Bipolar Check-in #82

im crashing. down and down. so sleepy

@HALLIEBETH87 you needed the sleep.
bizi

I heard about The New Yorker magazine a long time ago and kind of ignored it because I thought it was focused on New York.

Boy was I wrong! I just subscribed and found 2 books that I'm going to try to read. They're not new books but they sound interesting.

I'm feeling really low. I'm not engaged in my hobby - I just can't get into it.

I can see the rut in the road and am circling it, trying to avoid getting stuck in it.

I'm washing my blankets and they came out of the washing maching sopping wet. I put them in the dryer anyways and even after an 1 hour and 20 minutes on high they are still completely wet. So they went in for another 1 hour and 20 minutes on high. My sister and bil and the kids are coming over in a bit to celebrate my brothers birthday. They invited themselves over and my mom is fixing dinner and the cake. Kinda rude tbh. I know they are pretty much hoaders but at least bring dinner.

Monday morning. Ughhhhhhh. At least I have Wednesday off to see pdoc.

I hit my reading goal for 2024. I challenged myself to read 45 books this year and I just hit that number! And am still gonna keep going of course

Good job! My goal is to make it out to breakfast evetually.

Thanks and thats a great goal to have!

My therapy appointment is tomorrow morning at 11am. We’re starting the EMDR therapy tomorrow. Idk what to expect from it really but we’ll see how it goes. Does anyone here have any experience with EMDR for trauma?

It can be hard. Stay the
Course. Han gin there.

You’re worth it!

I don’t wanna sleep
So much !!

One blanket dried after round 2. The second needed a 3rd hour on high. But now I have my blankets.

This has been suggested for me but I've never tried EMDR. I've heard good things about it though. I look forward to reading your updates.

@Blue_Bird:

I tried EMDR for trauma but i was in crisis so i didn't give it a fair shake. We just did one session for "installation of a positive memory" which the therapist can use to restore you if you get into trouble processing bad memories. It worked! I was so surprised! But in subsequent sessions i wasn't well enough to try more EMDR and then i abandoned it altogether. So, i had success when i was well enough to try it. Best of luck to you!

Thank you @JaneOnceMore and @Blueberrybook

I definitely plan on posting updates about how it goes, thank you both for your replies!

@JaneOnceMore that’s really cool that the positive memory thing worked, hopefully I’ll have a similar experience tomorrow with the first step, though I know it’s an ongoing process

They might have gotten unbalanced in the washing machine and stopped spinning and hence stopped rinsing and draining. You wouldnt know if you got there after the time ran out.

Did you see my reply? Its hard but worth it!! it changed my life!

Sorry I didn’t see it, thank you for your input as well, I’m glad to hear it was really helpful! That gives me hope

@Blueberrybook I'm only taking the birth control meds to manage my bipolar symptoms. I decided to give it a shot because my mood symptoms are clearly related to my cycle so every month I was having a week and a half to two weeks of mania followed by a depression crash, some of which were rather severe. When I first started birth control, the depression symptoms went away when I didn't take the placebo pill, but I had to start taking the placebo due to side effects and now have depression instead. I'm giving it another month or two to see if the depression symptoms go away once my body has more time to adjust to the med. If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what I'll do since depression is a common side effect of birth control meds. I could still try another one I suppose. I can't up my Wellbutrin because the next dose up causes extreme irritability. I see my pdoc at the end of the month. He didn't prescribe the birth control though-he is very supportive of this decision but is uncomfortable prescribing birth control because those kinds of meds/gynecology aren't his specialty.

The chirp continued today, tho it did stop for three hours in the late afternoon. But i disciplined myself not to get excited, and sure enough it started up again, just like yesterday. I've decided that i will reluctantly accept that i have to walk my dog three times a day, now that the dog-park on our property is off-limits due to the chirping. I'm full of aches and pains, but it's getting easier.

I'm trying to coach myself that my life is easy in so many other ways, i can handle it. I don't care for rolling out of bed in the morning and having to take her out right away, as i'm all dopey and dehydrated then. But i can bear it, at least at this time of year. I've had an easy time with my dog for twelve years, it's not gonna kill me to have some extra duties for the balance of her life.

I might even be feeling some positive effects from the exercise, as my mood has improved a bit!

Hugs to those in need!

Rain rain rain. Think the next few days are clear.

I was really upset by an email my domain leader sent me today. I’m trying not to take it personally but to me it’s just time to take some time off work.

I’m finished.

Just finished my bagel with cream cheese at Panera. Therapy in 2 hours. Bit my tongue yesterday during breakfast with Caleb. The underside/side on the left side. Well I bit the same place this morning! Waiting for my mom and Caleb to call back. We went through old prints of photos yesterday- my mom sister and I. Several of me skinny pre-bipolar/meds. I was lithe!

ugh hubby let his damn alaram go off 11 times beofre getting up

Had my first EMDR session in therapy today. It seemed to help. By the end of it my SUDs score for a memory we were reprocessing went down a lot. Which is good, the higher score means the worse you feel. So a low score is good. Have a much more intense memory to do next session.

So exhausted. I think I’m
Crashing. I want that energy back!!