Bipolar Check-in #84

We’re going to a school carnival this morning. It’s my fiancé’s old primary school. Then we’re going to go do grocery shopping. Then we’re going to visit my partner’s dad in hospital. Afterwards we’ll go visit my partner’s mother at her place.

I’m sorry crazy hitch.

Moose that sounds so hard. I hope the lowered dose works.

Raspberrie your med choices sound limited too. I hope there a solution.

Watercolor is hard. Ehh my stuff was so so. I’ll do much better next week when it’s mixed media. Already have a fledgling idea for my work.

Seems more like a stomach bug tbh. I took a couple dramamine.

I got most of my room cleaned. My closet organized. My laundry done. All I have to do is put away one load. I watched non news TV and listened to music.

I took my blood pressure for the first time since yesterday morning and its 153/100. No one really seems worried though. So idk. The nurse on the phone was just like "take it once a day not all the time."

And they rescheduled my CT scan to an ultrasound the Wednesday before thanksgiving.

All the political news stories especially were causing me more anxiety & panic every time I read or heard them, and I finally just decided ENOUGH!

I have not read or watched the news all week! I have to say it has helped quite a bit. I do feel somewhat uninformed about the world but not having that anxiety creep up with every headline I read is a bit of a relief. I've only gone to the weather site all week and that's it.

I do feel like something of a bad citizen for choosing to not know what's going on, but whether I know or not, it's politics, and it's going to keep happening whether I am up to date on current events or not.

I don't know if I will manage another week unplugged from news, but I'm going to try.

I tried being unplugged but I couldn’t do it. I watch late night talk shows and they do highlights of what’s happening and I read online from NPR. But that’s it. No tv news. I’ve taken to watching the late night shows with the sound off and captions on. Seems more manageable that way. I feel bad too I can’t do more than that but I can’t. So don’t feel bad blueberry, I think a lot of people have unplugged.

I had gabapentin 100s last month in my blister packs. I called my Pdoc after hours line to see if they could call me in some 100s as I’m almost out and my new blister packs don’t have it in them because the pharmacist knew I had the 300s from walgreens. Walgreens says the insurance said the 100s were already filled at another pharmacy and can’t be filled again till the end of the month. I only have 4 100s left. I don’t know if my regular pharmacist ran them through the insurance by mistake? Or if the insurance is thinking of the 300s that just got filled Sunday? All I know is I don’t want to go through withdrawals and I’m not taking those 300s again! I just texted my main pharmacy. They’ll see it Monday morning.

I stopped watching the news and avoid any news articles and stuff, I started doing that several years ago when I was stressed to the point of breakdown over the Covid pandemic and all the news. And my mental health is better for it cause I’m not stressed out 24/7 about things I literally can not control. I avoid any news headlines and stuff with like such idk what the word is but I’m really serious about it. For awhile I felt bad like I was not being a good citizen but I’m informed enough to vote and that’s all I really have control over so other than that I avoid news/news articles like the plague. I’m just not the type of person whose anxiety and paranoia can handle all the horrible news. Most people can’t. And I spiral into panic anytime I would be watching it so I made the executive decision to cut it out of my life for my peace of mind. I can’t control 99% of it, I did my part in voting. I’m not gonna choose to sit and watch a screen that does literally nothing but make me stressed and or angry.

I practiced ukulele for about an hour this evening. It really helped my anxiety. I was feeling very anxious and panicky. But playing ukulele for an hour completely got rid of those feeling.

I feel like creative stuff is where it’s at for me for relieving stress and anxiety. And exercise. Meditation helps too but when I’m really on edge the best things are either exercise or art (drawing, painting) or practicing one of my instruments (ukulele, keyboard, violin) and really throwing myself into that

I’ve been taking my prn benzo nearly daily as I’m really struggling. lately.

My hope is Celexa will help and quick as my coping skills aren’t fully helping right now.

