Bipolar Check-In #78

I finally slept. I took and extra sleeping pill and slept though the night. My sore throat is much better. I feel so much better.

I can’t remember if I said on here or not, my daughter and I decided to celebrate mum next week on her birthday instead of yesterday the anniversary of her passing. She died just short of her 95th birthday. I really miss her and Sir. It’s lonely without them.

Totally abandoned the ole ACT team so I could be homeless over an hour away. Haven’t taken meds other than my leftover PRNs (seroquel 25 and kpin .5) in like a week or maybe more idk. My buddy thinks I’m going to get addicted to the “nomadic lifestyle” and honestly I see where he’s coming from because I freaking enjoy just the basics of shelter between 8pm and 7am and just roaming about the other 13 hours of the day doing whatever the fk I want. If I want to shovel for money like I plan on doing tomorrow I can do that. If I want to see sunrise over the river that’s easy. Everything is so much more convenient in the city and I can just walk and walk and walk. Got some free chili too 😋

My birthday was good. My brother in law got me a fancy beard growing kit. My facial hair is kinda a mess right now. This is a lavish kit with beard growth oil, beard growth spray, a bottle of beard growth vitamins, shampoo, a brush, and some kinda grooming tool. My sister and her family also got my a $25 Starbucks gift card.

Then my endocronologist sent me back a message this morning. I had told him about my mood swings and the pattern I've been noticing. He asked if I wanted to try a different type of testosterone. Its a special kind. One of those shots you give under your skin. The sort that is already drawn into the needle. And for some reason I can only get it through a mail pharmacy. But he thinks it will help me better so hes calling that in and I'm supposed to go down a bit on my current kind until my new stuff gets here.

And I just got off with my pdoc. I did get the Wellbutrin prescribed. I didn't have to fight him really. I just had to be assertive with him. There was that whole seeking weight loss meds speech he gave me but he is putting me on 150 XR once a day and he told me to pick it up tonight. I didn't mention my new testosterone to him even if that was bad. I don't think the 2 are related though. He was being pushy about me going back to work. As if I didn't just get 2 rejection emails.

But at least I got answers today.

I hope the wellbutrin works out for you, @Mountaindewed. Like I said before, I was on that for a little bit (switched to it from Cymbalta) and it caused me so much intolerable anxiety I literally BEGGED my pdoc to put me back on Cymbalta! BUT I lost so much weight. Got down to 120lbs. Lost all my Cymbalta weight and then some, so it should help with your weight. Good luck!

Oh - and I'm happy you had a good birthday with nice gifts.

I saw my pdoc today. Long story short I'm going back down to my usual gabapentin dose and starting 50-100 mg Seroquel just until I get past this depression. I'm anxious about weight gain and a couple other side efects from the past but I was on a lot more then. I'm getting a clozaril level drawn tomorrow and if my level is still high she's going to try to find someone with expertise in clozaril to see if it's safe to walk around with a nigher blood level of it.


I can't start the seroquel until Thursday because I have appointments I need to be awake for. Hopefully I sleep until then. Last night was really bad; I was up until 6:30 AM.


I really hope this works.

@BeyondtheRainbow

I hope it works for you too! I think it will.

My husband bought me some mucinex today, but I was still only able to nap for about an hour before having to cough. He's dragging my fat *** to urgent care tomorrow if I have another night where I'm only able to get two to three hours of sleep. He's worried about my symptoms flaring up if I don't get enough rest. This has been going on for the past four nights now. I'm getting SO frustrated with this damn, hacking cough!!!!

****. My husband just said, "YOU'RE GOING TO URGENT CARE TOMORROW MORNING!!" So I guess I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow. Sigh. I don't wanna. I would argue with my husband about it but don't have the strength 😔. Too tired. Besides, he's an EXTREMELY stubborn man. Like to the point where it drives me crazy!!

@raspberrytorte that's awful! I really hope you get better soon. I thought I had COVID the other day, and my head was just hurting, and my nose was super stuffed. It was really hard to sleep with my CPAP. I managed to get some sleep last night, but I gotta say, that nap today really threw off my schedule because I am up and a bit manic right now, when I should be asleep soon.

Sleep is so important, and I don't want to mess up. This bipolar comes back with a vengeance when I don't sleep.

I'm really enjoying myself, but am a little worried about hypomania. Music sounds amazing, thoughts of my past as a political activist have been energizing me, i'm playing vigorously with my dog, getting out for fresh air and sunshine... but also having trouble sleeping.

We only have one more day of nice weather tho. Then it goes below freezing again. So that's why i'm just enjoying this good mood, because it'll probably disappear once it gets cold again. It's been a nice respite and hasn't escalated to where i'm overspending foolishly, so the only disadvantage has been a wonky schedule. And that doesn't matter so much since i don't work and keep to myself and can nap at will.

Anyways, most of my hypomanias have been benign and i didn't get into the impulsive overspending. I've had a couple religious hypomanias where i just really got into God and went to church lots. I get beautiful euphoric hypomanias and they're mostly harmless, except for scribbling on the walls, coloring my hair turquoise or purple, and little things like that.

It was just my last hypomania in the Summer of 2022 that i got into the impulsive online shopping and blew a $h!t-ton of money. It's made me very cautious about my hypomania. But for the moment, things seem okay.

