Bipolar Check-in #85

N3 says he’s feeling better. Guess it isn’t the flu.

I made it to the grocery store. I yakked In an empty Sonic cup a bunch of times. My mom hacked the whole time. She won't get cough syrup. Now I'm in bed lying down and I just feel low in energy physically. Mental health wise I think I'm ok.

My blood pressure is 138/98. I know I need to see my primary for my annual visit. I have a lot of stuff I need to do but nothing that can be done on a sunday especially the last sunday of the year when people are on vacation.

I haven't had much of any caffeine today tbh. Just a diet dr. Pepper.

I didn't even know where the mental health hospital was until like 2 years after I moved. But every doctors building and hospital and day surgery in the area.....

I will be healthy in 2025 no matter what. I plan on applying to the hardware store. My therapist said they are good to work for. Theres also an opening as a stocker at a grocery store.

The 3 jobs I applied to a few weeks ago wouldnt even give me an interview. One didn't even bother sending an email at all that it was a no.

Hello all. I slept good. Woke up at 4am and my friend called and we talked for a bit. He works night shifts so he’s up at odd times. Then after that I fell back to sleep till around 11am. I feel really sluggish today. I don’t feel like doing anything.

I got the dates for January that I’m volunteering at the cat rescue. Thursday Jan 2nd, Sunday Jan 5th, and Thursday January 9th.

Finally took an extra ambien and a gabby. And went to sleep at 4 am woke up eight hours later at 1pm! Boy this really puts a kink into my routine.

I also am in pain anytime I stretch, ouch

Well I gotta go take my morning pills. Weird so weird that it’s 1:30 already.

I am still very anxious even though the dreaded family/extended family Christmas is behind. It went okay yesterday. They had gifts only for the kids (my daughter's cousins). The adults had a stupid white elephant thing, and I ended up with this stupid mini LED lamp that randomly turns itself on all the time (when it is not supposed to; there is an on/off switch). Those batteries will be dead in a day. Oh, and a travel first aid kit. I guess how often I injure myself, I should put that thing in my car or my purse (not much room in the purse though).

Still having high anxiety despite taking the 2 25 mg Seroquel. I guess I can try the prn hydroxyzine, but it just makes me feel sleepy and doesn't really do much for anxiety. Maybe I can take an extra 25 mg Seroquel? After all, the pdoc initially wanted to increase the Seroquel by 100 mg but I talked him down to 50 mg.

I'm a bit irritable and having some problems with overspending. I need to get control over that. Maybe a tad hypo, God knows, but it's been a very hard month for me. I always stress from mid-November to New Year's Day.

I did sketch some today which I've started a sketch thread in the creative arts section should anyone care to look. That helped a bit with the anxiety, but it's getting worse again. Had lunch, watched an episode of Call the Midwife on Hoopla which is a library app you can run off your smart TV. My county library doesn't belong to it, but the library in the next town over does, and I have a library card from them. All you need is a library card an a PIN and you can check out videos from a pretty good selection. My local county library has an app that lets you do similarly but you can only watch the video on a smartphone or tablet.

My library has hoopla too and also Libby

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my dad’s death. My sister is going to go to the marina where we took the boat out last June to dump his ashes 3 miles out to sea like he wanted. She’s going to FaceTime me. Unsure what time.

I went to Whole Foods and bought snacks for New Year’s Eve and non alcoholic root beer in glass bottles for those of us who don’t drink.

N3 is going out for hibachi that night so I don’t think he’ll be there.

I just put hoopla on my iPad a few days ago! It’s great.

Omg I am so sick. I have a sore throat and have been taking dayquil. At 3:30 my husband's mom is coming to pick my daughter up (her choice. She wanted to go over there, though she said now she doesn't want to anymore). Once she's gone I'm totally crashing. Despite feeling like I'm dying I got all my chores done, so I'm happy about that. I also got a shower in. Now I just need to finish typing in my journal and get some novel planning done. Oh, and finish catching up on ezine submissions.

Tomorrow the January issue is going up. As I do every month I'm panicking, but trying not to. We're also having a family day tomorrow, as long as my husband doesn't have to go into work... If he does again both my daughter and I are going to freak out!

I absolutely love being married. ❤️ My husband and I are soul mates and best friends, and our daughter is quirky and creative like us. And we have the two best black cats in the world! My husband and daughter are great. I wouldn't want to live alone. I'd be lonely. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my husband.

This is random, but does anyone know what happened to @bizi?

Now I still have an upset stomach plus anxiety now.

Idk what the cause of all this is. I know I haven't been eating much lately. But then whats the cause of that....

I haven't had much caffeine so it could possibly be lack of caffeine causing the anxiety today. Who knows.

tomorrow at 1 pm.

I've been laying down frozen in fear today. I don't know when we're moving. My parents and nephew and niece are coming on the 2nd. My package never got to their house so they can't bring it here. So all my packing stuff is missing and I can't report it until Monday.

What would a hospital do if you just showed up because of really bad anxiety and a stomach ache from 6 tums?
I sent my therapist a dumb loopy email.
I want to rip out my intestines
Is this how sepsis starts?
I took tylenol and it didnt work
Yeah. Jimmy Carter died. He was 100. Now we'll hear about it for the next 2 weeks. Why do they have to say "dead at"
Jeeze fuk shyt my stomach hurts.
I don't want another scope done or anything. I said 2025 was gonna be my comeback year. Not a repeat of 2024.

