Bipolar Check-In #76

Today I go get my advanced directive notarized and put it in the files. But I’m not wanting to leave home. It’s hot and humid. I’ve been putting off everything for days cause I don’t want to go out in this. I really need food but oh ugh, the humidity.

I went out of the house to get some groceries from Walmart. I found a bottle of Starbucks pumpkin spice latte. I'm one of those people who will buy it as soon as its out. I went to the Asian market and found cans of peach Fanta from China. I also went to Platos Closet and found 2 pairs of Nikes in pretty good condition for not much.

I had therapy today. I thought she'd put up a fuss about my weight and my doctor wanting me to lose weight, but she didn't. She understood and said "I normally believe in healthy at any size but I know in some situations that doesn't apply." She didn't make a sqawk about the meteformin. She said it seems like my weight issues are medical but my thoughts about food and weight are an eating disorder. I guess that kinda makes sense.

Anyways my mom picked up the meteformin while I was on zoom. So we'll see how it goes. My weight gain isn't caused by any meds or overeating. So hopefully I'll see some decent results with the med and how my lifestyle is already like.

My gyencolgists office got back to me a few minutes ago. They said they were giving me a refferal to a doctor at at their pain clinic for the shots. I also called my gastro doctor and the soonest they had for a follow up for my scan was November! I have heard gastro doctors are notrious for being dismissive.

But my other doctors are helping me out.

Thanks. I'm a little nervous now if I'm going to be honest!

My doctor put me on a starting dose of 1000 mil of XR metaformin once a day at night. Is that a lot? I took the first dose 2 hours ago. I know theres side effects. He was mainly just concerned about diarrhea.

I just have a really full feeling in my stomach right now

It was a perfect day, cool air and warm sun. I have high blood pressure that i take meds for. I thought i would make an effort with my sodium numbers since i am already keeping a spreadsheet. The amount of sodium in the frozen entrees i've been eating is shocking, so i tried my hand at making a homemade low-sodium version of one of them today.

I haven't cooked in years and i was really reluctant, especially about doing the dishes. I use compostable dishes, but i'm stuck if i have to use a pot. But it went smoothly! I only used a punishingly small amount of cheese, but the fat, spiral rotini noodles were fun. Getting a bit bored of my frozen mixed veggies. It's a bit of a chore to eat them. I might try some oil on it next time.

The challenge is the things that are low in sodium (pasta, oil) are high in calorie. And the things that are low in calorie (my frozen entrees) are high in sodium. So it's a bit of a balancing act.

Anyways, i am happy it went so well and look forward to more adventures in the kitchen!

He started you straight on that dose with out titrating up? You may get upset tummy

I woke up with an upset stomach an hour ago, but I often do anyways from other stuff. Idk why he started me on that high of a dose. He was just freaked out for some reason.

I didn't wake up craving soda though.

Does it work for you?

I take 1,000 a day split in two doses for prediabetes as I have strong family genes too. I had to titration up slowly to prevent bad gastric issues and I mean bad

Up at 3:30. I can't seem to get more than a few hours sleep anymore. I've been impulsive, edgy, have been spending too much money, and have been feeling hypersexual...but, damn! I've had none of the speedy relief I've experienced in the past. I used to have so much fun at times like this, but now my mood is flat. I'm beginning to think that I just have character defects rather than having an episode. I have the guilt, but none of the fun that's characteristic of being hypo or manic. Perhaps I just need to get my shite together.

Tonight I'm driving down to Detroit to see Keb' Mo' in concert. Then, tomorrow I'm going down for a baseball game. That's about 400 miles of driving in two days. I guess there's no danger of me falling asleep behind the wheel.

I had a rough time last night sleeping because of my upset stomach. But I didn't throw up or have any diarrhea. Today I have been very tired and I've been lying in my moms bed binge watching Drag Race. My stomach has been upset but nothing I can't deal with. I'm not in the mood for Doritos and candy though. My mom went out and got some salad bowls and Wholly Gucamole cups and yogurts. Idk if thats how it works or not. I just feel like eating healthy. I only had one soda today and I got coffee just to help with my exhaustion. But I'm not craving much of anything unhealthy today

It's been very rainy and rather cool where I am. It's only 59 F (15 C) right now. My feet are cold. But it's peaceful this evening. My sister and I both seem happy again in the relationship. The workers are gone for the weekend, so we had privacy all day long. On Thursday, I had a good session with my new therapist and a private lesson with my Czech teacher, as the one other student was away. Hubby didn't feel well so I simply gave him some leftover soup. I had the pleasure of eating crumpets with peanut butter and preserves. Comfort food!

Pretty sure I have a wicked
Sinus infection. My heads
Killing me and I can’t quit coughing and blowing my
Nose. Ugh.

Was excited for beach day tomorrow, now I have a fever.

Haven't been sick in years, hope it's not bad.

Maybe this is the world telling me to stay home tomorrow for some reason.

Had a fantastic day with my daughter today. She took me out to a fantastic pub. We had a drink and lunch, caught up on the family gossip. Found out her cousin that she’s close to moved to Florida. My aunt and uncle are finally moving into independent living and selling the way too big house. My daughter is resigning her job as the hours have gotten crazy. Her husband is behind her 100%. It was a very nice day.

