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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,967
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Oct 06, 2024 at 06:53 PM
#81
Quote:
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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 BeyondtheRainbow, Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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 LadyShadow
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,779
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Oct 06, 2024 at 07:22 PM
#82
I felt like I was having a heart attack because of stomach cramps and heartburn so I took my blood pressure and it was 134/92. I'm trying to relax. I sent 2 kinda frantic emails to my therapist. She hasn't responded. Maybe she is busy with her client having surgery tommorow. Or shes just trying to relax on a Sunday.
But idk I kinda want to go to the ER to get checked out. I also think I may have effed around with my Geodon and taken one at midnight and then one at 9AM. So I guess I'd need my Geodon in a bit. __________________ I'm Blue |
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| Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,944
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13 68.9k hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 08:02 PM
#83
Quote:
When i had my stroke thing, i dialed 9111 and had to take apart my effing phone to reset it, which is even harder to do when your effed up. JHC. So doobie careful. |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 19,156
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11 14.9k hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 08:18 PM
#84
Just such anxiety today I feel paralysed almost
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| BeyondtheRainbow, June08, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,660
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9 11.9k hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 08:56 PM
#85
@raspberrytorte Your last post is in the questions thread instead of this one. I tried to tag you there but I had a typo and it won't correctly tag you for some reason.
Just wanted you to know why you aren't getting responses. The cat hat is the exact right choice! 
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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| Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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LadyShadow, Nammu, raspberrytorte
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 17,176
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16 2,716 hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 09:48 PM
#86
My good friend who has been talking with me every day has stopped responding when I told him about my friend with benefits and how he’s no good for me emotionally and that we had a text argument today. But the good friend is married so wtf?
__________________ Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 1.5 mg, Gabapentin 300 Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Rosi700
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,660
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Oct 06, 2024 at 09:56 PM
#87
I got an article from a medical newsletter I get today that said they are meeting next month to consider changing the clozaril situation by doing a few things like revising the messed up computer system and maybe ending blood tests after 2 years. That would be lovely. It's part of my routine now and that's fine but I would love to stop. More than anything I wish they'd stop the ridiculous REMS that messes up confusion so much. I have to deal with that this week or I'll be out of meds. My pdoc has been out for Rosh Hosannah and so not only did she not respond to my last question but I'll be on the bottom of the pile after that. Which means another week of pestering her secretary. Not having to deal with that would be great.
It also said that people on APs in general are at higher risk and should have all vaccines: COVID boosters, flu, DTaP, etc. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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| Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, Nammu, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: USA
Posts: 306
2 1,873 hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 10:06 PM
#88
I was able to play some catch up after not getting much done yesterday. I didn't get quite all the grading done I wanted to, but over half of it is complete.
I've noticed a switch in my day to day emotions routine. For a week of so, I was waking up feeling pretty depressed, would feel okay during the day, and by the evening and night I was feeling pretty good (to the point where I was worried about hypomania). Now, in the past few days, I feel depressed in the evenings too. and more numb on and off throughout the day. And, feeling more overwhelmed/anxious over the last half a week to one week. My guess is these emotions are just general emotional stuff and not bipolar related. Time to go put my laundry away so I can actually sleep on my bed. I dumped it all on my bed so I'd have no choice but to put it away since it's clean clothes from Friday. __________________ Lamotrigine: 300 mg Bupropion: 150 mg Risperidone: 3 mg |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,263
9 9,123 hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 10:19 PM
#89
Quote:
I'm actually getting both. 😊 I will be both kitty and freak this winter, depending on what mood I am in. Husband recommended it. Lol. Yippie! __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Crazy Hitch, LadyShadow, Rosi700
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,263
9 9,123 hugs
given
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Oct 06, 2024 at 10:36 PM
#90
Anyway, so in my misplaced post I was saying that I was doing some latuda research online and reading reviews on it, and all the reviews I read were really negative. Now I'm scared to try it! Someone said they developed Parkinson's from it. 😱 And everyone was saying they got akathisia.
I don't want Parkinson's. I don't want akathisia! I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm going to be blunt and I apologize in advance for not putting a trigger button, but I want to be able to have a damm orgasm again!!!! But I also don't want to fall into a deep depression. Ugh. Gotta talk to scary psychiatrist lady. At least my therapist will be there with me! And I plan on making a list of everything I want to talk about. One of my husband's mom's dogs died today, so Husband is bringing her corpse to the vet with his mom tomorrow morning before our cat's vet appointment, and then right away after that is my psychiatrist appointment. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Oh my god. __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Crazy Hitch, June08, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, Nammu, Rosi700
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 19,156
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11 14.9k hugs
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Oct 06, 2024 at 11:05 PM
#91
My mother rang me on WhatsApp. She lives in America. It was a good pick me up. I had been lying in bed until 2:00 when she convinced me to go shower. I picked up a few of my sons toys too that were lying around. I feel a bit better but still a bit sad and anxious.
