Bipolar check-in #69

We’ve reached the limit in the old one here the new thread! See ya around.

. Miguel isn't taking it well but neither are we.

I'm so sorry Miguel's Mom. We just went through that and it is so hard.

My day has been good! The anti-procrastination app works well. I think I mentioned it, but here it is again: It pups up several times in an hour for nine hours (a workday). I have to answer if I procrastinated or not. For two days I had most "no procrastination". For 18 hours I only had six yes answers: 3 for poor organization, 1 for indecisiveness, 1 for Lack of motivation and 1 for overwhelmed.

I am not going to feed you with my progress or lack of such, but this day I felt for telling about it. I think this app was right for me and motivates me to do my best.

I feel proud of myself for a change.

Send my best wishes for the rest of the day for everybody here!

I greatly appreciate the support last night and today. You folks are incredible! I did end up contacting a crisis line and although I’m not all the way back, I am gaining ground. I’m kicked back with a soft blanket, alfredo pizza and Die Hard playing. I will get up after that and be productive.

You really helped save my bacon last night and I thank you

Angry today. Didn't sleep much & I got a sprouting staph infection. Yuck. At least the steroid cream is helping the rash on my chest. I'm going to start using it on other rash patches. Having all sorts of weird thoughts towards the SO I haven't seen in months.

I slept about 12 hours in the hotel room. I was the only one who slept. My brother forgot his trazedone and my mom didn't sleep for some reason or another. But I had my 12 pound twin size blanket and the AC was blasted. I woke up a couple of times but I got back to sleep. There must be some sort of enviormental factor in my house which is causing me not to sleep well. On my last trip I slept really good too.

Anyways when I woke up at 5 I instantly felt a ton better then yesterday and I knew I could get my shopping done. My mom and I went to a couple international grocery stores I used to go to all the time and I found fun flavors of cheetos and then some chocolates I like and then some popcorn Kit Kats. I got enough bars to last me through the winter. I also got some international flavors of Lipton tea.

After that we picked up my brother and packed up and left the hotel and went to the good grocery store which I miss a ton. I got some vegan cesar salad dressing and some plant based eggs you can fry too not the kind that is just made for scrambling. I also got plant based soy butter which is basically fake peanut butter. I wore my North Face pride shirt both yesterday and today and no one paid any attention except one kid in the fruit department who may have been part of the community. I don't know if I'm getting more confident or what but I felt pretty comfortable shopping today. A cashier at one of the stores said to me "is your mom with you?" When I went ahead while my mom checked on something. While I'm super happy with how I'm looking in general, I'm not excatly happy to be looking like a 16 year old boy.

I still haven't heard back about my allergy test. I don't know if thats good or bad. I know they were going to do a ranking of each allergy to see how severe each one is. So idk. Maybe I'm allergic to a lot of things?

I feel super weird right now. I don't know why... I got really overheated both yesterday and today and I'm still hot. I just feel like I'm going to go insane right now.

So my dog has hip dysplasia and started pain meds. Still have to take her to the vet hospital. She's part of a clinic so all it cost us was for her pain meds and her monthly fee. The next vet is going to cost a lot more but they may have financial help. Through all this my nurse called and I can get my injection early. So will be doing that Tuesday this is hard as hell.

Went to my uncle’s birthday party. He’s 92. He turned 90 during the pandemic so they had a big party this year. My cousin from Texas was up so that decided it. Was nice to see everyone. Didn’t recognize some of my older cousins! It’s been so long. They had home movies on the TV, starting from 1962! There was a shot of me with gloves on punching the boxing bag I think I was 4 in that one. There was a great bit taken at the cabin before Dad added on to it. I’d forgotten it used to be white. Unfortunately the trip was a bit hard on mum. It’s only an hour away but she’s worn out.

I worked, facilitated WRAP group, had lunch with my cousin, got labs for thyroid, visited my grandparents, took my other granny to the bank then we went to the dollar store. We ended the day with taco salad. I’m beat. But excited for the cold brew I’m making mmm

I feel slightly itchy . I don't know if it's the cat hair or the cat itself. I bought Benadryl just in case. The cat has been staying on top of the cabinets in the kitchen. She does come down and sit with me which is nice. She's here till Monday. She's a sweet cat but doesn't like to be held. She loves to be petted, though. N3 had to go to the airport to pick up his friend. He's allergic to cats hence why I have her with me for a few days.

Tomorrow we are going to my mom's for dinner. I don't think N3 will be there since he's planning to go to Cedar Point- could be on Sunday though so who knows.

I took a late nap but not excessively long. I hope I can sleep, even so. I need to go to the grocery store- again. Seems I'm always going there. I have limited storage for food so I don't get much at a time.

I hope everyone has a good evening and sleep tonight.

You make your own cold brew? That's neat!

