At Dunkin Early

Anybody know how to meditate? I was told by fwb to do this.

There are probably videos on YouTube you could try. Maybe search for beginning mediation?

I found a YouTube video of someone reading weird versions of fairy tales with a really soft voice. Put me to sleep!

Got up today and got my sample to the lab. Got my prescriptions for the month. They do include Vraylar this time. Went to the grocery store. Talked with Caleb for a while. Ate beer battered fish for lunch once I got home. Hoping my coffee buddy will get up soon and decide to go to Starbucks with me this afternoon. Only saw him for 15 minutes yesterday. Saw my case manager for a few minutes. I thought maybe I forgot to do some important paperwork but she said we already did it! She said it might take a few more weeks for the Vraylar to kick in. Famous last words, as my mother would say! N3 has a big exam today that he said was a lot to study for. At least he gets a bit nervous about exams and hasn't taken the attitude of "Of course I'll ace this exam. I always do."! I was invited by one of the sopranos to join a small group of church choir members for one of the extra Holy Week services. Will find out when it is and when they rehearse. N3 will be there. As the Choral Scholar he's obligated to attend every rehearsal and every service. I like singing next to N3. He is a good musician and has a pleasant voice. I don't know if my new seating assignment is permanent as it's where my ex/N3’s dad usually sits and he has been out yesterday and last Thursday. I'm liking being a second alto. It's all in my comfortable range. Even most of the hymns have soprano melodies that are comfortable to sing. I was singing hymns with N3 in the congregation which were comfortable to sing before I rejoined choir. That's when I said to myself "if I can sing hymns, I bet I can sing alto in the choir!" And now that I've been singing consistently, it's even better. We warmed up to a high B-flat yesterday and I only dropped out at the B-flat- made it to A! The altos will never have to sing up there - and the hymns certainly never go that high!- but it's good to know that I can! Sorry, this is one long paragraph. I've never known quite how to chop my writing up. I'm less fidgety today. Maybe part of that is sleeping a good amount last night.

Well, it's 3ish. Coffee buddy isn't replying to my text. He can be such an enigma what with his "erratic sleep schedules" as he puts it. But he's usually up by now. He will sometimes reply "SB bound" so I know to meet him at Starbucks. Guess I can do more housekeeping in the meantime.

I’m trying hard to keep it together but I can feel all my friends pulling away. Even the one of 20 years who is a therapist and who used to research psych meds! I had hoped he’d understand but apparently not. My case manager just says to wait for the Vraylar to kick in but yet I still feel manic in the mean time. Then there’s my friend who will talk on the phone with me for hours but won’t come see me in person like he used to. Then there’s my only people who seem to tolerate me like this are N3 and the church choir members. I’m spinning my wheels. Trying hard to be productive. Cleaning my apartment from the month+ of neglect a little every day.

My psych np put 1 mg clonazepam in my scripts for this month! Ahh sweet sleep! Probably more to help akathisia but it will help with sleep too

Discovered this morning that she included 1 mg of klonopin in my morning meds too.. I hope it knocks out the akathisia and restlessness and mania.

Much improved 10 hours later!

Glad the klonopin is helping! Did you use the fairy tales again?

Yes I’m glad klonopin is helping too! No I didn’t. Slept ok last night.

I got my annual letter of inspection by section 8 today but it’s a month late! They tried to forward it but the address is correct! So now I have until April 11th get this neglected apartment in tip top shape or I could lose my benefits! Stupid mixed episode!!!

Can you talk to your caseworker to see if they know any discount cleaners.

My long-time pen pal/friend emailed me this morning concerned about my being on Klonopin. He said it can cause Alzheimer’s like Benedryl. I am much more worried about the Benadryl I took 8 years ago [trigger]when I took 30 25 mg pills at once and had to go to the hospital![\trigger] than I am klonopin. My friend says 2 mg/day is a lot but I read that that’s the average dose with a max of 6 mg! All psych meds can have terrible side effects and all we can do is try to minimize them. As you may know I’m on my last two meds I haven’t had a reaction to. Next stop: ECT. And nobody understands that! You might as well say you’re getting a lobotomy! I think one month of Klonopin is reasonable to get me through the initial side effects from restarting Vraylar. I do NOT want to go back to California last June where I had every side effect under the sun from Invega! I wasn’t in my home state so a med change couldn’t be made across state lines. I was miserable for a whole week! So glad I had pills that I could stop instead of the 3-month shot!

People just don’t understand! I am in choir for my mental health. My son sings in the choir and so does my ex his dad. Everybody is friends in the choir. It makes me happy! At the same time, I watched the video from Sunday and I was so antsy wiggling around and rocking back and forth as I sang! No judgements from the choir or director! Choir satisfies my soul! To do something I’m good at with people who are equally as good at it is wonderful! It’s as if those 6 or 8 years where I thought my singing voice was gone forever we’re just a nightmare!

I’ll try it myself before I spend money on a cleaning service. I’m poor this month!

I just submitted a maintenance request for my bathroom sink because it fills with water when I use it and drains slowly.

Sink drain had a lot of hair!

Choir is tonight. I’m looking forward to it.

Dropped my phone in the sink. I tried to dry it out but it gave a message not to charge it so there must be moisture still inside.

Oh, no! I ruined my old iPhone by dropping it in the Pacific Ocean. Even after it had to be dry, it wouldn't work again. Had to get a new phone.
I hope yours will work once it dries.

So far the speaker has dried. I have a warrantee on it I think but with the charging port not working we wouldn’t be able to transfer my files.

Turned it off and took the case off. Gonna wait for it to air dry. Google says use silica gel packets instead of rice. Don’t have any.

Choir rehearsal went well. I got invited to sing with a small group for Holy Week. Im excited! N3 told me he got a 97 on his computer programming final that he was studying madly for on Sunday and Monday. He also officially got an apartment for Fall! They go fast! The director said I’m doing well so that was nice to hear. Tomorrow I’m going to concentrate on the living room. Put some music on and go to town!! Klonopin really has made a huge difference! My focus is back and I’m not so distracted though I am still antsy and fidgety but much less so than before.

Turned the phone back on and plugged it in and it’s working normally! No more wet port warning!

Just had a thought: maybe the salt got crusted inside your phone?

@Blueberrybook

My scripts run out before i see pdoc next and a lot dont have refills. Case manager thinks it’s just Vraylar. Guess this means klonopin is just for this one month. Too bad because i feel so much better without akathisia!

Caleb has yet another excuse not to come see me.