Bipolar Check-in #82

I’ll probably be kicked off, reason, I’m deaf. Disabled people under rump will be ostracized again.

I'm doing good today. My physical symptoms are ok and so is my depression. I've been watching Paramount+ on my phone today, and keeping the news on mute on the TV. So I've been able to concentrate on other stuff besides current events which is helping out my depression a lot. I slept pretty good last night. Overall if I just keep on track with things I'll be fine.

Bad panic attack going on, OMG. Hate this!

Edited:
Took prn hydroxyzine, it helped a little. My anxiety is still high. H is stressed about work, and it's getting to me.

Catching up now. Went to the children's museum yesterday. Tomorrow the zoo. Friday the aquarium. Hopefully his books will be here soon.

I believe I figured out what happened the other day. I ate something that went down the wrong way and I started freaking out that it went to my brain because it seemed to go up instead of down. And it hurt so badly. Then a couple days later was when I woke up with my nose dripping and the mucusy cough and yellow phelgm vomit. So I really might have kinda aspirated on it. I was negative for covid

dissociating right now so am gonna watch a movie and see if it helps

Can totally relate. Panic attacks are the worst! I’m glad that you are feeling some better. Reading a book I like or writing fiction or poetry usually helps me—so does prn Clonazapam.

As for the bipolar check-in, today has been pretty good in that I finished rereading “Dry” by Augusten Burroughs, whose books I find alternately tragic and hilarious. Most significantly, I finished reading the novel that I wrote as an undergrad and felt really moved by it. I regret never having sent it out for publication; maybe I’ll do so now.

I’m a little pissed at my psychiatrist’s office staff b/c they said they were calling me in more Lithium yesterday afternoon, and I don’t think they did. So, I’m going to have to take less tomorrow so that I have some on Monday—sucks. My mood just got stable; I don’t want it dysregulated again.

The chirping noise is still bothering my dog. I was overjoyed when it seemed to have stopped this afternoon. I posted about it but i deleted it because it started up again. It's lucky that we're having good weather for walking my dog far away from the building.

My bipolar holds steady at mildly depressed. I'm tempted to ask for anti-depressants just to get a break from it. But that's bad financially as i spend spend spend in hypomania. I'll just tough it out. The evenings and night are not bad. Just the daytime.

Hugs to all who want them!

I picked up my package from the fed ex building very easily. Now I have my dna kit for Wednesday!

went to the NAMI walk this am and it was fun!!!! then i spent the day with my niece and visited my granny too. i spent too much money lol

abot two weeks til i see new pdoc

I took a benzonzate and now I can't feel my throat or mouth. But I think thats supposed to happen.

Although I did take some melatonin a couple hours ago and some tums.

I need Tylenol right now but I can't because I took Tylenol PM less then 24 hours ago. I also still have the heartburn





Maybe I'm allergic to the med. I still have the weird shoulder issue the shot was supposed to take care of. If sounded like their was crinkly paper in it again today and it cracked a few times.

My blood pressure was good all day and that cyst thing is gone.

I'm definitely going to urgent care on Monday. This is NOT normal. I don't know what's wrong with me exactly or what they can even do for me, but hopefully SOMETHING. I've barely been able to get out of bed today. I managed to vacuum and do the dishes, but that is all.

@Blueberrybook

Fleas have a long life cycle, so sometimes it can take WEEKS to get rid of them completely. We're doing everything we can.

I've been pretty depressed today and realize I've been struggling with this on and off for a few weeks. Some of it comes from struggling to find things to get involved in/meet new people at. I just don't have much to do outside of work and going to Mass on Sundays so this wears on my mental health, especially in the evenings and over the weekend. Some of this depression is also med related (the birth control I'm using for my bipolar symptoms).

Today was IV fluid infusion day so that was good. The nurses at the outpatient clinic were very friendly. While there, I finished the book I was reading (The Midnight Library by Matt Haig) and listened to some of the Harry Potter audiobook I have on my phone. I also got some grading, chores, and errands done. Sadly, I still have more school work to do tomorrow. This isn't the most restful weekend.

TW if you choose to look up "The Midnight Library." SI is a big part of the book.

This COVID thing is nothing to mess around with. I'm probably going to have to see my doctor this week because I'm still very sick and I have asthma which is very angry too. My throat is so sore ti hurts to swallow. I just can't believe how bad I feel. It's not doing much for my moods either.


I'm going to have to cancel pointless therapist this week. Having no voice and the energy it would take to drive to the city and back mean it just won't work and virtual won't work bc of the lack of voice. I don't know if I'll go see her again the next week or not. I probably should but I just think "what am I going to talk to her about?" and I want to just avoid it. My real therapist is back in 2..5 weeks now. I'm holding it together so far without much therapeutic help so I'm pretty sure I can do it an extra week. I am not necessarily doing great but nobody could tell that. I'm not sure my real therapist will even pick up on it.

Last night I somehow missed my main pills. I took my extra ones at 11 and slept through the night just fine. I hope that happens again (although I did take my meds!). I don't know how I missed last night ; I must have deviated from my routine.