Oy! I couldn’t stay awake so I went back to bed, slept with vivid dreams until 5:30! Dark out now! Wow it’s been a long while since I did something like that. Gosh, am I ever going to get back to sleep? Still need to do my pill box and take a shower.

Ugh, today is just so SHYT. Sigh-high anxiety, throw in a little panic too, why not dissociate also? I finally laid down and took a 1.5 hr. nap. I thought I was feeling better after my nap and went to the grocery store because I forgot to order bananas and the delivery store tortilla chips were way overcooked. These are white corn chips that looked TAN. So I got that refunded, got home and my daughter's like, "Daddy and I are out of salt in the bathroom. Completely." SHYT! H does this Neti pot sinus irrigation thing and insists he only use unidiodized salt, and my daughter uses the same salt in the bathroom to rinse her mouth with salt after her dental routine (per the dentist request). H wasn't home, so poor daughter, I lit into her. I was like, "WHY do you think I keep this notepad up here (which everyone knows is for adding groceries to the list). Do you think I just amuse myself by doodling names of groceries on it or WHAT?!" Poor daughter. Then, I was like, ugh, I have to go back to the store for the uniodized salt; H worked outside this afternoon. His allergies are awful, and apparently this nasal irrigation helps him and I hear about it when he doesn't have salt or distilled water for it.

Took out trash and there was a mountain of boxes left over for Christmas, falling out over the place which didn't improve my mood.

I swear this had better be PMS. I feel like I am going out of my MIND!

H will be home soon but I've need to pull things together. Luckily, I have leftovers of a turkey mexican cheese soup we can have for dinner, so at least I don't have cooking. I really have to be strong now because H's errands include picking up the cremains of our poor cat Sugarberry We'll bury them tomorrow, I think. Sugarberry's death broke us all up though I was more stoic than my daughter (meds sometimes make it hard for me to cry even at appropriate times like death of a pet), and poor H took it hardest of all. So they are both going to need me to be not snapping at everything and falling appart.

Tylenol is not working and I'm out of options for the night!

@mountaindewed You really need to watch it with the Tums and such long term. Overdoing the daily recommended dosage can lead to things like kidney stones. I also don't understand how you take so much valium if you mom has your med box. Even if the valium is prn, put the max prn in a 2nd pill box and let your mom have it too. I'm not sure what your valium dosage is but she should control that with all the meds. Does your GI think taking all these OTC stomach meds in such quantity daily is OK?

My impression was that OTC meds are there to help us occasionally but not on a daily basis unless a doctor prescribes them that way.

Had a good day. Managed to take a shower and practice violin. You all reminded me of hoopla
, I forget sometimes that I have it on my tablet and phone, so I’m listening to an audiobook series on there now

Poor Sugarberry, may he rest in peace hugs to you Blueberry. I’m sorry you had such a rough day

Nammu I hope you get some sleep soon

MD, that’s a lot of meds. Definitely be careful, if you’re feeling really bad might be best to go to the hospital, better be safe than sorry

Raspberry I hope you feel better soon and that’s awesome about you and your husband, I’d love to have a relationship like that someday though idk if it’s too late as I’m 30 and I’m not actively looking for anyone. I just got out of a year and a half long relationship I ended and now we’re just really good friends, which works better for me.

I have my entire med box for the week. My mom has the bottles and fills up the box each Saturday evening. So I'll have to take 2 less valium sometime next week so I don't get into trouble.

My primary doctor asked my mom whos a patient of his too how I was doing and she said I wanted to know what will happen if you take too many antacids. And my doctor just halfway laughed...

I did just refill my zofran. That works better then tums

Going to the food pantry tomorrow morning. Then after that there’s a coffee event in my apartment building so I’m going to that. And practicing violin later in the day.

Tuesday I’m basically doing whatever I want. Probably gonna stay up till midnight for new years and play videogames/watch shows.
Wednesday just mostly whatever I want
Thursday I have a therapy appointment in the morning then my volunteer shift from 6pm to 8pm
Friday is my grocery shopping day
Saturday I’m gonna start working on recording bach’s minuet in G on my violin on video for Facebook. Hope to have it posted by Sunday.
Then Sunday I have another volunteer shift for
12pm to 2pm.

No joke. I'm seriously thinking I need the ER for this pain. I think I have an ulcer or something. Maybe a kidney stone? The pain is in the left side of my stomach. I can kinda feel it heading towards my back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed No joke. I'm seriously thinking I need the ER for this pain. I think I have an ulcer or something. Maybe a kidney stone? The pain is in the left side of my stomach. I can kinda feel it heading towards my back.

If you've been in that kind of pain all day, it sounds like it is time to go to the ER.

@Mountaindewed

You took five diazepams with all those other OTC meds? What mg are the diazepams? I agree with Blueberrybook. I think it's time to go to the ER.

My euphoric energy, restlessness, struggle to focus, and hypersexuality are back tonight. I plan on messaging my pdoc tomorrow. If I don't get much sleep tonight, I'll email him because he's told me he'll see that quicker. But, if I manage to sleep I don't feel like it's as urgent for him to see my message so I'll just message him in the portal.

I went to Mass and the dog shelter today. One of the dogs I spent time with had the best smile. He would run around and then, when he wanted to be pet, come running towards me sitting on the couch and body slam me (since he's little, it was cute). He'd lean all of his body weight on to me while I pet him and liked to give kisses.

No walk today. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll try to get one in tomorrow. I did read a little bit though.