Bipolar Check-in #83

I slept for 10 hours! That's the longest I have slept in a very long time - maybe the beginning of the year!

I was able to meditate today for about 10 minutes, which is good. It's a start. It's nice to look inwards without being interrupted.

My anxiety is still up but I think I'm getting a handle on it. I'm not controlling it, but I'm changing how I relate to it and I think it's helping. It's still too early to know for sure but I'm trying.

I went to the mall this morning and filled my car up with petrol.

Came home and started reading Stranger Beside Me about Ted Bundy. I battled to get into it because my mind kept wandering.

Going to pick up my son soon from school. Feels like the day is almost over and I haven’t even had dinner yet. My partner gets home late from work tonight which is a bugger because my son hates it when I have to put him to bed.

I'm so happy for all of you who were able to get some sleep! I was also able to-I unintentionally slept for about 12 hours, only waking up once or twice.

I was able to get a good amount done today. With tomorrow being the last day of fall break, I won't get everything on my list done. But, I can always work on some things after work later in the week or next weekend. I wrote a list of the things I must get done tomorrow. I was also able to video chat with my cousin, which was nice because we haven't talked in awhile.

My anxiety was up a bit this evening/tonight. Some of it is financial, trying to figure out the most financially responsible way to get the IVs I need and learning today that I have two more IV bills coming my way (I'm assuming $150 each). Thankfully, it's really easy to set up a payment. plan with the medical system my doctor is through.

Scary psychiatrist lady actually called me today and left me a message. Have to call her back tomorrow around noon. I'm scared. 😱 I don't want her to get pissed at me for going back on my normal doses of Lamictal and sertraline without asking her first, but I was really spiraling downwards and felt so bad. I feel much better now that I'm back on my normal doses. Back to my cheery self. Moral of story: don't fukk with the sertraline! Keep the sertraline where it's at, or you'll end up bawling your eyes out on the kitchen floor circa midnight, with your poor husband trying to console you.

I was feeling quite bold yesterday morning and for some reason decided it was a good idea to text pics of Daughter's birthday to my mom. I don't know why. But the end result was that somehow I managed a get together planned with them at a Mexican restaurant at 5:30PM on Thursday night. Ugh. Why did I have to be so bold? I didn't know what to do though! My mom kept on inquiring about our schedule and hanging out and then asked if I wanted to Thursday night. I chose our favorite Mexican restaurant and asked them if they wanted to meet there, instead of going to their depressing dwelling where we'd be on their turf. I'm a fool!!! I should have come up with some excuse why Thursday night wouldn't work. ANYTHING. But I didn't for some reason. I have to text my therapist tomorrow!!!

Though for some reason I'm feeling kind of calm about the whole situation. I don't know. Right now I can't look past Wednesday night and the KMFDM show! Yay!!

Oh my goodness, look at how many of us slept!! I have to look at the calendar, but do you guys think that big full moon last night helped all of us sleep so good?? LOL. I slept too!! Granted not that much, but I do feel well rested this morning and feel accomplished for the day - woke up with a positive attitude and it's going to carry me through the day.

In a much better mood overall - I think it helped that me and my boyfriend really connected last night and showed so much appreciation for each other. Sometimes just being kind to one another can provoke such good feelings. Reached out and left a voicemail to my ex best friend last night - it went right to voicemail which means I am blocked, which is okay, she's not the first person to block me after I lashed out.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Tuesday ahead! Going to go out today, thinking maybe I need to get out more and enjoy the beautiful days when I can. Going to an AA meeting, spending some time at my church, then get my eyebrows done today - maybe treat myself to a big Blue Cheese Salad at Zaxby's too. YUM!

Love you guys - Hugs @Blueberrybook - I hope you feel better soon.

I decided to stop taking all medicine until I see pdoc on Friday. It hurts my stomach and it's not Worth it. I am seeing little black things flurry and scerry around the room. I'm focused on my project. The one I'm not suppose to be doing because I'm supposed to be relaxing and sleeping..

I didn't get up until 8:45. I kept falling back asleep. I woke up at 3 to take my meds and then I fell back asleep until 6:30 and then I fell back asleep until 7:30 and then I fell back asleep again and I finally woke up for good at 8:45.

I don't know why I was so tired. I fell asleep around 6 last night on just 10mg of melatonin. I was up for just a few minutes around 11. I still haven't taken any valium. My anxiety and moods are fine.

Once I stumbled out of bed I went to Starbucks for an apple oatmilk macchiatio. Now I'm just watching the Today Show. I don't have any plans today.

Good morning. I slept well. Woke up with a headache though due to caffeine withdrawal. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today. @2:30pm. It’s going on 11am now. So I have a few hours before I have to walk over there. I need to take a shower before I go. Mustachio has made herself at home on my bedside table since I moved the lamp. Mocha is still cuddled up in his chair sleeping. I’m hoping my headache goes away soon. I turned the heat on earlier cause it got cold but now I’m overly hot from it and uncomfortable especially combined with the headache.

I just took 25 mg last night and sleep ok. I woke up at around 4 am got up opened the window and got something to drink. This morning it was 67 degrees in the bedroom, just right for sleeping. Was able to get back to sleep so altogether around 8 hours. And still my eyes don’t hurt! Yeah!

Blueberry I hope you got good sleep too and are feeling better!

Lady shadow I wonder if it’s the new cooler weather that’s helping?

