Bipolar Check-in #83

A bus in the library parking lot has taken many a sample of bodily fluid from me!

...people who can't swallow for 30 minutes I guess
(run me over with that bus)

I woke up at 4:50am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Ughhhh.

My son’s school has an art show after school. I can’t say I feel like going. Parking is a major issue after school when there are events but of course for my son’s sake I will go.

I might go to the store after I’ve dropped him at school. Gp said I must snack on nuts. She wants me to eat eggs for breakfast. That is not going to happen. I don’t feel like cooking eggs every morning thank you very much. I’ll have to look for a protein shake that doesn’t have sugar.

I’m going to ring the dietitian today and see when her next availability is. Just wasn’t up to ringing yesterday. Thing is I’m on a meal subscription that does my lunch and dinners otherwise I just wouldn’t eat because I just wouldn’t cook. I need to up my water intake.

I took my first tablet of Contrave this morning and ate a muesli bar with it. It tasted like the bar had sugar, unfortunately. She said it will make me nauseous but so far so good I’m not nauseated at all. Count my blessings. I’ll just have to watch my mood carefully considering it’s got Wellbutrin in it and I’m already on an antidepressant. But I’m sure she’s weighing up the pros and cons.

But seriously, I dun goofed. This AM the med nurse asked me why I didn't take my noon ritalin. I did...or so I thought. Nope. Took the Trazodone instead. I usually get a little languorous after the Ritalin, but yesterday I was straight up tired.

I signed up for an information session on the program I'm going to apply for. They sent me a list of what they take into consideration for admission... They're asking for things they're not really asking for, like "intro to algebra" is the pre-req but they're asking for "high school algebra" grades (is intro to algebra not 8th grade/middle school and high school not intermediate algebra?). I don't know. I have to dig for my report cards/GPA/grades and shyt and I'll just play stupid and say yes I passed algebra I and the next 8 math classes after it.

I do feel a little elevated today though, so I'm watching that.

@MuddyBoots Yeah, I took alegbra ! in 8th grade and albebra II in 10th. But I was in the advanced math group in my grade; most of the other students who went through high school with me did take algebra I in 9th. I know I definitely wouldn't be able to dig up middle school grades; I didn't keep my report cards from back then, and I doubt the school records would go back that far? Do schools keep records that far back for middle school especially when it goes into the early 1990s?

@victoria's mom Sorry about the apartment I hope you will get in for the psychosis clinic.

H & I went and did early voting. I was surprised there was a 30 min wait in the middle of the week and not the first or last day or early voting.

I'm having a dumb covid setback. I'm out of breath again and I'm coughing and I'm stuffed up and my blood pressure is 141/94. My mom thinks doing stuff for an hour today was just too much. I switched therapy to virtual tommorow. I'm just lying down now. At least my anxiety is ok because I haven't had any Dayquil.

My brother in law tore something in his shoulder this past weekend, and today is my nephews 11th birthday. My bil mom is there helping out. My brother in law is like me. When he gets sick or injured he is out of commission.

I spoke too soon. Feeling so nauseous from the weight loss medication but I’m determined I won’t throw up.

Just spent the last of my cash on a Frappuccino! It tasted good but it was a mocha which has caffeine I’m pretty sure. It’s only 4:45. But I also took a nap as I was up at 4. Gabapentin seems to do that: I wake up early and can’t get back to sleep.

I got a $144 pre-paid MasterCard from a class action settlement

Wow! What do you think you’ll spend it on?

So my mom's being awesome. We may have found a way to get my credit score up even though I'm disabled.

My clozaril level is elevated again. So I doubt I'll be increasing that. I have a feeling I'll be increasing my Seroquel which isn't my favorite idea. But something has to give.

Today hasn't been as bad. I am not feeling great from my flu shot so I'm less anxious and more tired.


I suppose that this all might be from my clozaril being too high. We'll see what my pdoc says.

Someone is running a power saw and the noise is making me want to scream.

I obviously don't know for sure, but I doubt middle school records from the early 90's would still be locatable. I'm not even sure if I'd be able to get my middle school records...it's middle school, who would care except for the guidance counselor assigning you freshman year of high school classes?!? High school transcripts will for sure be available though (unless they were kept in paper form and they burned in a fire before the school district started storing them digitally).

