How can i help my girlfriend?

hi,

i'm new on here and i'm posting to find out if there is anything i can do to help my girlfriend.

We think she is bipolar and she has just been to the doctors and they have said it is a quite real possibility.

She has been refered to a psychiatrist and things are getting done.

i know there wont be some miracle cure so i was wondering what i could do to help her when she gets down and stuff like that.

Thank you!

Hi HappyFish,

Welcome to PC. Sounds like your girlfriend is on the right track. Once she sees her Pdoc, they will help her decide the best treatment regimine. Family, friends, and you (of course), are really important. I applaud you for your oustanding support and concern!

Take care,

Dee

Hi HappyFish. Since many guys would run, not walk, away from a girl with a mental illness, my hat's off to you. Hopefully your girlfriend knows how lucky she is.

Regarding your question, here's a list of pointers for you to help your girlfriend live with bipolar disorder, adapted from this website at healthyplace.com:

Supporting Someone with Bipolar Disorder

1. The mental illness your girlfriend suffers with is something that is also happening to you and the people around you. All are affected and it is nobody's fault. It is not your fault and not your girlfriend's fault. It is an unfortunate illness.

2. You cannot fix your girlfriend. There is nothing you can do to cure her illness, so don't feel compelled to try. What you can do is be supportive, loving and handling the everyday details and practical issues of life that she cannot cope with.

3. You and your family and your friends all have a responsibility to cope with the illness. Escape is not a helpful way of dealing with crisis. You all need each other.

4. The ill girlfriend must recognize and accept the illness, be willing to receive treatment, and if possible, learn to manage the illness. If the ill girlfriend is not willing to do these things, it may become impossible for you to continue to support him or her. You are not required to throw away your own life for someone who refuses to cooperate. There are limits and they must be enforced without feelings of guilt.

5. Educate yourself concerning every aspect of the illness. Education brings compassion. Ignorance just encourages anger and fear.

6. Grieve your loss. It is a great loss. You need to allow yourself the time and energy to experience the entire process of grieving.

7. Get help for yourself to cope with this incredible challenge, either from your own counsellor or a mental health support group. You can't do it alone. Don't refuse to recognize your own need for help, just because the ill girlfriend is getting most of the attention.

9. Try to create a safe environment for your girlfriend to express herself without feeling threatened, constrained or condemned. She desperately needs a nurturing, safe place to express the incredible frustration she is feeling about coping with mental illness.

10. You need to share your feelings, honestly and openly. It's okay to feel angry and cheated. At times you may feel embarrassed by the ill girlfriend's behaviour - avoid trying to protect your girlfriend by not discussing the problem with family or friends. Family secrets will only isolate you from others.

11. Never put yourself in physical danger. If you sense your girlfriend is becoming dangerous, you should leave and call for professional help. You should never tolerate abuse. Trust your instincts and intuitions on this one. Say, "no way" and mean it.

12. Become your girlfriend's advocate with the medical professionals, assertively involved in her treatment and medications. If the medical professional or psychiatrist won't cooperate with you, demand a different one! Find a professional who will work with both of you. You know more about your girlfriend's illness than anyone else. Trust your instincts.

13. Coldly assess what your girlfriend can and cannot handle, and compensate assertively. Some people with mental illness cannot handle money, some household chores, time commitments and too much stress. You must not do things for your girlfriend that she can do for herself. Don't rob him or her of their dignity.

14. Maintain your own identity; resist becoming consumed with your girlfriend's illness. Life goes on. You have an obligation to yourself to take care of yourself and meet your own needs. You must continue to develop your own interests and talents. You are a valuable human being, so don't play the martyr role and sacrifice yourself. That's just self pity. "Get a life."

15. Always hope for healing. The medications do work and new ones are being developed. You may get your girlfriend back whole some day. If nothing else, the experience will broaden and deepen you in ways you never imagined. Or, you can choose to let it destroy you and your relationship. It is your choice.

16. Keep in mind that bad things happen to good people and you're no exception. You have not been singled out for a special persecution. Trying to make good choices in life won't protect you from misfortune. You haven't been "dumb" to "get yourself in this situation." It is not your fault. Life is not easy, we have to take what we get and make the best of it.

I hope that helps. My wife is bipolar and I'm quickly becoming a self-made expert on her illness, so if you have any other questions, ask 'em.

Gordian, thank you so much for making that post for my boyfriend.

I recommended he come on here and ask for help, because I know he finds it difficult to cope with me sometimes.

We're both only young (he's 18, I will be soon), but it feels like we've been through a lot together already, and believe me, I know I'm lucky to have him.

That list is really helpful- I'm going to save it to my computer.

My main worry about all of this is the meds. I know that if the Pdoc says I have bipolar then they will be necessary.. I'm just not sure how I would cope with the side effects.

Happy Fish - It is great that you are here in support of your girlfriend. The thing that my husband does for me that I appreciate most is being there and listening to me and helping me get help when things get bad and I have trouble helping myself.

Reddevil - Meds are a blessing and a curse. They are a lifesaver yet they can come with some nasty side effects and it may take a while to find what is right for you. Some side effects you can’t live with and some you may decide to live with because the benefits outweigh the negatives. I live with small skin problems (little rashes that disappear a couple days after they come), very slight memory retrieval problems (I have some trouble retrieving words at times), and mild tiredness (but this could be because I have a 9 month old baby too). Please be as patient as you can and be aware of the different side effects of the meds you are given.

Thank you everyone! you have been very helpful!