Bipolar Check-In #93

I took 1 and 1/4 valium today. I normally take 3 a day and 150mg of visteril. I feel perfectly fine and will this feeling last or will I feel like dog shyt tommrow? Like how fast do withdrawels last. I'm hoping to get it filled tommorow I have 3 and 3/4 pills left.

If I can deal with just 3/4 of I'll be ok for my trip.

But someone said you can die from.Valium withdraewels?

My home is so tiny it's sad. Welcome to my sad home. My bed for one, my dining area for one, my comfortable seating for one. It's pathetic and i feel sorry for myself. My grand achievement, homeownership. It's an embarrassment and i am ashamed. It's a rectangular box in which i live, like a hamster.

I just took a bath. Feeling a sense of accomplishment. I smell beautiful like the bath soap that my partners mom gave me for my birthday!

I've had a grouchy day. No reason why aside from I got too hot but not for that long. I have just avoided doing most things today.
Oddly my mom was in a bad mood too so we agreed to stay away from each other. We had a spaghetti squash we'd planned to have for dinner but wound up splitting it and each cooking our own half.

I feel better now but still just not myself. My cat is laying on me and usually I love when she does that but right now and at another time in the day I just want to move around so she jumps down.

Like I said, crabby.

Weird stuff and GI stuff trigger



Thats kinda messed up that it happened. I think I'm only able to tell my endocrolgist through the portal and my therapist through email

But I guess I can just see what happens after the 5th. The stricture is my intestines. So maybe I just annoyed it

My mom asked what I ate and I havent eaten in 6 hours and that was just a sandwhich.

Confession was really good. I had a really powerful spiritual experience in the courtyard with Mary among all the flowers with the summer breeze. Cried a lot while I prayed with my rosary. Got to see Father before he went into the church so he blessed my rosary for me. After confession, I spent some time praying in the church and cried some more.

When I got home, my guy ended up calling me and we spent some time. You can tell there is tension between us. I am not going to push to be with him anymore, he doesn't want me anymore. It's about time I face that. I am not looking for anyone though, after all the tears this afternoon, I realize my heart can't take another heartbreak - this one almost killed me.

Looking forward to a great day tomorrow at mass and then a day with my parents. Much to be grateful for. Watching Svengoolie with my best friend now - it's Leprachaun night, this movie is so bad and funny and just what I needed.

The reduction in my klonopin is so weird. One day I sleep fine. The next I don't. And the sequence continues. I know my body is going through changes with this and I'm ok to stick it out for now. I'm a little worried that my crabby day might be related but I think I just had a bad day. I just have to continue to watch it. I can always go back on it but I've made it nearly a week so surely things will settle soon.

I hope nobody is on here to read this (except maybe Crazy Hitch)!

@Mountaindewed my cat has been extra affectionate today too. She is very attuned to my moods. It's a good warning signal.

@Mountaindewed

I don't know how much diazepam you take, but I take 30mg a day. I felt it after not taking it for a day and a half. (Or it could have been two and a half days. I'm uncertain.)