Bipolar Check-in #82

Yeah. Not even when I've barely slept when it comes to sounds. Specific sounds either induce rage (chewing, snoring, breathing--even if it's my own which is fun) or cause fear (footsteps, police sirens, doors shutting, cars driving by, stuff falling on the floor)

I use the headphones that came with my phone and listen to music. I have control over what I hear at what volume which makes me feel better, but they're shytty enough that I still hear things around me if I need to hear something I should react to which is also comforting.

Ty universe my student loan was certified!!!

I had a pretty productive day. Grocery shopped. Exercised. Cleaned. Practiced violin. Studied music theory. Took a shower.

Been just enjoying the evening bouncing between reading, playing games, and watching shows. Right now I’m watching the show Supernatural.

I want to go to sleep but it’s too early so I’m just trying to hold on till 8pm (it’s like 6:30pm here right now) to take my meds then read for a couple hours then hopefully finally sleep and hopefully sleep through the night and get more than 4 hours. I’m not setting an alarm tonight. I don’t care when I wake up as long as I sleep, I don’t have any appointments or anything to worry about

Oh yeah, I’m becoming my own payee for my SSI soon. Like within the next couple of weeks. I’ve had a payee since I was 19 since I got on SSI. Because of the mania and overspending. But now at 30 years old I’m stable enough to handle being in charge of my own finances. So that’s a big change coming up.

Woohoo blue bird that’s huge! Congratulations!

That's awesome Blue_Bird!

I hope those of you struggling with sleep can get good rest tonight

I called and talked with a nurse when I got home about 8:30 pm. last night. She thought it was an allergy to the mint sauce. She may have been right as I ate some lamb today without mint sauce and was fine. So I saw the dr today. She examined my mouth and even though I have chronic dry mouth from cogentin (the med that controls my uncontrolled movements) she said she saw no evidence of yeast or sores. It sure felt like I had many sores in my mouth last night! So now I have to see an allergist- let's not forget my recent allergic reaction to clam sauce- on the 30th. Problem is I don't dare drive myself there. It's almost an hour away. I'm terrible with directions even with my phone's gps and on top of that I'm always afraid my car is going to break down like it just did a few weeks ago! I could go to a clinic in town but the soonest they had was January and I can't be having allergic reactions for months! What if one gets serious! Everybody says to just use my gps. Yes if it were built into the car but on my phone? Seems dicey to me and I'm afraid of getting lost in unfamiliar surroundings.

Anyway that's my news. See the psych nurse practitioner tomorrow morning. Liver doctor won't have talked with her before I do. I refuse to go back up on the Risperdal!

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87 on the loan! You see, someone else in the universe believes enough in you to give you the money to educate yourself, and they just know what you put on your application!

Believe in yourself too! You got this! I paid for my own education, too and that was many years ago. I remember the day I paid off my student loan, it was a big day but I had a house and family by then. You've got a long and fulfilling career ahead of you @HALLIEBETH87!

Great news @Blue_Bird! Progress comes in a lot of little steps along the way leading up to a big step

It's hard for me to assert myself. But it's been bothering me for a while that i haven't raised my parking spot rent since i got a new person over two years ago. I checked with the building office and they are renting their spots for quite a bit more.

So i steeled myself and called my tenant and raised the rent five dollars, which is still a bargain. They agreed! So now my yearly parking rent makes almost one monthly mortgage payment! Yay!

@Blue_Bird:

Congratulations on becoming your own payee! That is huge! Bravo!

I had a busy day today. I saw both my T and pdoc.

The session with my T was good - reviewed my wins and not-so-wins, got some perspective which is good.

My pdoc couldn't prescribe Caplyta because it isn't in Canada yet, so we're going to retry a med I was on before.

@Scooter9:

Thanks for the info on Caplyta. I'm in Ontario too and considered it. It's really expensive too. Good luck retrying your med.

That's great @Blue_Bird!

Today, I struggled with depression, numbness, and irritability. The irritability wasn't awful, but it was worse than it's been in awhile. Part of it was just frustration with students not moving super fast. I had to step back and remind myself that we are only about a month into school so they are still adjusting to the pace of junior high.

Due to POTs, I'm not in charge of a major task I usually have to do. But, my boss hasn't found a replacement for me and the date of this thing is fast approaching. Paperwork should be going out within the next couple of weeks and I'm getting questions from parents. Parents still think I'm in charge so this is making me look back because I can't answer the questions since I don't know how the new person will want to run it. It's also going to make me look bad when parents are having to rush to complete all of the paperwork and get everything organized for their kids. I have to find a way to tell my boss to get moving and that this is making me look bad.

