Rapid cycling...

A couple of weeks ago, when in the chat room, I was explaining to someone that lately I was going up and down like a yo-yo, no rhyme nor reason to it, just happy-go-lucky one moment, feeling terrible the next, anxious, happy, sad, vibratingly energetic, lethargic, confused, totally clear-headed -- the whole gamut. I was told this is called rapid cycling. My question: anyone got any ideas on how long it can last? I have been feeling like I am on a real slippery slope downward, but there keeps on being times when I feel either like nothing at all is the matter, or I cycle thru the entire list mentioned above. It's really getting to me. It's been going like this for at least a few weeks now. I almost feel like I would be better off depressed completely. I've been short-tempered, easily offended, but also emphatically empathetic. Oh yeah, I left out running off at the mouth.

I honestly have no idea what the hell I am talking about at the moment but I welcome any comments.

Yes this is rapid cycling, and it will probably either lead to or already includes what are known as "mixed states". Have you talked to your pdoc or tdoc about it? Are you currently in treatment for bipolar?

It makes life a real hell. You don't want to go untreated for this. If you're already in treatment talk to your pdoc or T about it; if not, seek help!

Just waiting for a referral to go thru right now, Mal. Thanks for your reply.

Hi Reb, I actually did make a quick reply to this yesterday, but I see now it didn't go thru somehow. I'll pay closer attention today. what a doof.

Sure sounds like rapid cycling to me. How long it lasts is all to do with your own cycles. You don't know how long it lasts until you keep track of how long it lasts, if you see what I mean.

Sometimes I can immerse into something like a triple feature video day. If I can lose my attention completely into something for long enough, it can turn the trend away from continued deterioration.

If you're at the end of your rope about it, you might ask your doc for alonzopine (sp?). It's very effective against a wide variety of mental crisis states restoring one to calm rationality within an hour. It is effective for me in a bad spot, I know to ask for it when it's truly trouble time. I don't like to stay on it though.

Thats the only drug i ever recommend of any I was given in this process. No weeks long adjustment etc. And it seems to work on such a variety of escelations in "the force" of whatever it is that makes me crazy.

Other than that, my mission in life has to be maintaining vigilant watch over that space betwee who I am and how I feel. For me that's the big one.

Actually, before I post this, i guess i'd be some kind of hypocrite if i didn't also tell you straight up that in my experience marijuana goes a long way in mitigating more symptoms than any other remedy. There are studies even from Harvard Psych dept, suporting that.

So, I'll post this, and we can talk more, but i'm nervous I might be posting wrong, since I lost one yesterday.

peace

Thanks for taking the time, sqrlb8. I really want to see a t before asking my gp for any new medication. Weed would be lovely, but right now it's too expensive, and for me, difficult to obtain, believe it or not. I like your idea of engaging in creative activites, as you mentioned in another thread. Listening to music seems to really help, plus I am trying to keep writing. Posting in here has been good for that. I really haven't been working on any writing projects, as much as I want to and think I should be. My last little creative burst didn't last too long and now I am back to having a bad case of writer's block.

Incidentally, I had a real EUREKA moment yesterday. On Tuesday, I was in the chat room, ineffectually trying to explain situations whereby I will find myself rushed with adrenaline and becoming filled with rage doing the most innocuous activity. Yesterday, I suddenly realized that the trigger is that I am rushing. If I start to rush around, the adrenaline starts to flow (well, at least that's how it feels), and I become angrier and angrier. Strangely, it occurs even when I have no particular need to hurry. I just gradually speed up, not even realizing I am rushing around like a mad dog (as I often say.) I already do everything I can to make sure that I don't have to hurry to go places, i.e. making sure I have plenty of time to get ready and so on. But since it kicks in even though I don't have to rush, I will just have to remember to slow down and take my time. Anyway, just thought I would mention it. I love those eureka moments, they always give me a good dose of endorphines because I feel like I've just been brilliant about something :-)

Well, I could be wrong, but I think the rapid cycling is over. Alas, if I am right, it's been replaced by extreme irritability -- anger, rage even. Not a good sign. I've felt like this before, but what always freaks me out is that is totally unprovoked. Mounting frustrations maybe, but nothing I would call just cause. I've had the shakes all day to boot. I hate to admit this, but whenever I get like this all I want to do is get drunk, which I am in the process of doing right now. I know it only makes things worse, but it's a compulsion I don't seem able to control. Your thoughts?

Irritability, anger and rage could dang near be mottos of my life. Half the time ill be in a rage over something as dumb as a person saying hi to me. Ill have visions of maiming people and day dream of ways to make them pay. I agree with sqrlb8 about the weed, that it helps relax me and makes it so im not as angry constantly. Im also the same way as in the somedays ill be so up ill feel as if i can defeat all my flaws and diagnoses and other days i just want to check out. Ive found that like sqrl that being able to seperate the symptoms and not make them be me has helped quite a bit to defuse some of the anger from mounting as it doesnt get such a firm grip to climb.

some other tricks i resort to: I have a variety of projects out where I can see and reach them easily. Notes of a writing project on the table, music in the music stand and guitars out and ready, the book I'm reading is handy, so I can pick up whichever one im in the mode and mood for without having to dig or start over or pace around.

When you flash so brilliantly as you did on the rushing trigger, try deep breathing. I pooed pooed the idea as akin to putting a cartoon band-aid on a gaping wound, but have since learned that it has physiological benefits sufficient to unravel that cycle at the beginning sometimes. Sort of like rubbing a cramp out of a muscle "before" it knots up. But NOTICING it is a big deal. Once you notice those things, you have a chance to do something. It's like having your own tsunami warning system.

As for getting drunk, well, sometimes yagoddadowhatchagoddado. Try to stay safe, but don't be too hard on yourself for having to resort to self medication while on your way to finding a better approach. There is no cosmic scorekeeper. No harm no foul.

peace

Thanks for posting. My brain's not working too well at the moment so i may need to read this stuff again before it sinks in.

Oh man, this really getting to me. Asleep at 4, wide awake at 7. Mind racing but I'm on the verge of bawling. I can't get my mind to focus on anything but how mixed up I am.

Rebound, what meds are you on?
When I 'm r-cycling pdr has me take seroquel so I can sleep
Angie

I'm not on anything right now. I have temazipam, which is supposed to be to help me sleep and is also an anti-anxiety med I think but it is habit forming so I only take it now and again. I'm going to try to get in to see my gp today I think. I was trying to get by without taking anything as much because of cost as anything else, but I guess I can't do that anymore.