Two weeks is all I have left and I’m sick nearly every day from the anxiety

Great job on the exercise! And it’s always nice getting fresh air, especially cold air. It’s very refreshing and clears your mind. I’m struggling with overeating as well but working on it as well. I wish you luck with it!

I need to start adding strength training. Right now I do a lot of walking cause I don’t have a car and I use the treadmill and do 15 minutes of stress relief yoga every day. I have a set of 8lb weights and some different resistance bands so I should start using those too. Building strength is important and it’s good to alternate for muscle recovery

I was flying high for awhile today. It's possible it was triggered by the coffee I had, the last few days being very good ones, the fact that my mom has been a pain and I am seeing her soon, and/or starting to take the pills with hormones after a few days of the placebo pills. With the last birth control pills I had, going from the placebos to the pills with hormones triggered major depression so I have been waiting to see if anything will be triggered by this med. I made myself do a whole lot of nothing (just some reading and watching tv) and I feel less hypomanicy so, hopefully, things are evening out.

Today was a full day-eye doctor, coffee with a friend I haven't seen in awhile, a walk in perfect weather, and grocery shopping. My eye doctor is referring me to a specialist because of some specs he saw on an image of my eye combined with me being at high risk for retinal detachment because my eyesight is SUPER bad. I also need new glasses, but that's no surprise to me. I usually do.

It was a nice day so my dog and i enjoyed the dog park. I'm cautiously trying to diet. I'll put details in the other thread so they don't bother those here who are sensitive. I exercised again today. Thanks for the support @Blue_Bird. I'm really feeling sore now that it's the fifth day in a row. I haven't done this well with exercise in many years. Keeping it simple and starting small helps.

Hugs to all who struggle!

I don't watch the news or read news articles. Perfectly happy in my little bubble here. Things I learn are from my husband and my husband's mom. Otherwise I just know things are going to shyt. I don't need to know specific details. I voted. Not much more I can do.

Son of a *beep*. I got my stupid period today, and I also got my toy in the mail. Now I can't properly try it out for at least four days!!! Fudge man. That's okay though I guess. I'm kind of scared to try it. 😱 I'm worried it'll just work me up, but not actually give me an O. That would be AWFUL. Then I'd have to make an appointment to see my primary. Ugh. I hate seeing her. She treats me like I'm a psycho and doesn't know what the fudge she's doing. Hopefully my psychiatrist will have some solutions on Wednesday. I'm going to talk to my therapist and see if she'd be able to take me to my GP appointment... I think she would. I'm going to ask her on Wednesday.

Anyway. Today was boring. Lots of cleaning. Put off laundry again so I'm going to have to do it tomorrow. Making my daughter help me, much to her dismay. HAHAHAHA. 😈 Got a head start on the December issue of the ezine. Just have two poetry submissions left to format. Wanted to get a head start this month because last month I waited until the last minute and it was AWFUL. And this is another bloated issue.

No. I'm not getting paid to do this. Lol.

So I'm not doing the best. See my new pdoc Monday. I have to do my hair tomorrow. Clothes need to be washed. Food sucks.

@Nammu

Thanks. I hope there is too. PLEASE be a solution!!! I'm going to get on my hands and knees and literally BEG my psychiatrist for a solution that isn't cymbalta, effexor, or fudging wellbutrin!!!!


Been up since 3AM. Normal four hours of sleep for me. Just laying in bed. Our bedroom is particularly toasty warm and nice and dark right now. Most pleasant. And I'm listening to Sleep Token. 🫠 Makes everything that much more better. I'm wide awake, but don't really feel like doing anything. Already wrote in my journal. Exercised. Took a shower. Had breakfast. Did the dishes.

Plans for today are hanging out with my daughter (she doesn't want to go to my husband's mom's house until 3:30), laundry, typical cleaning, ezine stuff, walking to store with Daughter so she can get a treat, HOPEFULLY getting some writing done... one can hope.

My therapist recommended that I figure out what I want to say in my novel. I'm going to figure that out. Gives me a place to start anyway.