I’m content and ready to hibernate the rest of the weekend

It was another nice, mild Summer day here. My healthy living continued. Today's accomplishment was to use proper dishes for dinner. I haven't done that in years. Tomorrow's challenge will be to eat dinner at the table, instead of sitting on the couch.

my pdoc put me on 500mg at night. so I don'tknow if that is a good dose or not. It does control my appetite so that is good. and I am having some loose
stools but I take a laxative too.
tell me how you are feeling.
bizi

What over the counter meds are you taking?
flonase?
zyrtek? any antihistamine?
cough syrup delsum is safe for people like us.
I am sorry your sinuses have flared up. can you call your doctor
up and request an appointment ASAP.
I usually go to a walk in clinic.The last time I had a cough that bad He said I had allergies and said don't take expectorants they make you worse.
I am sorry you are sick.
bizi

I toook some Mucinex sinus meds

Do you mind looking at the box for the ingredients. It should have some antihistamines in it. It should have generic benadryl in it. That should help you sleep. the delsom cough syrup should let you sleep.

again I am sorry you are sick.
When did you start feeling ill?
sinus head aches are the worst.
hope you feel better soon.
bizi

I've really hit the ground running now that summer vacation is officially over. I'm in this weird balance of trusting that everything will get done and this will be a good school year and having no idea how I am going to get through, bare minimum, the next few weeks without living on coffee and getting to little sleep. I already didn't get enough sleep last week and the fact that I am still up with some things left to do is not a good thing since I have to be up early tomorrow. I also have to get up early during the week to get to work with enough time to set up for the day before the students arrive. I'm really trying to take back control of my life, instead of letting so many external factors control me. Learning how to set boundaries prioritize to-do list items is going to be a key part of this I think. My car needs some unexpected repairs so that is taking up time I thought I would have for other things...

A mini victory of the week is that I was feeling like hypomania symptoms were about to kick in. One night, before bed, my brain was really racing. I spent about 15 minutes being still and focusing on my breathing. This helped calm things down but, in the morning, the racing thoughts were back. So, I spent 15 more minutes being still and focusing on my breath. This, combined with trying keep my mind and body movements in a calmer state throughout the day, seems to be helping keep my brain in check! Hopefully, this newly discovered strategy will continue to work.

@Rasberrytorte congrats on finishing your first draft!

@buddha1too safe travels!

@HALLIEBETH87 and @insideoutsider I hope you both feel better soon!

I taught for two decades, @June08. The beginning of the school year was always a stressful time with book inventories, setting up your grading system, writing new lesson plans, in-services, etc. You go from zero to 100mph in just a few days! The summer breaks are great, but beginning again is always very stressful!

Damn! I went to the Keb' Mo' concert last night. I haven't felt such joy in a long time! His music just washed over me. I've been to many concerts in the past, but nothing can compare to the happiness I felt last night! It was a long time coming, but I'm still feeling the contact high from last evening! Today I drive the 200 miles round trip to and from Detroit to see the Tigers' game against Tampa Bay. I was in a real rut for quite some time...I'm hoping this is the end of very long and stressful period. My sleep is still messed up, though. Last night was another night when I got only three hours of sleep.

If anyone is in a rut, listen to a few Keb' Mo' songs on YouTube. I know musical tastes vary, but try to feel the joy in his music! It feels so wonderful!

I actually feel pretty good. Better then before actually. My stomach mainly just feels full. It isnt really upset and I'm not having the pain I was having a week ago. I haven't had any diarrhea. I've been pretty tired though. I've lost a few pounds and I'm making better food choices which is also why I think I'm feeling better.

It started suddenly yesterday. And has progressed quickly. I’ve been taking the mucinex and already feel loads better!!

My therapist is morbidly obese and is flat out agaisnt weight loss. She believes in healthy at any size and poodle science and all that. We don't get into argument arguments, but we do butt heads a lot about weight. So its been difficult to talk to her about my weight issues becauses she is just dismissive. Even after our session on Friday I got an email with a youtube link with a video calIed "body image"

I don't really get it. Doesn't healthy at any size mean excatly that? Can't I be healthy at 160 pounds if she is healthy at 310 pounds? I wish she wouldn't be so hard on me all the time. My mom and doctor are fine with my weight loss. Even encouraging it.

My med provider took me off lithium because my kidney function is deteriorating. Scary concept for a few reasons. SI for starters. I need my kidneys also. She also told me the office is closing down at Christmas. I’ve been going there for 23 years and they’ve kept me alive for a long time. I’m already looking for a replacement in another town. I’ve called around here. No one is taking new patients and this is a large city.

I’ve lost all motivation and have a long to do list. It’s disheartening and defeating. My therapist and I are working on it. I haven’t made progress yet. I’ve just kind of given up on life. I do have a strong drive to attend my daughter’s wedding in April though.

It rained pretty heavy here today so things are cooled down. That’s nice. I hope everyone else is staying cool.

Take care