be better off not going to a private clinic during these 4 weeks and that I should wait for the assessment.

I'm a little disappointed by the result but it's not completely unexpected because I could see that I wasn't responding to the treatment.

I guess all I can do is think positive thoughts and do things that help me for the next 4 weeks. That means getting good sleep, eating property, and staying busy. That won't be hard to do because there's a lot going on at home.

Not much is going on today. I've been feeling off and on physically. I'm a bit depressed right now. I'm getting my laundry done and put away at least. I called my cat and he got off his banana bed and came up and snuggled with me a bit. That made me feel better. My chubby orange one is a loveable asshole but he is actually good with my nephews and niece. My mom was letting my 10 month old niece pet Crookshanks and Crookshanks didn't mind. My mom made her stop when she started to grab onto his fur.

I've been eating this apple pie hummus with pita chips that is actually pretty good.

I took my dog for her nail trim today. She was very good. My one close neighbor drove us. It's her birthday. She doesn't celebrate it tho as she is 74 and feels birthdays are just one year closer to death. Not too cheerful! I respect her wishes tho i did send an email with a fun gif of a flashing birthday cake and candles. She likes email and said it was very thoughtful of me.

We've had two days of bad weather and my diet is a mess. I don't know what to do. The appetite suppressing effect of drastically reducing my diet cola consumption has worn off and now dieting is just as hard as it's ever been since menopause. I am not optimistic.

Another rainy day where I am, and cool. I do look forward to some sunny ones because the rain has kept workers from finishing up our house exterior project. It's mostly been under 16 C (in the 50s F) for days. By next Monday, the forecast shows a high of 31 C (88 F). That's hotter than usual here. Such extreme fluctuations often make me feel unwell.

I finally arranged for a hair cut and root coloring. It's been since February 2023! I did have my bangs trimmed three months ago, but that's it. The local village hair cutter did that, but I didn't trust her to do anything more. I trust a guy in Prague, plus he speaks good English. You can clearly see my natural color at the roots now.

I lost 1.5 pounds! Yay! I'm happy because the yesterday was so messy.

I saw my psychiatrist today. I complained a bit about my recent weight gain, truthfully saying my concern is mostly fear of getting diabetes type 2. She initially suggested eating more fruit and veggies, but I almost had to laugh. The average Czech eats very few. I, on the other hand, eat tons. I probably eat two to three servings of fruit each day and five to eight servings of vegetables. Most all without added fat, or very little. My issue is more not being physically active enough and eating a bit too much of others things, too. Especially sweet stuff! She then suggested I see a dietitian. I have in the past, with success, but the problem is it's hard enough to even find an English-speaking GP or dentist, let alone dietitian. I then attempted to convince her to lower my Seroquel a little bit. She wouldn't. She said that she'd consider very small reductions after five to six more months of stable moods. [And more time passes after my father's and brother's deaths, and the inheritance stuff.] I think I will get to that point, but that's a half year away!

I really should work harder to watch my diet and exercise. I know I can do it, when the stars are aligned right, but are they? In any case, I have been getting outside more. Even Hubby joined me for a walk today.

^ I absolutely swear by walks. For everything.


Thinking of soccer and track, hiking in the white mountains, city walking when living in shelters - say I've been walking for 30ish years, my best years i probably got close to 1,000 miles a year on activities (city walks), and maybe 300 at the lower years (sports, etc), not even 100 miles a year in childhood.

Then adding in all the casual walking (which Google says is like, 3 miles a day for moderately active (which I think it's bullsht)), sure let's go with that.

That would put me, easily, on my second lap around the planet. Fairly close to lap 3 if the math isnt horribly off

I don't feel good today and I can't think of why. It started last night around 2 when I woke up because I kept throwing up in my mouth and coughing on it. I woke up finally after coughing so badly my nose was running. I got back to sleep around 4 and slept until almost 8.

Today I've just felt really off. I took an hour or so nap around 11 which didnt help much. I ate a prepackaged portion of avocado toast before the nap and I'm trying to eat a prepacked chicken cesar salad now.

Idk whats up. Tylenol isnt helping. I don't know if its the metformin or what but I just don't feel right today.

Honestly if I had someone to drive me I might go to the ER right now. But I have no driver and I don't want to worry anyone. Its best to just try to sleep it off and hope it passes.

What do you do when you need to go to the ER but your driver is several states away and you don't want to text her to worry her and basically going to the ER at all isn't an option until like mid afternoon tommorow?

I had a quiet day. The weather was lovely and mild. I chatted with my neighbors several times, so that was healthy. My diet's fallen apart. Bruce Springsteen sings, "You got to learn to live with what you can't rise above." I guess i'll follow his advice. Except for limiting pop to a max of one a day. I succeeded in doing that today again, at least.

My doctor said to make just one or two small, manageable changes in my diet and only add more when i had consistent success. Maybe i just made too many changes at once. It started with limiting pop. Then restricting calories. Then boosting fiber. Then restricting sodium. It ended when i tried to restrict carbs and boost protein and fats. I was keeping a spreadsheet.

I guess it was too complex, too soon. My ex-husband used to say that i have two speeds: full-blast and off. I think he might have had something there!

Edit: I bought some faux saliva and it's so excellent! I got it because i used to reach for a pop to refresh my mouth. I want to limit fluids for healthier bathroom habits, so i don't want to drink water. Faux saliva is a good option.

Nothing much of anything going on sosdd kinda deal

I took my 3rd Stelara shot the other day and really hasn’t been much help overall at all. Maybe helped my psoriasis 5% at most. I see my Rheumatologist next Tuesday so who knows what can be done. It’s beyond stressful. Between PsA pain and Fibromyalgia pain I feel like absolute garbage. I do know I have to just stop complaining. Complaining just doesn’t help anything. Time to suck it up.

I’m staying busy with my Diamond art which is a good distraction. So grateful I found it randomly online. Yay for Facebook ads sometimes LOL

Hope everyone is doing okay

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