I felt super weird like I said, then I fell asleep and I woke up half an hour ago with a dry cough and a sore throat and a runny nose and I'm sneezing a bit. Hopefully its just night allergies. I thought I could feel the start of sore throat coming on yesterday or so but I didn't pay attention. That would make sense though the sudden odd feeling of intense anxiety I had

Well, I had my first internet troll in a long while! I was commenting on a Neil deGrasse Tyson post regarding science and history when some... individual decided to devote considerable time to telling me I am what is wrong with America because I am apparently and I quote: "a woke self-hating reverse racist," several other political statements of that ilk and to cap it off "mentally deficient." As befitting someone of my "deficiency," I just replied "Huh?" and went on with my day. Let him explain the "joke" again to someone who's not listening or get enraged enough to get banned. What do I care?

Internet culture aside, the rest of the day was quite nice! Sold a fair share of phones at work with the holiday weekend starting up, got a few future leads, had to fend off the competition, that sort of thing. I also, seemingly, have the worst timing. Five times in three days I have stepped away for my regular break, my lunch break or just to use the bathroom and customers show up looking for me and my products only for the competition to come in and make their pitch. I will admit, they're quite good at it!

Something of concern: my knee is starting to pop in the area of an old hiking injury. Seeing as I'm on my feet for a good eight hours, I dont want this to get worse. As much as I don't want to spend the money, I think a knee brace is going to be needed. I really hope not.

That person would probably even attack Mister Rogers, if he was still alive. It's quite sad! By the way, I like Neil DeGrasse Tyson, especially his passion for and wonderful method of presenting science...specifically astronomy.

I hope your knee heals soon.

I felt very tired this morning, but I have a rule that if I do not wake up during breakfast, I can go to bed again for an hour. I did so and feel better. When I left the breakfast table for more rest I was full of negative self statements: "I will never make it". "My world will crash". I was stupid who signed up for the language lessons" ... and more. Then I remembered the CBT and "be in the here and now" lessons. It soon made my way back to more realistic thoughts. By the way: The language lessons are held one day before my hiking-day, so I do not have to worry about being too tired after the hiking. Good news!

A good day to everybody here!

Thanks on the knee. Hopefully, the knee brace will help on the popping.

I consider Neil much on the same vein as Carl Sagan, which considering they both did version of Cosmos, makes sense.

Related to Mr. Rogers, but not really related to Mr. Politics, I thought of the movie starring Tom Hanks and the scene where he's on the train and Really sweet, I like it.

There's probably someone out there who's already tried going after our dear friend Fred. Trolls are gonna troll, I guess.

I saw the Mister Rogers documentary and there were people with their kids protesting outside of where his funereal was at, I believe they were protesting because he had hired a gay man to work on his show and they didn't like that.

So yeah people have come after him.

Yes and it’s soooo yummy! Cheaper than buying it out.

I'm sitting at Starbucks. I left the cat alone. She came into my bedroom and sat with me on the bed this morning. She also meows at me which I think is cute- she has this tiny little meow, goes with the petiteness of the rest of her. So I hope she is okay alone. She should be.

Today we are having a get together for an early dinner- N3 won't make it I don't think.

I just feel super runned down today. I'm not nauseated or in pain since I haven't had nuts or eggs in awhile and I'm in the AC but I'm just tired and worn out. My weight is still lower then it was at my last therapy session and I am still not hungry and I have to figure something out before my session on Wednesday or she is going to get real pissed. I just want to lie in bed all day though. I don't know if I caught a slight bug on my trip or am just unwell in general. I'm not anxious either though which is good.

I bet Richard Simmons went into hiding because he became overweight due to his knee injury. Everyone here knows my Richard Simmons story.

I had a couple plant based fried eggs for breakfast and I had the same feeling l had last night of I'm going to go insane and I really weird. So I won't finish the eggs. Basically today I've just been eating out of a small 24oz container of apple sauce.

I went for a follow up with the doctor per his request Friday and I do have three deficiencies and three infections including one in my lungs. I felt chided for being sick and had to defend myself that I am eating well and resting (excessively here lately). I may like my alfredo pizza on occasion but I start each morning with a healthy smoothie chock full of nutrients and go on from there. I don’t know how I came to be in such poor condition aside from possibly years of stress and more recently grief. I think me feeling so poorly physically had a lot to do with me being so down the other night. I feel like **** right now. Not well enough to see M this weekend unfortunately even though she is in town. Not even close. I hate that. Ah well….another time.

Mom misplaced her car keys and I’ve searched as best I could considering. I don’t know how to resolve that for now until I’m feeling better. There’s a few things I need to get resolved soon. I MUST get back on my feet. At least we’ve had somebody come in to clean today. I’m locked in the den as I’m not up for socializing.

One thing I know….I WILL get back on my feet and be better and stronger for it. Never again. Thanks for listening. It’s helped me feel better.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

Having a pretty good day! Therapy and psychiatrist appointments were yesterday and they both went well. In need of a haircut, maybe I'll get around to that next week. I think I'll spend today reading a bit or studying something .. I wanna enjoy the energy while I have it! haha.

Can you guys believe it's already September? I can't.

Hi Mountaindewed. I also saw that documentary and remember the horrible backlash he received for trying to teach children to be loving and accepting in this world.

I went to the theater to see it. Many people in the theater cried during it, including me. Not just because of a love for Mister Rogers' messages, but because he represented such a contrast to the ugly hate that's been boiling over in the country and world, and will surely intensify. It's become so stressful and dangerous...for all!