Bipolar Check-in #80

@crazyHitch

What classes do you teach? Or are you taking classes? Sorry, I have trouble keeping everyone straight. A little confused with hypo right now I'm so sorry your having a rough time.

@raspberrytorte
Thank you SO much for toning your TMI down! I really appreciate it!

I am glad you are having fun with your daughter. Doing things as a family is SO important! Enjoy the summer. They go back to school so soon! My daughter sleeps so much (she's happy enough otherwise) and the rest of the time texting or on her iPad. We haven't done much as a family. She has her learner's permit and needs to test for her license but she needs a certain amount of supervised driving with an adult 21 or older. I get so anxious riding with her that H has to do it, and he barely has time. I feel bad about that

Now I know what you mean about having rest periods when hypomanic. In the past, my hypo wasn't this bad and didn't last this long because it right away became full mania and then psychosis. Now I'm getting not enough sleep consistently and H insists I take a rest period or two every day.

Oh, and I wanted to congratulate you on your weight loss. That is awesome!

I probably missed someone. My posts started on a new page, and it's hard to keep going back and forth for everyone.

@hallie

I am so sorry about the situation you are going through with your pawpaw. That is so hard. You are in my thoughts. Do you have a T you can talk to about it?
I'm still hypomanic. TRying to keep the length of this post down.

I only slept 3 hr. last night (broken sleep too). Then I got up and did couch to 10 K. Don't worry, it was only 8 one minute jogging intervals broken up by walking between and warmup and cool down walking. But then I walked some more. A total of 45 min. for 3.1 miles. Was airming for 3 miles but unless I want to go 6 times aroung my block, I had to take other streets. I ran in the street, not the sidewalk which is a little reckless but honestly, SO many people park blocking the sidewalks that is dangerous weaving around the vehicles. I have fallen on the sidewalk and skinned myself pretty good, broken 5 iphones, and broke my hips into microfractures (super SUPER painful). And right now there is a lot of vegetative debris blocking the sidewalks from Beryl that the city is still picking up.

It is now time for a shower. I am all sweaty. It is very muggy out. It never really cools down here at night the way it does in California, where H grew up.

Thank you @Blueberrybook, @Scooter9, and June08. I wouldn’t say I’m in a depressive episode, but the only people I’ve really talked to irl are my mom, case manager, and T (and even those two lately half our appointments are over the phone). I made a typo, haven’t had my dr appointment yet, it’s tomorrow. I wish I had someone to come with me and hug me as stupid as that is haha. I intended to get these bottles of soda (I’m collecting the bottles because they’re rad af), but they do not open for another half hour and I am extremely close to a liquor store that is open.

Idk if I updated you guys on this, but Bean ran away and Lu died of a stroke. Bean was never meant to be inside. He was my little wild boy stray we gave shelter to in -40F weather, and we kept him inside until he got fixed and healed, but he clearly hated it (and made it everyone’s problem too lol). At least he had fun mutilating rabbits while keeping me company.Lu was straight up old—20 years I think. Bo is still going(her brother), but he’s not looking too great these days either.

Just feeling really alone lately. I appreciate you guys a lot. I’m more of a talk in person person, but you guys have shown me even without a face, there is still love to be found.

edit: ayyooo, back w/ my soda and no ETOH!

Last night I took 2 dramamines and a melatonin around 11 and I was knocked out. I was so drowsy. I tried using the bathroom sometime around 1 and my bladder seemed paralyzed because I couldn't go and I was falling asleep. So I went back to bed and then I woke up at 3:45 and I felt weird and I realized I didn't take my meds at midnight like I normally do. I take them at midnight and noon. I took them and then got back to sleep until 6:30. I woke up to eat some jello and then went back to sleep until 7:55.

Last night and this morning I was coughing a lot in my sleep and then waking up to throw up. It went on long enough for my mom to ask if I was feeling ok. The doctor said theres no cancer or infection, just inflamation. I can feel the Priolsec start to work. So I do think things are getting better. I haven't thrown up in several hours and I've had a couple drinks from Sonic.

I went out to a couple grocery stores and the gas station today without any anxiety. I'm glad my anxiety and fatigue are improving.

Its almost noon and I haven't taken any valium yet and I've been to 3 stores without anxiety. So yeah thats good.

I keep coughing and my throat hurts and I'm a bit achy. I've been going out a ton more then I used to so I guess anything is possible.

@MuddyBoots

I'm sorry you are feeling so alone lately. I know it's not the same but everyone here loves you. I know it's hard when you're alone and don't have anyone to turn to IRL. My best friend moved to Vermont. My other 2 best friends are actually my sisters; I am blessed in that we all 3 get along. One sister is about 30 min. away, but she has her hands full with my 3 nieces, 6th grade and under. Plus she has pneumonia right now and while she feels better after getting treatment still is needing to take it slow. My other sister lives near Dallas, which is at least a 4 hour drive away but often more if you hit bad traffic in Houston & Dallas.

You will get thru this bump in your mood. You always write interesting posts. I often think you could write quite an interesting book of your life & your journey with bipolar!!

Life is crazy. Bipolar is crazy. Addiction is crazy. People are crazy. I am crazy, lol. That pretty much sums up my week so far. I have just been running around incessantly and I need to just sit and be with myself. Overslept this morning and made it late into work, but I made it. So annoyed that there is always some crazy harsh thunderstorm forecasted every time I have to drive home. Driving for an hour in pounding rain is really hard, and always scares me - why do I have the worst luck with this? Ugh.

Things are better with my boyfriend. I have to really focus on my weight loss and taking care of myself. Keeping up with my friends is really important too because my husband never let me have my friends, and it was really hard for me. Now that I am with someone who wants me to have the best life I can live with the people in it, it has been a blessing.