@Aurelius710:

That sounds awesome, about the Comic Con you went to and meeting one of your heroes! Next year you can be prepared with a costume. I'm sure it was super cool just to be there! I tried to go to one in my city once but it was just spur-of-the-moment when i overheard people on the bus talking about it and by the time i got there the wait to get in was four hours long. It sure looked like fun tho!

Yeah, you sound hypomanic but in control. Enjoy but stay cautious!

@Mountaindewed I am still unclear why you would not try prescription Zofran.

I tried to get some
I had to switch primarys though last year and I can't see my new one for awhile. I called a few days ago hoping to get in and get a prescription for zofran. But I think I'm just out of luck until I can get into see him. I asked my endocronolgist one time. The guy I'm currently dealing with this other med. And he said he couldnt prescribe it I'd have to go through my primary. Nausea wasn't his area.

I got in trouble with the shelter this morning for waking up too early and not staying in bed for 4 hours until the guard wakes everyone up… just a warning though. Got a ticket for not being able to move my fking car out of the parking garage before they started charging for the day. Gonna contest that because I tried paying but I guess once it’s free you can’t pay for when it’s not free. So if you show up after it’s free and plan on staying past when it’s free you’re fked.

Gonna go make some phone calls to see if I can get moved up the waitlist.

@LadyShadow

I agree with you about sleep being important. I was SO restless and amped up the other night from not sleeping I had to take 150mg of seroquel to calm down. Luckily it worked. Didn't make me tired, but calmed me down enough where I was able to relax. Other than this cough I feel fine.

I hope you're able to get better rest soon!

@Mountaindewed

I hope you're able to get Zofran! It works great. I was prescribed it after my hernia surgery because the pain was making me nauseous. It doesn't sedate you though.

Yup. You can take Zofran morning or night or any time in-between.

I slept terribly again. I was just fretting about insurance stuff. My Wellbutrin came into the pharamacy finally. It was only $15 and is on the same tier as my other new stuff so I hope that means the new stuff is about the same price despite air mail and stuff.

I took the first dose of wellbutrin and I don't know if it makes you a bit over excited at first or not. I seeemed to have this weird sudden burst of energy about half an hour ago that lasted 15 minutes. Idk. I'm ok now.

I guess the pharamacy or insurance or whoever needs more info from my doctor before they go ahead with the new stuff. Maybe my doctor can use my high hematrcrit levels and my 4 phlebotmoy procedues and a year long patient with the blood doctor as examples or something for needing a different type. Theres quite a lot of ways to say how this kind isnt working much besides just the mood swings.

My mom is nagging at me about the nausea meds. I don't feel very good right now and I don't have a whole lot of other options. I didnt drink any soda.

I finally met with my pdoc, after a cancelled appointment and then another reschedule.

It was worth the wait because we discussed a bunch of changes that will take a few months to put into place.

The first thing I'm doing is stopping Seroquel; it hasn't made any difference in how I'm feeling and caused me to gain 25 lbs. I'm coming off by tapering down the dose once a week, so I'll be off in 4 weeks.

Next, stopping Latuda and switching it for Vraylar.

That's the short term. Longer term, I may qualify for psychotherapy and we are also considering starting Lamictal again but I'd have to be off everything else to do that.

There's more but this post is getting long so I'll stop here for now. Hugs to everyone that wants or needs them!

I was able to get five hours of sleep last night and just woke up from a three hour long nap (!). Seems the mucinex is helping me. My husband ended up NOT making me go to urgent care today thankfully.

Honestly, I don't know what they would do for me there anyway. Probably tell me to take OTC meds and drink fluids, which I'm already doing.

@Scooter9

Sucks seroquel didn't work out for you. Good luck with your new med changes!

My cough is getting worse. My throat no longer hurts but man my cough! I’m living on cough drops. I need to get a different kind, these are konking out.

@Nammu so sorry about your cough! Hope you get better soon!

Today was a good productive day. Had some bad news though - found out my therapist is out of network, so it is going to charge me an arm and a leg, so I stopped therapy. It's a shame because I was really getting something out of it. Signed up with a new therapist though, hopefully it is good with her.

Getting tired right now, and really proud of myself that I didn't nap today. Should sleep really good tonight.

A bit on the manic side as well, maybe because I feel so good.

It was a bright sunny day and i felt the sunshine calling to me. I astonished myself by going in to my mental health drop-in. We had a nice time laughing and joking around and talking about music and playing cards.

It's occurred to me that the recovery movement is pretty cool. We may be a bit of a motley crew but we're all urgently trying to live better lives, and united in our struggle.

I felt pretty sick from all the activity early in the day, but i came home and rested and feel better now. My eyes sting from the sleep deprivation but overall i'm happy that i actually left the neighborhood for the first time since Winter started and that it went so well.

@Mountaindewed:

We're all different in our reactions to medication and i am certainly no expert. But i find Wellbutrin very energizing. It induces hypomania in me. One time i took it and it worked within days. Another time it took a few weeks. I find it a very powerful medication and one that i plan never to take again. Hope your experience is more successful!

I just puked for what, the 8th time recently. Thinking of just getting that second opinion on my stomach scan at the other hospital.

You just started a new medication. That might be the side effect of the antidepressants