Bipolar Check-In #93

Hope you enjoy the crochet class @Nammu ! I’m in the process of learning how to crochet as well. My building now has a monthly crochet class

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After months of struggling to motivate myself to practice violin I managed to practice for 30 min today. I’m so glad I did , I really missed it I just struggle with procrastination sometimes due to perfectionism paralyzing me.

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Oh, I’d love it if my building had a crochet class. We do have a monthly craft class. I’ve made a felt teddy bear and a flower picture.

We also have a group that gets together to make posters for protests of the president. We’re part of the 50, 50, 1 project.

But a crochet class would be fun.

IKWYM. But all you do is turn the thing around. Crochet looks pretty much the same back to front, except maybe opposite! Just pick a hole and continue crocheting! (If its not the right space, pull it out and try again. You really cant go wrong!) The first piece i made was a white single crochet wool scarf. Unfortunately i shortchanged each row until i figured it out then started increasing my rows, and ended up with a very concave-sided strip. But at least it didnt bunch up around my neck!

Was a very good day today. I went to mass and it was very emotional for me. I had a great day at my parents too. On the drive back, I was the only one on the highway, and I just felt at peace. I think I have been upset for so long, I don't know how to be happy.

I am hoping for a phone call tonight, but I don't think it's going to happen. I live my whole life waiting for a phone call and its no way to live. I have so much of my life to live, and I have every opportunity to do so. Watching My Name is Bruce with my best friend now, trying to distract myself. I don't want to be miserable anymore.

My bouquet , I have so much to learn

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You are very creative @Blue_Bird!

The day began with absolute rage and maddening frustration. Personal stress, missed medications, and disrupted sleep all came together for a miserable night and morning. But now it’s happier. My wife, daughter, and our other family member are watching BigBrother. It’s the one thing we do together as a family. The show doesn’t even matter. It’s just spending time together.

Living with our ‘family member’ is going well so far (day 2). He’s pretty out of it and has significant memory loss, but is pleasant. The OD and ECT have taken their toll.

I’m not sure how things are going to go. There are no answers or guarantees as to how things will work out. It might be a positive outcome. Idk. I need to stay open to being positive and helpful even though I get frustrated.

It’s been a bipolar day from hell this morning to pleasantness this evening. I took my evening meds and pray for a good night’s sleep. I need it.

I had a hard time sleeping last night and am very tired tonight. Hopefully I'll get to sleep on time tonight. It's finally nice and cool which should help. My ceiling fans are off for the first time in months.

Tomorrow I have to get a dental crown. I'm not looking forward to that. I metabolize numbing agents rapidly and so a crown means I'll have to be re-numbed at least 2 times. Sometimes they try numbing different areas to help which means I feel a lot of the injections. This one shouldn't be that bad though based on where it is. I have to get another in October and that will hurt more because I'll have to get the numbing that numbs part of your nose. One at a time though.

Does valium last long in your system or something. I Still feel perfectly ok with just 3/4 of one. I do have 3 for tommorow and my pdoc should call it in by then.

Good luck with your crowns! I have two- top two front, center teeth. I broke one biting into a peach pit by accident. It was an old 1982 fix from when I originally broke that tooth- someone pulled a water pump handle straight into my mouth! (I was 10!). So after it broke off in 2022, half my tooth was missing so the dentist told me I’d need both top front teeth ground down and replaced with crowns. Otherwise they wouldn’t match. So far so good!

I had a rough night. Had a bad panic attack last night. Then in the middle of the night I rolled over in my sleep and fell off my bed and hit my head on my night stand and landed on the floor on my back. I know I’m gonna have massive bruises.

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It’s the benzo used for anxiety with the longest half life, so easiest to stop compared to Xanax, Ativan , Klonopin, Librium.

I loved that it was still dark at quarter past 5 this morning. Feels like calmer, quieter times are coming.