Bipolar Check-in #85

I’m dizzy so I’m laying down. I think I got overheated from having both the heat and the oven on and walking around the apartment doing stuff. The ovens off now though and I turned off the heat. I’m just laying down now trying to get my equilibrium back.

Thank you that means a lot to me

I made lemon bars

Rewatching an anime I love called Black Clover. I love anime so much.

Anyway, I drew for a bit. Crappy drawings but trying to do something artistic everyday whether that’s coloring, drawing or painting. Today I colored two pages in my adult coloring book which was relaxing and I drew a palm tree in my sketch book.

I haven’t practiced violin today. Yet. There’s still time. It’s only 5:30pm. So I’m gonna practice soon. Probably around 6pm. I just need a few minutes to cool off. I ‘m procrastinating a bit but I need to do it so I’m going to. I’m working on the B flat major scale at the moment and learning a Celtic song called The Harvest Home.

I have my lesson on the 22nd. Starting in January I’m increasing my lessons from 1 or 2 times a month up to 4 times a month every month.

My latest manicure this morning. Whilst far from perfect I can’t stop staring at the colour

I love lemon bars

I didn't draw today, just was kind of stressed about everything. Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday; she is turning 17. I can't believe how slow and how fast time can go. Things are a lot easier now with her older. I had a hard time with the baby and toddler & pre-school years. Then there was a patch of a lot of DRAMA in the early teens, which was definitely trying. But now she's pretty settled down for a teenager. H & I still have to wrap her gifts though!

Need to start dinner. Sigh. I hate cooking.

Love your manicure @Crazy Hitch

The allergist sent me a copy of my allergy arm prick test from two months ago. Everything was negative for anaphylaxis! They tested a ton of seafood, several kinds of fish etc! So I may still have an oral aversion to these foods- tingling in my mouth- if I'm brave enough I may try one! Noah's theory is I have a dry mouth from my meds so that's why I react to vinegar and seafood. All foods I haven't eaten in 20 years because I thought I was allergic!

Still going to meet with the allergist about the blue food dye\purple Gatorade in February and thus far I have only restarted the Vraylar and I'm waiting to restart the Gabapentin until my psych nurse practitioner says it's ok on the 23rd. Didn't sleep well last night. Tried to nap but the phone rang and woke me up. But if the Gabapentin is ok this means I don't have to do electroconvulsive therapy!

All good news!

I practiced violin for 30 minutes

How do I deal with my mom always assuming the negative about me? It’s constant!

You have a beautiful C-curve!

Not my best day. I ate junk and laid around. I ordered groceries, but it did not go well. I couldn't tolerate any of my activities. Feeling a lot of embarrassment, guilt, shame, and self-hatred.



@Crazy Hitch:

I'm not a fan of fancy nails myself, but yours look really good, even to me!

Pissed off, agitated, even my husband told me he didn't know what I should say when I call my GP so I'm going to be a snot and text my therapist on Monday and ask her what exactly I'm supposed to say. I mean, what the FUDGE is this appointment for anyway?! There's nothing wrong with my damn hormones. This is a MED issue that will be resolved when I see my psychiatrist on January 13th. In the mean time I'm cutting my sertraline dose in half. I think I should be fine since I'm already on 100mg of wellbutrin. I started doing it today. If I don't start constantly crying in the next few days we'll know I'll be fine!

In the meantime I'm going to bed. Fudge this shyt. If I wake up at 2AM again (it would be the third night in a row) I'm going to freak out!

Good morning, slept okay. Not great but not horrible. I woke up at 4am. Just gonna have a nice chill weekend, play videogames, practice violin.

Waiting for the nurse to call me back from pnurse’s office. Benedryl puts me to sleep but I wake up 3 hours later and no more sleep. Been two days and my body aches. It’s still two weeks until I see pnurse. Waiting for the nurse to talk with the Pdoc on call and call me back.

I guess that’s a question for my therapist!

I took a much needed nap after I took my morning meds. I woke myself up because I was crying like actual tears in my sleep, I was having dreams about my mom and thinking about how much I miss her.

I discovered something cool, I can remote play my Xbox games on my tablet. So that should tide me over till I can afford a new controller and can play it on my tv again.

Time to take out the trash then make some coffee and play a game

My anxiety was bad last night and this morning. But its under control now. I did 100 push ups with my ab roller and I ate some legit stuff for breakfast. I slept decently. Right now I'm pretty content.

I'm trying not to stress about the job situation. I'm at least trying to find one which is good. I haven't heard back from the other 2 places.

colonoscopy was normal no crohns or colitis. but my upper was abnomal. lots of inflammation and he said it was concerning. hes checking biopsies for celiacs and colitis

I slept pretty well but my sleep would have been a lot better if my cat Pecan had not spent half the night jumping and lying all over me. It's a bit of a shock to wake up to a 15 lb. cat hurling herself onto your stomach and chest and then just when you get back to sleep, she does it again. Been stressed and manicky feeling most of today. I need to take my extra 50 mg Seroquel, maybe the prn hydroxyzine too to calm down.

It's my daughter's 17th birthday today, so I went to get her donuts for breakfast. Then, I had to wrap her gifts. We legit had a ton of spending this month - $5000 for the sewage/plumbing fix, $1500 for a new refrigerator, nearly $500 in vet costs, and $500 for my crown for my tooth, then Christmas gifts and birthday gifts for my daughter, so I went to a local food bank drive thru distribution. I don't like to use them, but on occasion, it really helps because groceries cost a ton. I was able to get potatoes, bananas, pears, apples, lemons & limes, yams, chicken drumsticks, a gallon of skim milk, rice, beans, mac & cheese, tomato sauce, tuna, rolls, raisins, dried cranberries. Not sure what exactly I'll do with the cranberries; I'll have to find some recipes online.

Still need to use the SAD lamp, hope it's not too late in the day. Not sure what else we'll be doing today, just hope my daughter has a good birthday and I can calm down a little.

@Blueberrybook cranberries go good with chicken salad! Just saying...

@HALLIEBETH87 Glad everything's normal

Does anyone know if there's still an accountability thread (for anything--I'm looking to use something along those lines for music, doing this nh workforce thing, and reading)? I dont remember if that was on MSF/psych central or not. I'd start one, but not sure if I'm remembering something like that already exists.

Cleaned up a bunch today. Things were getting wild. Wanna go hiking next week. Slept on the floor last night and it was the best sleep I've had in a while.

The other 2 job applications are still open. I just looked. Today has been boring but its been fine anxiety wise. I've just been listening to music this last hour.

I thought Fedex was pretty fast during the holidays but I ordered something from Puma on the 6th of December and it started off in California and now its only in New Mexico. Something I got from Kohls has also been stuck in UPS for a week or so.

Kinda gross but I have this really painful toenail I haven't even really looked at because theres like 10 things I'd rather do then go to the doctors for something.

I thought I was just bored and anxious. I guess I wasn't feeling good.


Idk if its a bug of some sort. I don't get sick like that anymore.

Dissociating

So sorry. Does anything help you? I know for me, the less I can focus on the dissociation, the better, the less panicky I get about it.

I took 100mg of Geodon at 11 last night. Then 80mg this morning at 6. So I guess I wait until like midnight to take another dose. Or later. Idk. I need to be careful with my valium too.