Bipolar Check-in #84

Went in for a 6 month lab update with my family doctor. Labs are great. I'm still on the edge of diabetes but the metformin I take for weight control is managing it if it needs managed. He didn't say anything about that so it's good.

I left with a diagnosis of bronchitis/possible pneumonia, a script for antibiotics and the hated "I'd give you steroids but I can't give you steroids".


Glad I had that appointment although I hated showing up sick to a wellness check. I have had a cough for a few days but it got a lot worse between yesterday and today so I couldn't cancel and I wasn't sure it was that bad until today. They had to get the doctor to agree to see me since I was wearing a mask. Oops. Maybe I should have called in but it's not COVID.


My mom posted a new picture on Facebook. I don't know if it is the angle or just a shot of reality but she suddenly looked her age to me in the photo. It really hit me that she's not young. She is so incredibly independent and active it's hard to remember. I hope the picture is off and I can return to my previously scheduled denial.

@Mountaindewed Only you know how you feel. If it were me I'd probably go in to be checked but if you waited a bit and things calmed down then it's just a judgment call.

Back from urgent care. I was dehydrated which I knew. They gave me 5 of those half bottles of water which is equal to a bag of IV fluids. So I could finally pee and give a urine sample. The portal said all tests were normal and continue to hydrate yourself. I got dehydrated because I was taking Mirilax every day per my primary’s recommendation for constipation from psych meds. The problem was I didn’t think to stop taking it when I had several days of diarrhea.i was just taking it every day per my primary’s instructions. Just took my new muscle relaxer for my back and gabapentin. This new muscle relaxer shouldn’t cause sedation so it’s fine to take with gabapentin.

I’ve got a follow up to this urgent care visit coming up one of these days soon. Monday is my pelvic ultrasound to check on my ovarian cyst. I’m thinking it was normal as my period started 10 days later. A little short for a luteal phase but that’s probably normal for perimenopause.

I had some pedialyte to help with the electrolytes and some Dramamine for the dizziness

Seems to have calmed down at least a bit. I was on the verge of going to the ER cause my heart was pounding and I was very dizzy like room spinning. The dizziness has calmed down some and the heart pounding stopped. Part of the heart pounding thing cause as soon as I felt like the room was spinning I started having a panic attack on top of it because I was afraid I was dying.

I had one other episode of dizziness like this severe a few months ago. I felt like the entire room was spinning around quite literally. I managed to go to sleep that time and I woke up feeling better and didn’t experience it again till this evening. It’s highly uncomfortable and scary so I would like it to not happen again. I’d also like to know wtf it actually is and what causes it. I know my meds cause dizziness but they never have for me and I’ve been on them a long time. This is like sudden vertigo

My dog has perked up!

@Blue_Bird vertigo is the worst. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

Work is weird right now because of how things have blown up/the situation I mentioned yesterday that my boss didn't handle well. There is a lot of tension between certain people too. Eventually, things will probably even out a bit, but my guess is that will take some time. It sounds like I'm not the only one thinking of getting a new job though-there could be a few of us who don't come back.

I had a nice evening at home. I went on a walk, watched a tv show, and did a little reading. Now, it's already almost time for bed.

That's great!!

Oh, and for what it's worth, my SAD lamp is helping. My depression is better yesterday and today after I think I found the sweet spot for the intensity. I'm not all better by any means and combined with being sick I may not get out of bed tomorrow but something is improving I think.

I don't use the SAD lamp even every year but I recommend having one if you are at all prone to seasonal depressions. I suspect I'll be using mine until March or April now.

I’ve always wanted to get a SAD Lamp but I’ve just never gotten around to doing it then every winter I kick myself in the shin for not getting one!

I just got my teaching allotment for next year. I don’t understand. They’ve given me Year 9…..they’re this year’s Year 8s. The Year 8s are what caused me to have a breakdown and I’ve got them again next year. I’m thinking of emailing them principal.

T wants me to eat regularly, sleep and make a routine with my hobbies where I'm up at a certain time and sleeping at a certain time. I've given up . I'm missing taking my meds 2 days a week. My hair needs to be cut but I'm too self conscious to go out side. I have pdoc Monday h thinks they're going to hospitalize me. But the truth is it's not just me. There's no clean dishes, no clean clothes, the house needs work. I bought paper plates and silverware but it doesn't help if there's no pots and pans cleaned so still can't use the kitchen. Winter is coming where I don't go outside we have to fill out assistance again and that keeps being pushed back. I want to say **** it and watch everything burn. I'm pretty much mute again. I spent all our money again so I don't know if I have the $4 for the bus Monday.. my therapist has me going 2x a week. She said she'll address food next meeting. I know I can't wallow. I'm supposed to put the paperwork in for the CPA but I don't Care. I've talked about a payee but h doesn't want that. I just want to simplify everything. We're all in our own little bubble.how do I get out and start caring.

Now I have back pain again. At least I’m rehydrated! I was feeling lightheaded and like my ears were closing up. I thought I might faint! I told this to the dr and she did look in my ears- I said I felt like they were closing up - (like when you’re about to faint!) and mouth but they thought my blood sugar was low so they fed me crackers. Well my mouth was very dry and I could barely eat those crackers. The dr said hours later after the triage nurse diagnosed dehydration that I didn’t mention the several days of diarrhea. Which wasn’t on my mind because I felt so faint. It was the miralax and days of diarrhea that caused all my symptoms. I didn’t mention the diarrhea because I was so concerned about maybe fainting with how I felt. Right now my back hurts. I should try a lidocaine patch and see if that helps. You can only use one patch on one side of your back for 12 hours!

Several of my psych meds have zero refills and my Pdoc won’t be back until the 25th. I pick up my blister packs tomorrow but the pharmacist got a refill on Vraylar because I asked my case manager to get another prescriber to write a new script.

I thought I wrote a post, guess not. I shaved this morning! My leg fur was long enough that I was tripping on it, and I was eating my pits' with my ramen

Off to search the kitchen for a couple hours trying to figure out what to shove in my stomach probably to settle on a fruit cup or something...

The vertigo episode or whatever it was stopped. I managed to get a couple hours of sleep. I feel better now.

I have a therapy appointment in a couple hours. I’m probably not gonna do EMDR today because I’m tired from only sleeping for 4 hours and I don’t want to risk triggering the vertigo so soon after it went away (you have to move your eyes back and forth fast during EMDR following the therapists hand movements) so I’m just gonna see if we can just do talk therapy for today. I know she was probably informed by my psychiatrist about the weed use so that’s something to talk about too, though that’s a non issue now because I’m not gonna use it anymore. And my cat mocha dying two weeks ago.

I have pedialyte leftover in my fridge from last night. Will use it on and off to make sure I stay hydrated and have good electrolytes.

I'll call my doctor today. The last time I took my blood pressure which was a few minutes ago it was 139/103 and I feel pretty lethargic despite sleeping decently. My heartburn is still pretty bad and I can't eat much of anything and I can only drink water.