My algebra II was 10th grade too. There was a lot of variation on where people were level/grade wise. There was one girl in the year below me in my calc course (so a jr) but there were also seniors in algebra II or those that never took anything past geometry. Then there was this girl on my XC team from a charter school or something who already had college credits for calc I and II...SHE WAS THE FASTEST GIRL TOO like how do you run 15 miles and go home and integrate by parts?

So it's confirmed it was my credit that got us denied. The person working on our case is taking to her manager. My mom is trying things on her end. I called my card they don't report again till the 9th so that doesn't matter fast enough. It's just tiring hearing it's all my fault, I'm a **** up, why don't I just leave ( duh, the apartment is for me.), and everything else. I probably spent an hour crying, repeating it's not my fault just to be answered with yes it is from **** face that's her new name. I dub my annoying, stupid, rude... Hallucination **** face.

So, the lesson for the day is that I BETTER NOT hate the way I look and what I am because I am a product of my mom and dad, and they could have died today. I spent all day yesterday hating how I look not realizing that I am made from my mom and dad, and am not grateful enough for them.

Long story short, I drove them to Virginia this morning to pay my dad's speeding ticket, (he still can't see to drive from his recent eye surgery), and when we got back and they left my house, A HUGE TREE fell right in front of their car (literally 10 feet), knocking power out for my whole block. THERE WAS NO WIND, NO STORM, NO REASON for that huge tree to randomly FALL. If it would have been 5 more seconds, the tree would have flattened their car. I was so shaken up by what happened, I literally fell to my knees and humbly thanked GOD for sparing their lives. I would have been so devastated and so heartbroken; my life would have been turned upside down.

So yes, next time I catch myself saying that I hate myself, I have to remember I am a PRODUCT of my mom and dad, and I am so grateful that they are alive and close by and so active in my life.

Remember to count your blessings!!!

Holy carp, lady! You all had a close call!

I’m glad everyone is okay @LadyShadow. What a nerve racking experience …

I'm so anxious tonight. 😟 Just about my psychiatrist appointment on Monday and the upcoming election. It honestly makes me feel like I'm going to be sick.



I'm just not feeling good right now. Allergies have also been kicking my booty all day long, so physically I've felt like shyt.

I hope I actually sleep more than four hours tonight.

I worry about the same thing @raspberrytorte If the oompah loompa takes away SSDI I don't know what I will do. Especially since Med D apparently cut the good plans here and I'm going to have to pay a lot more for meds even with insurance. The last few years I've had really good plans and barely paid a thing aside from my premium. Not true anymore. I haven't even been able to go back in and search more specifically after I found out that my plan is gone and there is nothing like it without looking at details carefully.

I really hope that what I learned in high school is true and that the senior lobby is so powerful that nobody can cross them on things like social security and medicare. Of course that still leaves SSDI as a separate program. But I don't need to repeat what we all know already.

Me three that is worried about that. The orange one is scary and I’m not talking about any old pumpkin.

The first available therapy slot was for December 9th, then I got an email that there was a slot for dec 4th, so there’s where it’s been at for awhile now. Then today I received an offer for November 4th! So good news. Who knows if I stay patient maybe I’ll get an opening in October? Though I’m feeling better now that I get regular sleep. The 25 mg of seroquel has been working. Still feeling like isolating and having trouble connecting to people but putting a good face on it.

I have therapy at 11 and I have no idea what to say.

I have this weird anxiety migraine chills nausea side effect and it sucks right now. I don't remember covid being like this when I had in 2022. Probably got a different variant.

Ugh I'm trying everything to get rid of the anxiety. But I feel it in my nose and my lungs. So maybe its not legit anxiety. Idk

I’m still waiting for the dietician to ring me back. I rang at 8:45am and again at 10:00am. It’s now 2:45pm and nothing. I’m disappointed……

And finally I have an appointment with the dietitian on 7 November. Feels like forever away!

I am having awful dissociation this morning. Really struggling to keep myself in the present.

The pharmacy is being stupid about refilling my diazepam again and I don't know why because my last refill was on September 23rd. It's the 24th. There shouldn't be a problem! I'm a day late. I'm not early. I hate this. It's like this every month. Makes me so mad. 😡 I don't know why they can't just automatically refill it, like they do with all my other prescriptions. I hate being on a controlled substance. It's such a pain in the booty.