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| BeyondtheRainbow, June08, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, Nammu, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,967
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14 57.3k hugs
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Oct 07, 2024 at 02:43 AM
#92
Not sleeping tonight. Really want too, but can’t. So frustrating
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, June08, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2022
Location: At the coast.
Posts: 863
1 3,510 hugs
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Oct 07, 2024 at 03:48 AM
#93
Quote:
__________________ Never forget to structure your days!  Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances! |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, Nammu, raspberrytorte
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2022
Location: At the coast.
Posts: 863
1 3,510 hugs
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Oct 07, 2024 at 04:15 AM
#94
I feel angry with myself for letting depression grow!
 I am on a new medication for diabetes and I think it fools with my psyche, so I need to be aware of that as well. Some weeks ago (still summer) we had some bad weather and I became depressed by the weather change. I fell out of my practice with using routines. Now I am here, struggling. I need to continue to make routines, but the problem is that I don't feel for it. I used the whole summer trying to build up my physical health and to keep my good routines! Think it was a shock to find out that only a few days of bad weather could rip that apart. I must have given myself up, like "whatever I do, it doesn't matter". I need to turn this thinking around and start again, building routines one step at the time. Self blame is of no use! First thing to do now, is to go out for a walk! 
__________________ Never forget to structure your days! Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances! |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, June08, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, Nammu, raspberrytorte
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,263
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Oct 07, 2024 at 06:14 AM
#95
I am FREAKING OUT right now about my mom. What am I going to do when my parents get really, REALLY old and DIE?! UGH. I don't want anything to do with it. I wish my mom and I could talk things out but there's no reasoning with her. She's right. I'm wrong. She's a BULLY. She's a NARCISSIST, and I'm the black sheep of the family.
I really hope they changed their will and made my sister the primary beneficiary for when they die. My sister actually gets along with them. She hangs out with them. She gets drunk with them. I'm the fukk up because I married a man who played in metal bands, has tattoos, and was supposedly going to beat me and turn me on to drugs (I've never done any drugs, besides the occasional weed in my late twenties). My mom literally said to me, "If he beats you, you can come back home." WHAT THE FUKK MOM. __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, June08, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, Nammu, Rosi700
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,779
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Oct 07, 2024 at 06:32 AM
#96
I slept really good. My stomach issues are gone and all I took last night were 2 pepto bismol tablets. My anxiety and energy levels are a lot better too. I know I typically feel this way in the morning before crashing around noon. But I actually do feel good this morning. I have therapy in a bit and she did send me an email last night saying she hoped I feel better. I see my pdoc at 3:15. I think he'll just talk to me about the GI stuff since my psych meds seem to be ok. But hopefully he has talked to my GI doc by then.
I forgot about taking a shower since I felt so sick yesterday. I'll get in in a bit. __________________ I'm Blue |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Blue_Bird, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,497
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Oct 07, 2024 at 08:05 AM
#97
Good morning! I slept okay. I didn't get to sleep till a bit after midnight and slept till around 7:30am. I'm going to clean today. Have an inspection tomorrow. Just enjoying some coffee and music right now.
My mood is pretty good. Gonna play some games today. And read. Mustachio woke me up today. She always wakes me up super early if her food dish is empty. Mocha is sleeping in his little bed right now. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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| BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots, Nammu, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,263
9 9,123 hugs
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Oct 07, 2024 at 08:23 AM
#98
I haven't taken a shower or changed my clothes in two days. I'm frickin NASTY right now. At least my scary psychiatrist appointment isn't until 12:30. Texted my therapist, completely freaking out about my mom and telling her I didn't know what to do. My husband made a good observation. Whenever my mom reaches out to me like this it gets me all upset. 😡
It's really hard for me to properly get across how toxic my mom is, but here's an example of some of the absolutely atrocious things she's said to us. She's all into conspiracy theories. During the COVID shut down year my husband's dad was dying of COPD. We went over to my parents house to visit and started talking about masks. My mom was totally against them of course and Husband was saying they were a good thing (I mean, HIS DAD WAS DYING FROM COPD) and my mom said, "Don't guilt trip me into wearing a mask!" WHAT THE FUKK MOM. |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, Nammu
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,263
9 9,123 hugs
given
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Oct 07, 2024 at 08:32 AM
#99
Oh, and then when I briefly lived with them as an adult she hid my energy beverages from me and for some reason I was "selfish" for wanting to take my prn cogentin (was having some akathisia), and when I said my psychiatrist said I could take it, she said, sarcastically, "REALLY, Sarah?"
And then when she finally got it for me she left a sarcastic and immature note with it saying I needed to take it with food. My 12 year old is more mature than she is. AND she sent a bunch of nasty and disrespectful texts to my husband. She's such a bytch. Oh my god. __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, Nammu, Rosi700
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,947
7 523 hugs
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Oct 07, 2024 at 08:34 AM
#100
raspberry, I'm sorry your relationship with your mom is so toxic. Sounds like the best thing to do is have extremely minimal contact with her, maybe even block her on your H's cell if she's texting him crap.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte, Rosi700
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BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, Nammu, raspberrytorte
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