Pdoc day today. I’m nervous for a few reasons. He will determine if I’m ready for work yet. My psychologist said he’s not clearing me for work because my anxiety stress and depression are severe but he’s not my pdoc.

I’ll update later on!

I sleep pretty well usually. When I first started Ozempic it interrupted my sleep terribly but I have adjusted. The pounds I’m losing are really getting up there. Thrilled about that.

I respectfully told my family that I was bowing out of family events until around Easter. Not being hateful…it’s just a lot of chaos and I’m in a period of healing…physically and mentally. Peace is my priority.

I planned to order the Cracker Barrel big feast for me and mom then decided to invite the family for Thanksgiving. Pick a lane, Sunflower, pick a lane.

Mom’s dog has become a support dog to me in so many ways. We both love her to pieces. I had a particularly bad nightmare the other night and I was crying in my sleep and must have called out because she rushed over and snuggled in to my side. She was there before I realized I’d had a bad dream. Sweet baby.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day and evening

Omg. SO anxious today I have a headache. 😟 Called scary psychiatrist. She didn't answer, so I just left her a voicemail. I just said I was crying at the lowered dose and not myself at all and went back to my previous doses and am feeling much, MUCH better and begged her to please, PLEASE not be mad at me!!! I'm so scared to talk to her. I don't WANT to talk to her! She doesn't listen to me! I TOLD her doses higher than 200mg of Lamictal turn me into a MORON! But she didn't believe me.

I even took 300mg of seroquel TWO HOURS AGO, and it's just now kind of kicking in and, whew, I'm starting to feel a bit better.

Thank god. Jesus Christ. Lord on high!

I'm happy everyone is finally getting sleep. I've still been getting my usual four hours. Go to bed around midnight/12:30AM wake up around 3:30AM/4AM. Whatever. I take an hour long nap in the morning..

Yes @Nammu - I think the cooler temperatures have helped with the sleep. Especially the cool, fresh air in the house. You know my window is by the parking lot, but my kitchen window is very high up and in the back so having that open has helped keep my apartment nice and cool. I think that really helped with sleep!

So glad everyone has been getting some sleep at least. @raspberrytorte I really feel for you ! I hope you are able to get a resolution with your psychiatrist.

Just got back from an amazing day out and about in my town. Saw a fellow NY'er from Brooklyn in the meeting today - his heavy accent really reminded me of home.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

Had a good appointment with my psychiatrist. He increased the Thorazine back to 200mg so I can sleep better. Also he prescribed vitamin d3 and at a lower dose. Cause he had prescribed a different formulation of vitamin D before and at a higher dose and I had a lot of bad side effects (gastrointestinal) so hopefully this kind works out better. I also have an appointment with my regular medical doctor tomorrow. Just to discuss what we can do if this doesn’t go well with the vitamin D3. Since my vitamin D levels are very low. But who knows maybe the different formulation at a lower dose I won’t have any problems with. We shall see.

Dissociated on my walk home but am laying on the couch now under a blanket watching stuff and listening to music to ground myself. So far it’s been 2 full days without coffee. I am allowing myself to get a caramel macchiato at the Italian cafe /bakery that I have a gift card to. But I’m just not buying coffee to bring in my apartment anymore. Cause I always end up drinking cup after cup of black coffee all day every day and it’s not good for my anxiety. It sucks though. It’s my favorite drink. I’m trying to get used to water. Really trying. Hopefully it gets easier over time.

It does get easier over time dropping back on the caffeine. I’ve gone from 6-8 cups of coffee a day to 1 cup when I wake up in the morning. When I go back to work it will be 2 cups because I usually have one when I arrive at work. You can do it! Just do it gradually.

Now we're looking at putting our dog down tomorrow. **** life.

Thank you! That was my range too. 6-8 cups daily. Good to know it gets easier

Jeeze I was knocked out for 2 hours this afternoon. No idea why. I slept through the furnace guy being here. I slept through the time I'd normally take my stomach med. I haven't had any melatonin and I'm still on the one valium. I feel fine. I haven't had any issues with my stomach today.

I guess thats good that I wasn't dying for valium and my stomach med today. I didn't take any Tylenol either.

We had to call the furnace guy because the heat wasn't working. It turned out there was a giant acorn stuck in the pipe. Lol.

Sorry we have another sick cat here. we jsut lost one last week

I had an appointment with my PCP today. Sadly, it had to be virtual (I think she was working from home for some reason). It was a POTs follow up. She also prescribed me a new birth control to try to help my moods. She found the one she suggests really cheep on GoodRX if I go through Walmart, which isn't my usual pharmacy. But, that is what it is. So, hopefully that went through. If I'm feeling well enough, I'll go to that Walmart after work tomorrow to see if it went through. She said I can start it any time. I need to schedule a follow up in about 3 months.

I'm going to be putting some sub plans for tomorrow, just in case. My body was overheating earlier today which could be because I hadn't had enough to drink but sometimes also happens before I get sick.

That squirrel is gonna be mad when he comes back looking for it!

Everything is fine, just feeling quiet.

@Blue_Bird:

Good for you for trying to quit coffee!

@Victoria'smom and @HALLIEBETH87 I'm sorry about your pets. Losing a pet is like losing a best friend and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I’m having to clean up the manic messes I’ve made. I see Pdoc tomorrow morning so she can straighten my brain out. Hopefully avoid a crash into depression. I feel I feel broken. Mystified. Incredulous, scared and dumbfounded .