Bipolar Check-in #83

My anger is a funny thing. I got really mad yesterday about a dinner party a neighbor had that i was not invited to. It ruined the day from mid-afternoon on. Then i woke up this morning and my anger had all disappeared. I don't WANT to go to a dinner party, i realized.

I tidied up my place yesterday. I did the garbage and recycling -- even items that have been hanging around the fridge and freezer too long. There was a lot to go out. Glad i got that done and my place is all fresh and empty again.

Today i have a stomach ache and didn't sleep well, so my plans are less ambitious. I have my support group's ZOOM social hour at 4:00pm and a local TV news broadcast at 6:00pm. Neither are reliable activities, in terms of if i can tolerate them or not, but i'll just do my best.

I listened to Jelly Roll's "I Am Not Okay" several times. Such a comforting message!

Unfortunately not they tested my charger at the store and were actually using my charger to charge my iPad after they “fixed” it …..

Anxiety high. Shaking hands. Not sure if it’s the lithium or the anxiety. Back to the Apple Store today. Round 2. Have to find a place to put petrol in my car. Ughhhhh. It just all feels too much ….. chewing away on the nicotine gum. Feeling so tired. Woke up 4:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Will come home from the Apple Store and hopefully sleep but I won’t be back until this afternoon. It’s over an hour away.

And we are definitely NOT moving. My mom realized this morning that she does not want to move. doesn't want the changes that would happen if we moved into the perfect for what we thought we wanted house and just generally wants to stay here. So the roller coaster is over. She knows that she is giving up on the best house we'll ever find for what we've been considering and still wants to stay so it is permanent. We'll take any next steps as they come.


I'm glad to not move. I never wanted to. I do feel shell-shocked. But that's ok. I'll recover. The only thing that I don't like is that I won't be living there already when my mom isn't here and I'll have to move there to be near my sister when my own world has blown up. But that time will suck no matter what so I'm not sure it mattes.

I also have a new, no theft reported debit card. I have to reset some things with the new one. That will wait. Today I'm trying to rest a bit and tomorrow I have to go to therapy, get blood drawn for a Clozaril level and go to Kohls for some things.

I want to take a nap but I need to peek in on the dog who isn't feeling great today and had an accident yesterday (he's old) and I'm not supposed to be napping per my pdoc. So I just will hang on and try to not fall asleep so early my body thinks it is time to wake up at 4 AM.

@BeyondtheRainbow
What a roller coaster--moving/not moving/moving, etc. That would do me in. I'm glad the back-and-forth is over for you.

Well I pushed myself to go down and play games. One lady asked if she could get a ride to get her glasses, and pick up her husband’s mail. He died and his house is empty. I don’t mind sometimes. I say no a lot. I don’t mind the occasional ride but I’m really a homebody and don’t like going here and there just to spend money. A person doesn’t need to spend money everyday of the week. I know it’s good for me to get out though.

While I was out I stopped at the coffee shop to get a refresher. It wasn’t a Starbucks tho but I got something similar. Feels great on my throat that’s still sore for some reason. Tasty too, they put real peach into it.

Well that was my big effort today, not going to bingo tonight. I don’t know, eh, bingo just isn’t my cup of tea right now.

Well we may lose the perfect apartment because I'm a **** up. This is bull ****.

Take it easy on yourself @victoria’smom

I hope everything works out for you 🫂

Someone got into my computer, got my credit card details, and did some fraudulent transactions.

I know they got into my computer because they were moving the mouse and poking through all of my stuff.

I managed to stop them and figured out how they got in, repaired programs, fixed files, reverted system settings, etc. It took hours. I also reset all of my passwords and cancelled my cards.

What a pain! I'm glad I'm technical so I was able to figure it out myself. My son was watching me and he kept asking how I know what to do.

All this triggered a major panic attack with shaking, fast heart, racing thoughts, etc.

I made it through though. I might just reinstall my system to be on the safe side.

This happened because I downloaded an app from a vendor's website and they were compromised, so the hackers replaced the legitimate app with an infected one.

If you use Windows, make sure that you're running Microsoft Defender and give it permission to scan your files. It takes 2 minutes to make sure it's running and protecting your computer.

@Scooter9 that would’ve triggered a major panic attack in me and I’m not as tech savvy as you!