Good morning. I got up and finished my audiobook biography of Leonardo Davinci by Walter Isaacson. Then I did yoga, squats with resistance bands, and weights. I took a 30 minute walk outside. A little chilly but very bright and sunny. Saw two different people walking little tiny dogs, one was wearing a sweater. So cute. It was nice to get out and clear my mind some. Journaled a bit.

I’m gonna get on the treadmill later for 30 minutes at an incline of 7. Then my exercise for the day will be done. And practice violin. Will do some art too. It’s only 9am at the moment. Still need to meditate later. And shower at some point. That’s basically the plans for the day, and intersperse time for reading throughout the day.

I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride my bike! I want to ride my bicycle; I want to ride it where I like

@MuddyBoots -Sorry you're struggling so much Have you let your team know your meds are not working for you? Because they sound like they definitely are not working.

@Blue_Bird - That is a LOT of exercise! Careful you don't overdo it. I got in BIG trouble that way at times. I am always amazed at how much you do in a day.

@raspberrytorte - You are busy too. Makes me feel guilty about how little I do in a day

Sorry I can't respond to everyone here. Just a bit much for me at the moment. HUGS to all in need.

I'm doing OK I suppose. Mood mostly good. Did pilates this morning, showered, had breakfast. I decided to do grocery curbside pickup instead of delivery this week because I realized it saves around $15 an order. But wouldn't you know, the one day and time I do curbside pickup, it's pouring rain! But I got the groceries in and picked up nevertheless.

trigger warning SH thoughts:


Trying to battle PMS and hoping I get up the motivation to vacuum today, but I also don't want to traumatize our newest rescued stray cat, Sugarberry, with the noise of the vacuum.

It’s nearly 1pm and I’m just now getting gaming as anxiety has had me
Paralyzed all morning.

I can’t do this anymore

Monday morning. What am I going to do today? Probably go to Kmart to pick up a swimming pool for my son’s birthday. He really wants an outdoor pool. At his swimming lessons the pools are heated I’m not sure if he gets regular pools are ice cold lol. It will go well in our yard though!

@Blueberrybook yeah you’re right. I ended up cutting out the 30 minutes on the treadmill for today. I took a 3 hour nap which was nice cause I only slept 6 hours last night

My primary doctor is concerned that Vraylar and gabapentin combined are not a good combination- giving me liver issues- and the dizziness dry mouth, nausea, weight gain, high liver enzymes.
My liver doctor said if my liver enzymes continue to be this high it will cause scarring.

Been doing my typical Sunday, lazing around in my pjs and reading and watching tv. The Vikings are ahead but only by 13 pts at halftime, it’s anybody’s game.

I have a potluck at 5 and I’m bringing spinach popovers. So at 3:45 got to start the oven so it’s ready. Also need to call around and ask to borrow cookie sheets. I got rid of mine and didn’t know I was cooking anymore. I had no clue I was going to be so involved with the building activity. Yay, me!

Got my meds all sorted for the week. Took a shower just now so I’m spiffy for the potluck. This one is my birthday celebration. Linda and another lady all have our birthdays this month. Linda and I are the same day, which unfortunately fall on thanksgiving this year. Growing up it was always uncomfortable to have my birthday on thanksgiving as we always got together with relatives and everyone made a big production of it. I didn’t like being the center of attention.

I finally vacuumed! And I cleaned the kitchen and both bathrooms! Ugh, I HATE cleaning SO much, but I'm glad it's done!

Now, I can read without intrusive thoughts about how much I should be cleaning. I have a new mystery to start, and it's overcast with a chance of rain, perfect weather for a mystery. If only it were not 80F outside so I could snuggle up with a hot drink while reading as well!

Been a low key day. The sun is already outta here. Been working on my calendar. I did this really cool thing in photoshop but then the stupid computer said "nope, I don't support this" and ended that. Didn't save, so, yeah. Nice. Maybe tomorrow I'll remember what I did. Almost dinner and I hate ittttttttt