[Razzleberry]

I have had 3 suicide attempts or near-attempts in just over a month. I landed myself back in the psych ward - where I am typing right now. I've been to the same place twice in a month. I hate this.

My life is really not all that bad. I have a loving husband, I love my daughter, and rationally I know I am needed and wanted and important. When I think rationally, I know that suicide is a stupid option that will only make things lightyears worse for my family.

So how do I stop the thoughts?!

I am Bipolar II, so they say I can't have any anti-depressant medications. But I have been so far down lately. What else is there.

I still have suicidal thoughts.

Why do I continue to have these thoughts, after two psych hospital stays, tons of therapy, all that?!!

Any ideas how to stop?

My daugther turns 3 on Sunday. I need to be here for her. She needs a mother. How do I remember that all the time?

[bizi]

If you are bipolar 2 then you should be on antidepressants....it is bipolar 1 that have difficulty with the antidepressants so maybe that was a typo.
What mood stabilizer do you take?
Lamictal has antidepressant qualities and many folks take this.
people have ect treatments to try to get them to a better place...this may be an option for you....
there is also an invasive device called VNS stimulator that is implanted...there may be some deep brain stimulators too.
I am hoping that you get some other replies....
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
I know of a suicide support forum at
neurotalk (a sister forum under psych central) for people who are suicidal and for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. google neurotalk....sos (survivors of suicide) in the index if you wish to post there...we welcome you. They will help support you. I will try to post a direct link, the registration is simple.
I am bizi there as well.

edited to say:
I jsut read your bio and see that you are bp1...so anti depressants need to be carefully monitored...I could take welbutrin at half dose when I needed it...am bp1 as well.

here is the link:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

[Razzleberry]

I am actually Bipolar II I think, not Bipolar I. I thought I might be manic a few weeks ago but I think we decided it was just hypomanic. And I am much more depressed than I ever am manic.

I am on Lamictal, and I was on Zoloft a few weeks ago but they took me off it after my first hospitalization. I was on Zyprexa, then switched to Abilify, but now they took me off that and they are starting Lithium.

I am a little confused on the lithium, but they said it would help. I just take what they tell me to. Most of these med changes have happened at the psych ward, not my regular pdoc. I love my pdoc but I am confused with some of the med changes the other docs make.

I know a few who do well on Lamictal + Wellbutrin - is that something I should ask about?

Then again, the price of lithium vs. lamictal is very tempting. My insurance doesn't pay much on the lamictal.

[HALLIEBETH87]

lithium doesnt do well with 2....hmmm

talked to em about lamictal? its awesome!

[bizi]

I agree with your med combo,
lamictal and wellbutrin...
go for it.
bizi

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((( Razzleberry )))))))))))))))))

So sorry you are going through such difficulties right now. I'm sure it feels like you are on quite the roller coaster ride. Since the change in meds has been fairly recently, it may take a bit of time for you to feel more stable and for the docs to get the dosage exactly where it needs to be to be helpful.

As for the thoughts you are having....would it help to know the following? Everyone has a myriad of thoughts within our minds each and every day. Thoughts that are useful and good and thoughts that are harmful and don't apply to real life. You have a choice on which thoughts you wish to keep as useful and which ones to toss out like dirty bath water. In other words, you can choose to take that suicidal thought and decide that it is not applicable to you right now. By all means I know that this is not always an easy thing to do. It takes some time and practice to figure out how to do this, but it sure can be helpful. I hope it helps you too!

Take good care Razzle!


sabby

[Razzleberry]

I talked (emailed) my regular pdoc/therapist (actually a psych nurse practitioner who does both) and I think the lithium is mostly because of my recent complaining about the cost of lamictal. I don't know if I'm Bipolar I or II, but I guess that doesn't really matter as long as it works. Lithium is fine, and for $4 bucks versus $153 bucks it's hard to argue!!

I'm still in the psych ward, but I had a few good sessions with the therapists one-on-one and I'm starting to notice my warnin signs and triggers to prevent things from getting to that point again. Because for me, there seems to be a 'point of no return' where I am just bound and determined to end things, and nothing can stop me. We just need to work on preventing myself from getting to that point again.

[MyBestKids2]

Razz,

Glad you are feeling a bit better. How awesome they have a good therapist who is working well with you, and helping you through such a horrible time.

Please know we are thinking of you!

Dee

[sabby]

That's really good to hear that you are learning what your triggers are. The more knowledge you have about how your mind operates, the much better off you will be. Getting the tools you can use when triggered is so very important. I'm glad there is progress being made.

Take good care (((((((((((( Razzle ))))))))))))))))


sabby