We've been looking at houses near my sister for quite a while. My mom saw one today that she really likes. She's not sure she'll make an offer but I can tell she liked it a lot. I wish I could have been there to see it. But I trust her and the pictures on the real estate site look good. The way this always works is that she gets outbid or someone offers to pay with cash. But we'll see.

I'm maybe feeling a little sleepy...going to get some more tea with honey. If it doesn't do anything at least it tastes good.

@BeyondtheRainbow

When Husband and I got covid we were sick with it for two weeks. Probably should have gone to the doctor, but we didn't. It was in January of 2021 I believe. Daughter had to spend those two weeks at Husband's mom's house so she wouldn't get it. It was awful. I hope you start to feel better soon. You are definitely in my thoughts. Sending healing vibes. 🙏

Seeing pdoc on Wednesday. Taking the day off work. Takes 1.5 hours to get there. Appointment is at midday. When I saw him 3 weeks ago he said he wants me to have time off work. Now that my workers comp is through, I can. Will ask him on Wednesday if he still thinks I need time off.

So Victoria has decided to go back on medication after a frightening and embarrassing night with. Psychosis. Her friend's noticed. She wants me to go with her to her appointment. She was supposed to make an appointment earlier and she never did. She says she's tired of fighting with her Drs.

I woke up at 6:30 and I decided to take a shower. Then I opened all the curtains and went into the living room to watch the news. I'm going to wash my comforter and blankets today. This is my 3rd shower this week. I'm really improving with it. I also got my laundry done yesterday and I really limited my news. I had that weird stuff last night but I feel a lot better today. I just need to keep pushing myself more.

@Victoria'smom
Glad your daughter has decided to go back on medication. I hope it helps her.

@raspberrytorte and @BeyondtheRainbow I hope you are both feeling better soon and that hopefully you can see a doctor and get something to help you recover.

@June08
Sorry about your depression. Are you just taking the birth control for your bipolar or for your periods too? If it's causing you depression and you don't need it for your cycle, is it something to consider getting off of? It sounds like you've really been struggling with depression lately. When do you see your pdoc next?

@Blue_Bird
Did the movie help any with your dissociation? I have it a lot, most days I think but some days it's worse than others. Today I even lost time with it which is disconcerting, but it was only a few minutes. I was boiling eggs and looked at the timer, it had 3 min. left. I went to sit down and drink some coffee I'd already made and next thing I know the egg timer was going off and it felt like I'd only just sat down and had a sip of my coffee like it had been 3 sec and not 3 min. It happened while jogging too but that was more like being outside of myself (watching a movie I guess is how it's often put), not really feeling the jogging on my body, just automatically doing it not so much losing time.

I've had a pretty productive morning so far - exercised, showered, refilled meds, had breakfast, put away a grocery delivery, started a load of laundry. I'm so glad to have groceries restocked, especially my fresh fruits and vegetables. We go through a lot of fresh produce in a week.

My mood is pretty level and calm right now, anxiety is low so all is good on that front. I'm not so wound up this morning as I have been the past few mornings.

Hope everyone has a fanastic Sunday!

Caleb left after breakfast. He’s probably home by now. I’m laying on the couch waiting for N1 to text me back. Today is her day off and she probably wants to sleep in.,,I haven’t seen her in a while and thought we could go out for coffee.

@Blueberrybook yeah the movie helped with the dissociation. It was a good distraction and by time it finished I was so tired from my night meds I laid down and fell asleep almost instantly. I watched Lightyear which is the Buzz Lightyear Disney Pixar movie

Good afternoon friends. I woke up super early, around 5am then fell back asleep at 6am to 10:45am. I slept good. Has really weird dreams. Right now I’m enjoying my “morning” even though it’s technically 12pm so it’s really afternoon. But I’m still in my waking up phase and am just drinking some black tea and watching Supernatural. I’m gonna read for awhile while my phone charges.

I’m so ready for fall. I love everything about it. The cooler weather, the changing leaves, pumpkins, pumpkin spice everything, apple cider , all the fall treats, being able to wear long sleeves and sweatshirts , rainy days, Halloween. Spending time at a cafe reading with a coffee and treat while looking out the window at the pretty leaves. Baking desserts, pies etc. Coffee is best in the fall!

Anyway, yeah really looking forward to it. I also got a book recently called The Pumpkin Spice Cafe that I’m really looking forward to reading.

I have to practice violin later tonight then I need to record 5 Christmas ukulele songs for my 30 christmas song ukulele challenge. Those are my main goals for today.

Good morning 😃

I had a wonderful sleep. Filled with dreams. It’s sort of a reoccurring dream. Not totally the same but I’m in a trendy part of and old city and the bus service is terrible. This time it was an elite tennis match and all the restaurants and food venders were foreign and the food was all new to me and menus were in Arabic or mandarin. By the time I got up the nerve to try and order all the food had been put away. Then I was in city hall trying to get better bus service to that area. No idea what it means! But it was interesting and novel that I could dream of foreign languages.

Last night I made the jello salad but had to throw the strawberries away as there were two completely spoiled ones that affected the whole bunch. But it should be fine without the strawberries. I have the pot luck at 5 today. It’s always interesting. It depends on where I sit. Usually the usual gang of us play games after.

omgi slept from 1 am to 10 am without the sleep aid. im sooo tired. whats wrong with me??