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#1
Oct 14, 2008, 07:00 PM
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He's sending me txt messages saying he loves me but can't deal with my being sick because its too much work for him. WTH am I supposed to do?! I'm having a bad few weeks, especially today, and he expects me to just suck it up and be "the best I can be"- Ii don't live up to his version of what he wants in a partner, he says. I said "So you're breaking up with me then?" and he says "no, silly!"
 Ummm.... I'm so confused! I took my first respirdol just now. Lights were looking like aliens and I expected them to talk to me but they didn't. Darn. I sat alone in a parking lot for an hour maybe sobbing wishing someone would pick me up and take me to psych ER... but then I drove back home.
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#2
Oct 14, 2008, 08:08 PM
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Wth? Perhaps he needs to just realize that you aren’t made to fit into the mold he has in mind for you and that he has to accept that if he truly loves you.
__________________
 "Just living is not enough," said the butterfly. "One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower." - Hans Christian Andersen |
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#3
Oct 14, 2008, 08:14 PM
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Yeah- exactly. He says he wants a woman who... blah blah blah. He's known I'm bipolar for at least two of our three years, which is when I got diagnosed. I've been going to my dr appointments and taking my meds. I haven't veered from that path, yet he is accusing me of basically not being the type of person he wants because I don't live up to my potential. Well don't I KNOW that?? That's not a happy thought. Geeze.
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#4
Oct 14, 2008, 09:13 PM
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Because life isn't hard enough, you really need the stress of "fitting the idea" of the man who loves you.
 Hopefully he will see--somehow--that you are you...he fell in love with you, not some idea of you. Please try to stay strong through this difficult time.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#5
Oct 15, 2008, 08:04 AM
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Moose...I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriends expectations... BP can be difficult on the people that we love, let alone on us! Sometimes, at least for me, I don't realize how difficult I can be....one minute I'm up and the next minute I'm down.... However, most days I am down...TJ downer.... My daughter even calls me Ms. Negative and she is 12 yo...
That said, I just think you need to discuss this with him. Tell him that you love him and that you are doing the best that you can....that is all that you can do! You are going through a difficult time right now, along with everything else that you have to deal with...and you really need his support right now! I know it is tough right now, but it will get better...I wish you better times ahead...  TJ 
__________________
 Smooches! Hope you have a Beautiful, Blessed Day!Thyroid disorders can cause depression and can mimic bipolar disorder... Please read below regarding one form, hypothyroidism, and have your numbers checked...TSH, T3, T4, Free T3, Free T4, and Thyroid Antibodies (for Graves Disease and Hashimotos Disease (which mimics BP)
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#6
Oct 15, 2008, 02:57 PM
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Wow--that's a real slap upside the head. I hope things get better between you soon, and that he can accept you as you are today and will be tomorrow, and every day after that. I'm pulling for you.
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#7
Oct 17, 2008, 01:52 PM
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So does he live up to your version of his potential?
__________________
Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#8
Oct 17, 2008, 02:07 PM
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Quote:
As far as his POTENTIAL, I dunno. He probably does not change things as much as he could, but I just let it go. I used to make suggestions, but he does not want them. You know- the old "active help vs. just hugs" thing? He gets mad at HIMSELF for not doing enough cleaning, writing, practicing guitar, riding his unicycle or whatever. I think he's too hard on himself THAT way. Sure he doesn't do a lot of them, and complains a lot, but I don't then turn around and say "Its because you're depressed. Depressed people do that. I've been depressed before...." If I try to JOKE with him about things like that, he just agrees! |
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#9
Oct 17, 2008, 02:21 PM
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acceptance what we seek...so few can...everyone what's to change you...and we them...
It's tough...just to accept...and grow old together...don't mean just age...but Grow in everyway...
__________________
Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#10
Oct 17, 2008, 03:04 PM
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Quote:
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#11
Oct 17, 2008, 07:44 PM
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Uugghh, I so know what you mean.
My husband tells everyone "she acts like that because she's bi polar" or "Didn't you take your medication today"? If I had diabetes or hypertension, what would he say then? |
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#12
Oct 17, 2008, 08:54 PM
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I may be wrong, Moose, but it sounds to me that your bf wants you to be all the things that he isn't so that you will wind up with all the responsibility in the relationship.
There's a couple of red flags going up for me. If I were you, I'd be studying your relationship and checking out your feelings about things that come up. Feelings may not be facts, but they are clues to the truth. At the very least, it bears checking into.
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
 bizi
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#13
Oct 17, 2008, 11:14 PM
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I'm sorry for what your BF is putting you through. He sounds just like my husband. Maybe they should be a couple. LOL. Sorry for that but I hope that put a little smile on your face.
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#14
Oct 18, 2008, 02:45 AM
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moose,
septembermorn said what is in my mind. he is acting exactly how he will be in marriage he will not change. if you think he'll change after marriage you are not thinking realistically. i've lived 28 years with an unsympathetic mate who also happens to "disbelieve" my dx which is mpd/did. he has not changed in all that time, if anything he's less kindly now than as a young man. when you marry you are actually choose which set of problems you wish to live with in marriage and choosing a set of strangers to become family. CHOOSE WELL/BEWARE! HUGS AND WARNINGS,  LESLIE
__________________
 HEALING HAPPENS
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| bizi
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#15
Oct 22, 2008, 01:23 AM
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Im new here so HOWDY PARTNER... my relationship just got back stable my boyfriend Always questions whether he wants to continue with me after 7 years. i now im very difficult all the time girl mood swings oh yeah hi im Gina an ima bipolar Mania freak lol
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#16
Oct 22, 2008, 05:06 AM
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As one who is there(married to a person with bp) I will say it can be tough. Relationships are always tough, but throw this in and "WHAM!" I think/know a lot of time people don't truly understand the disorder(s), don't understand what they need to do or can do to help(that helpless feeling is awful!), and are not strong enough or brave enough to leave the relationship if they cannot live with it. So instead they try to deny or wish it away. I know I am a very strong person emotionally/psychologically and my wife's bipolar darn near destroyed me before we began to get some semblance of control. My life revolves around work and helping her manage bipolar now with very little if any time for me. Oh, and battling to keep from becoming co-dependent myself!
Tell your sig. other how it is, this is what I have, this is what I need from you, you can either live with it or not. Not something you can really candy-coat. Hope it works out for you whichever way is right! Skip |
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