Bipolar Check-In #93

Good morning. I woke up at 2am and wasn’t able to get back to sleep. Slept a grand total of exactly 3 hours so I’m very tired. I did a load of laundry at 4am because I was up and there’s no one doing laundry at that time so I figured I might as well get it out of the way before people get up and start going to to do laundry. Right now one of the washers is out of order on our floor and there’s only two washers on each floor. So hopefully they get ours fixed soon

I am not paranoid or dissociated or panicked so far today. Though it’s still early. And that kind of stuff tends to happen in the afternoons for me. Hopefully it’s gonna be one of my good days though where I don’t experience that. Sometimes I go weeks without it there’s really no telling when it will happen. Sometimes it’s every other day. Sometimes less frequently. Usually though it’s preceded by a intense feeling of overwhelm or stress and then that triggers the dissociation which then triggers panic about the dissociation which then triggers paranoia about my meds poisoning me and that triggers the panic and dissociation even more. It’s a big mess of an endless loop.

I did some progressive muscle relaxation this morning. The fidget cube thing I ordered comes today. I also got some new colored pencils because I gave my other set of 120 colored pencils to my neighbor, the 85 year old lady (Papi’s previous owner). So I got myself a set of 72 to replace those. I didn’t mind giving her my other ones. It feels good to help people and she loves to color so I know she’ll put them to good use. She made spaghetti and garlic bread last night and called me down to come get a plate. She’s really sweet.

I went to an exercise class in my building yesterday. It was fun. Though right when I got back to my apartment the dissociation and panic started. I’m hoping to start exercising more and using the treadmill again regularly. And do strength building exercises and yoga.

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I’m sorry you’re struggling @June08 I hope you get some relief soon. Does your psychiatrist have any ideas of anything that could help?

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So I'm doing a thing, and I know the thing I'm doing is a bad idea but I'm doing it anyway. I cut my loxapine dose in half. Maybe this time I'll be fine.

@LadyShadow

I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but maybe you should cut off all contact with your ex? I'm sure that would be hard. But I think in the long run you'd feel better because you wouldn't constantly be waiting for that phone call.

Weight talk



At my next psychiatrist appointment I'm going to ask her if we can cut back on the seroquel a bit. I know she's just going to tell me to "diet and exercise more" but I'm already dieting and my weight is not budging! I've been, roughly, the same weight the last three years! I don't like it. And I'm tired of constantly battling with my hunger. I'm starving about 99% of the time and I'm sick of it!! It's really getting old!