Daughter's first day of 7th grade and middle school was today. She was not happy afterwards. Still dealing with our flea infested apartment and flea cats, so our apartment has never been cleaner! My sleep has been shyt as of late. I've been averaging three hours a night. I've turned into a terrible insomniac and seroquel isn't helping (unless I take like 400mg, but even then I'll wake up 3 to 4 hours later). I'm not tired, so it's okay I guess, just really annoying. Got the September issue of the ezine up on time. Whew. But it was close this month. I'm pretty proud of this issue. Five new great short stories and an author interview. Just need to start getting submissions for the October issue now! Going to have to send out some submission requests on Facebook groups. Also, there's a person interviewing me for their website, which is kind of cool because I've never been interviewed before. Lol.

Mostly I just need to get my booty into gear and start working on my new writing project. I have a problem when I write where I'll write a lot, then have some sort of mood episode, get mush brain afterwards, and go into a, sometimes, years long hiatus, and I don't want that to happen this time. I think I can manage a book a year just fine. Summer break is over.

Husband has off tomorrow, Daughter has school and then is hanging out with her old babysitter after school, so Husband and I are having a full date day. Yippie! We get to launder everything again, vacuum again, and clean everything again! Fcking fleas. Piss me off. 😡 I still can't believe our INDOOR cats got fleas!!!!

so i see my t tomorrow after practicum and my pdoc friday am before work. been taking the prn zyprexa nightly. it helped soooooooo muhc. should i see about staying on a low dose at night in addition to my risperdal? ive been so much better with the two

Good for you, asking your tenants for more money for parking spot. Parking is expensive these days, you should be compensated for your spot.

My pdoc increased my Seroquel from 50 to 75 mg at night and added a couple PRN doses I didn't need today. The 75 mg is maybe kicking in 2 hours after I took it. I hope I don't need to take an extra 25 but I will if I'm not asleep fairly soon.

Last night I actually slept from 11 pm to 11 am without even getting up to pee. That's not happened in a long time. Today I cleaned my house because the handyman is coming in to do a few jobs tomorrow. I picked up a bottle of bleach spray but the top and the top separated from the cuff that should hold it in place. Bleach everywhere. Thank God it was in my bathroom. I may have a ruined bathmat as it took most of the hit. My entire house smells like a very heavily chlorinated swimming pool. So I have doors and windows open and I have a feeling it will be cold in here at some point in the night. I think we're supposed to get to the low 50s. It is good to have a nice clean house though although that is not how I would have chosen to clean the bathroom floor.

It's different meds but I felt a lot better after adding a small dose of Seroquel to my clozaril dose, which is high by blood levels. I doubt I'll ever come off either unless something drastic happens. The only thing I fear is having the Seroquel dose gradually upped and I don't want that. I would go to about 100 mg but no further (I'm on 75 as of today).

I actually feel very levelnow with taking 2.5 mg zyprexa and 6mg risperdal. im gonna ask. shell probably say no. ugh.

Another iffy night. I was still awake at 2am then fell asleep until 7:30am so almost 6 hours. It will do but I need a longer sleep to really function well. Sigh, I’m trying to get by on one mg of ambian. I’m prescribed 11/2 but it’s a pain to cut them in half. So every week at least once a week I take 2mg and sleep great that night. The ambian is all too easy for my body to get used to. So I don’t want to take the 11/2 on a regular basis.

Well happy hump day everyone hope it goes well.

I'm still level so my update is pretty boring. I found yesterday that I had forgotten to take my lamotrigine Monday, so maybe that's why I was a bit wound up yesterday morning.

I'm having strong desires to half my quetiapine for the night and take 150 mg instead of 3 mg to see if I can get by on that and be less tired when I wake. I haven't done it yet, but the temptation seems to be getting stronger.

I see my pdoc again tomorrow and hopefully this time he'll let me go a month between appts. b/c it's a pain to have to keep going every 2 weeks.

Blueberry, boring is good! 👍

That's awesome @Blue_Bird! I bet it feels nice

Fall is here. Well, it feels like it's here anyways

I hope that that will not happen to you!

@Nammu I woke up at 04:00Am and feel complete down.


Hope we both will have a good sleep this night.

@Blueberrybook I agree with Nammu! Have a good day!

I feel very tired. I have had the studies that take a lot of time and I have almost had no time to do house-work and so on.

It has built up. I become sick if I look at all this clutter. High tension in my body.

Do you remember that I took some benzos the other day? Well, I fell again and took more this day. It is scary! I am so frightened to not be able to cut it down before I get my normal prescription from my GP. The aim is to not use more than what is allowed by my GP.

I tried to help myself by filling the pillbox with the legal dozes and for 1 1/2 week + what I need to take to reduce what is too much.

I understand that I have to take this seriously and make some strategies to use to stop to use extra Benzos when feeling far from OK.

Frightened! Very frightened!