Just so glad to see everyone posting. You guys keep me going by being able to check in here every day and see what everyone is up to. I am really thankful for this place.

@LadyShadow

You're bipolar. Bipolar is some crazy SHYT!

Just curious about your work...What is your job.

I'm glad things have evened out with your BF. Stress in a romantic situation is NOT good for anyone, let alone someone with bipolar. I am glad you have good friends. I only have 3 friends, 1 in Vermont and the other 2 my sisters. But one sister is 4 hours away, the other only 30 min. but she has her hands busy with her kids and is super involved in church activites all the time, so we hardly have time to get together.

I love to see everyone posting too. Just a few weeks ago, this thread was practically dead.

Agreed! (Even if a lot of the posts are from those a tad elevated haha, still love to read what's going on)

papaw is fading fast. they have him sedated and the nurse said hes in final stages of dying. he has the death rattle too. i left work early to be wtih my mom so she woudlnt be there alone with him.

granny is doing ok. my dead beat uncle is coming tomorrow from georgia so he can punch his son time card and not feel guiltyfor doign nothign for her any other time.

im just wanting to sleep. but i havet oo muhc to do. ugh.

Prayers for you and your family @HALLIEBETH87

@HALLIEBETH87

I am so sorry your pawpaw is fading. It was good of you to leave work to be with your mom. Hopefully the 2 of you can be of some support to each other during this tough time. Glad to hear your granny is holding up. Sucks to hear about your uncle; aren’t some people just like that?

I'm still getting irritably angry. Almost yelled at my mom because she was telling me I don't have money for arthritis meds for my ESA dog. I'm sorry but my 14 year old dog will not live her last days in pain. Just because I have another dog doesn't mean I stop taking care of my first one. Yes things need to be moved around and cut and she's worried about me taking care of 2 dogs. But if I'm paying x amount for training I'm going to pay y amount for medical.

ive had a very hard week. but my husband is playing my grandaddys 1956 gretsch guitar an d it makes me smile

HI halli,
music can be very soothing. hubby plays guitar for a living. he teaches at our university here and teaches both classical and jazz and other guitar styles.
We have been here since 2001. I have been doing foot care for just as long.
25 years is nothing to sneeze at. Hubby spoke with an investment man who said we could retire at 62.which hubby turns next year.
We dont see us retireing any time soon. we both love our jobs and the longer you wait to retire the more you have for ss income.
bizi

I work in Sales and Marketing @Blueberrybook - I go into the candle shop once a week to Raleigh, take care of the store and teach candle making classes whenever I am there. During the week, I do back end things for her through Walmart.com for her products. I live an hour away so it can be challenging. I also work in an accounting office in my town a couple of days a week too - mostly freelance, all my jobs are freelance - I enjoy the freedom of being a 1099 worker.

The one other day I go to Raleigh, I drive around like a mad woman on Wednesday with everything else I do, lol. I am glad things are evening out with my boyfriend - we came to a resolution. Bipolar is hard, my mood swings give me whiplash, sometimes for him too lol. Being in recovery is hard too - because on top of my crazy bipolar was crazy alcoholism too. I added a HUGE drinking problem to my bipolar problem - I think about how I am even alive and functioning right now - must be God, honestly.

Glad you have friends too, even if they are far away. I still have a couple of friends still in New York. Friends are so important, my ex-husband didn't let me keep any of those friendships, and I resented him for that so much. Now, I maintain as many friendships as I can and keep them close.

@HALLIEBETH87 you're in my prayers I know that's a lot to go through.

Hey there @bizi !! Good to see you around again!

Idk why I'm not getting much feedback or support like I was a week ago.

I feel ok right now. I just ate a prepackaged salad. I did a few minutes on my new treadmill. I am out of shape. I threw up a few times. Don't know why. I feel better now.

About to turn this slop off TV and call it a night.

I got up early today. Around 3:30am, worked on painting some of my miniatures for awhile in the early morning while listening to an audiobook. Then I fell back asleep around 6am to 11:30am. So though it was broken up I got a total of 9 1/2 hours of sleep which is good. I was gonna push through and just stay up but I'm glad I let myself go back to sleep. I forced myself to sit outside in the sun for 30 minutes and socialize a tiny bit. I have been having a hard time getting myself to go out of my apartment lately so I've been doing small things like that to get myself out of these four walls for awhile because otherwise I get cabin fever and feel like I'm losing my mind. It's kind of a cunundrum because going outside gives me anxiety but staying inside all the time makes my anxiety and paranoia worse so I really need to make an effort to get used to going out more. I go through phases where I don't struggle with it then phases where I do struggle with it. Tomorrow I'm gonna take a walk to the library.

I also cleaned today! Which is huge because I struggle with getting myself to clean mainly due to procrastination. I'm always putting it off and it never gets done. So I'm really proud of myself for cleaning today. Motivation always follows action, I have to realize I can't wait for motivation to strike, because 99 percent of the time doesn't come till I start actually doing something.

So it's been a good day. I finished one audiobook today, listened to some of another audiobook, read a lot on my kindle and am almost finished with an ebook on there. So I've been getting a lot of reading done lately and I'm happy about that because it's so much better than scrolling on my phone all day.

I don't have much going on this weekend. I have a volunteer shift on Sunday with the rescue cats but thats it really. Just gonna make time for exercise and practicing violin. I might do yoga tonight. Tomorrow I'm getting on the treadmill. I feel better mentally when I'm regularly getting physical activity.

blue bird what is your kitty cats name?

My husband is a pretty talented gutar player. self taught. im learning mandolin and can play mountain dulcimer a bit