[inside]

all the meds they give me make things worse for example stare more than usall want to harm my self more than usall and in more dramatic ways than i would normly do . tese are only slight out of controll behavor its usally much worse . so i stop taking the meds before something bad happens . any suggestions i'm alone and no one to help me to let me no if i'm doing something i shouldn't whil on meds one reason i'm scared of them

[trippinmickey]

I use to hurt myself all the time on those Mood staberlize hated the way I felt on them and my bipolar got much worst.Im on meds but I wont take them know more .I had my doctor cut the dose of all my meds. down im on 6 of them now and I can take some as needed or adjust if im too manic my anti dep. I dont F*** with but I like the manic its apart of who im am I dont wont to lose it .Its who I been for 40 years .You just cant throw your self a way without it F***ing your head up.

[MyBestKids2]

Hi inside,

I used to have some of those feelings until I finally found the right cocktail of meds. Perhaps you can give your Pdoc a call, and he/she can make some adjustments.

Good luck and keep us updated!


Dee

[Jifiner]

I too found that all my meds made me worse. I have been on and off so many meds over the past 16 years. I was on as many as 9 pills a day at one time. I have been med free for almost 3 years and most of the time I am fine. I still occasionally have manic/depressive episodes, but I usually snap out of them quickly. The worst I got was being on effexor (which is not a drug for bipolar - see the FDA website) which landed me in the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I spent 4 days in the hospital and I NEVER want to repeat that. I cannot find a Dr. that cares anything about me as a person. In fact, after I ended up in the hospital, I went to my Dr. for about 3-4 more months and then just stopped. Not once, did the office even call to see if I was ok or even alive.

Try to find another dr. that wants to help and make sure that you have a support person close by that understands and wants to help you either way. My hubby may not understand all that I go through but he definitely stands by me and won't let me harm myself.

[bizi]

inside did you see these posts for you? People do care here and are willing to help support you.
they are offering a hand and a hug...
please keep posting/talking/venting/journaling
bizi

[silverallie]

Originally Posted by Jifiner

I too found that all my meds made me worse. I have been on and off so many meds over the past 16 years. I was on as many as 9 pills a day at one time. I have been med free for almost 3 years and most of the time I am fine. I still occasionally have manic/depressive episodes, but I usually snap out of them quickly. The worst I got was being on effexor (which is not a drug for bipolar - see the FDA website) which landed me in the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I spent 4 days in the hospital and I NEVER want to repeat that. I cannot find a Dr. that cares anything about me as a person. In fact, after I ended up in the hospital, I went to my Dr. for about 3-4 more months and then just stopped. Not once, did the office even call to see if I was ok or even alive.

I know what you mean. I was on Effexor XR and Topamax and I was in the hospital twice--and, of course, they increased the meds during my first stay (and tried to add klonopin, but I refused it; even 0.25mg once a day made me too loopy.) My impulsivity--something I have a LOT of issues with--was markedly increased ESPECIALLY if I was going through withdrawal, if I forgot to refill a prescription or something. Just... not a med I'd ever take again.

And I also know what you mean about the Drs. office not caring. I saw the same Dr. for quite a while, through intensive outpatient therapy (in the hospital 8 hrs. a day, sleep at home) and through 2 inpatient stays. When I finally stopped going (I changed employers and lost insurance for a while) I never got any sort of follow up... that really, really sucks. Way to make patients with lagging self-esteem feel even better about themselves, hey?

[julieet76]

Originally Posted by silverallie

I know what you mean. I was on Effexor XR and Topamax and I was in the hospital twice--and, of course, they increased the meds during my first stay (and tried to add klonopin, but I refused it; even 0.25mg once a day made me too loopy.) My impulsivity--something I have a LOT of issues with--was markedly increased ESPECIALLY if I was going through withdrawal, if I forgot to refill a prescription or something. Just... not a med I'd ever take again.

And I also know what you mean about the Drs. office not caring. I saw the same Dr. for quite a while, through intensive outpatient therapy (in the hospital 8 hrs. a day, sleep at home) and through 2 inpatient stays. When I finally stopped going (I changed employers and lost insurance for a while) I never got any sort of follow up... that really, really sucks. Way to make patients with lagging self-esteem feel even better about themselves, hey?

I was on Effexor XR and Topmax and loved it. It was like i was on a constant speeding high and i was losing weight!!! My husband didn't like it cause it made me irratable to the point that I started having constant hypomania. So my doc pulled me off the Topamax and is trying to down grade my effxor. I think she wants to completely pull me off of it.
So yea i guess mine have made me worse. LOL