[Moose72]

Not horribly, but I just don't want to do much. I didn't get up early enough, and my middle-schooler came in and said "Mom! Its 7:30! Why didn't you get me up?" (He needs to be there then.) However, I just grabbed my keys and he grabbed his trombone and backpack and he got there in time for his first class. (Missed homeroom.) Then I got my other two ready to go (2nd and 4th grades) and got their lunches made quickly and took them through the drive through at Tim Horton's for a quick donut and milk. But THEN I went to drop them at the side door at school and the safeties yelled at us for driving in where the teachers drive and/or the bus. However, the bus stopped at the corner. Now I've missed my first class. I have another that goes from 12 to 1 and then the lab goes from 1-3. I HAVE to go to those- points and all- but I just feel like a tv day today. My BF even fixed my laptop yesterday- a broken hinge and missing return key- by mixing it with another identical he had! So now one laptop is essentially dead/gone and I have one that works! I don't feel manic- and often I seem to get manic rather than depressed lately. I spent yesterday sitting in my minivan and put on some relaxing music- made myself a little sanctuary bubble. But then when BF came to say he was concerned about me and left, I got upset again because I felt like he seemed concerned, then left instead- even though those few seconds were very loving. I don't know if its my hormones again, but ever seince I got my IUD out, PMS had my sobbing at a restaurant by myself (day before my period) and now is just about when I would ovulate- but how knows. We'll see how regular my cycles become again.

[bizi]

hi moose,
Sounds like you have a lot of stressors going on.
ARe you taking meds?
I wonder if your hormones are acting up...are you reaching a premenapausal time, they say it can take up to 10 years....
yikes!
I am sorry that you S/O did not provide the support that you needed.
Maybe you can ask him to stay next time.
I know we all need so privacy...I use the bathroom when I need a break.
You have more stressor than I having kids and going to school.
that is amazing...what are you studying?
It is hard getting up early, I am not a morning person....
keep posting venting, am listening.
bizi

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bizi

hi moose,
Sounds like you have a lot of stressors going on.
ARe you taking meds?
I wonder if your hormones are acting up...are you reaching a premenapausal time, they say it can take up to 10 years....
yikes!
I am sorry that you S/O did not provide the support that you needed.
Maybe you can ask him to stay next time.
I know we all need so privacy...I use the bathroom when I need a break.
You have more stressor than I having kids and going to school.
that is amazing...what are you studying?
It is hard getting up early, I am not a morning person....
keep posting venting, am listening.
bizi

Thank you so much, Bizi I guess I do have lots of stress, but when I get teary and upset, BF says I'm doing it to myself- meaning, I start thinking of bad things and getting upset about things that may or may not be actually happening. At least, that's how I've tried to see it. But when he says that, it really bothers me. We did talk later about it, but he said that when I told him I'd made myself a sanctuary so I could be alone, he thought I meant I wanted him to go away.

There isn't anything I can do about the kids and going to school. Well, I mean, I love my kids and enjoy them. I TRY to be a good mom. So when things like this morning happen, I feel so guilty and bad about it. Getting up this morning wasn't so out of the realm of when I've been getting up actually. Its just that I guess I stayed up late watching tv. Not 4 a.m. or anything- about midnight.

I do that, too- go sit in the bathroom and turn on the fan to block out noise. This works at bf's place, but it occured to me to go sit in my van and that was a lot better- comfier too. The sound system is pretty good, considering. They have these expensive bubble/egg things you can buy that can have sound systems in them. I saw one in a fancy catelog once. I often wish I had one- be like being back in the womb kinda. (I was short-changed 9 weeks!)

I'm in pre-nursing, which is hard because I'm more of a music-type. Was a music major at 18. I have been mulling this over in my head, too. What have I gotten myself into??

I'm not sure about the hormone thing. I'm 36 and just got off the Mirena after 5 years- the IUD with progesterone in it. I rarely had periods with it so suddenly having normal heavy periods is a change. Even while on it, though, before going on Depakote, my PMS was horrible. in fact, that's how I got my diagnosis- thought it was PMDD, but turned out to be bipolar I. Seems my hormones are sorting themselves out, but I don't think I'm in menopause or even peri yet.

Yes I am taking my meds. I haven't changed anything.

[Moose72]

Well, if you read my ' 'bugs' post, I took benedryl earlier to counter-act this. Well, benedryl does me in! ZZz.... That was around 1:30 maybe. Then when do i wake up? FOUR! My ex picked up the kids from school, which I THOUGHT was the plan for today, but my daughter said "Mom dad had to get us" so I guess not. I just had some early dinner and am watching Science Channel. What's my deal!? There is no reason for this.

[bizi]

I'm not sure about the hormone thing. I'm 36 and just got off the Mirena after 5 years- the IUD with progesterone in it. I rarely had periods with it so suddenly having normal heavy periods is a change. Even while on it, though, before going on Depakote, my PMS was horrible. in fact, that's how I got my diagnosis- thought it was PMDD, but turned out to be bipolar I. Seems my hormones are sorting themselves out,

My first experience with hormones, the depoprevara birth control shot that lasts 3 months....induced my first mania.
I am scared of taking hormones now...even my pdoc recommended that I might try them since I am starting to have symptoms, occasionaal nite sweats...I am afraid to even try.
Yes our hormones can really swing us one way or the other...
I am 45.
bizi

[bizi]

I think the bugs thingy is a sort of hallucination, but what do I know.
Do you have a pdoc to call?
bizi

[bizi]

Do you mind sharing what meds you are on?
I take lamictal, geodon and klonipin
bizi

[Moose72]

I could call my pdoc, but it just feels like tiny crawling. I think there are things there- I can pick them off, ya know? But not see the bugs themselves but the skin they eat. Liitte dead skin. Hmm... sounds weird but its really not.

I take Depakote and Celexa. I'm on a bunch of asthma meds, too. I can't take hormones- at least not estrogen-because of previous blood clots in my lungs. I had the depo shot once at the end of 2001 and hated it. This isn't like that at all. Oh wait- I also have trazadone and ativan, but I rarely take either. Benedryl seems to be working for putting me to sleep lately and at least its SORT of helping the itching.I think....

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I could call my pdoc, but it just feels like tiny crawling. I think there are things there- I can pick them off, ya know? But not see the bugs themselves but the skin they eat. Liitte dead skin. Hmm... sounds weird but its really not.

I take Depakote and Celexa. I'm on a bunch of asthma meds, too. I can't take hormones- at least not estrogen-because of previous blood clots in my lungs. I had the depo shot once at the end of 2001 and hated it. This isn't like that at all. Oh wait- I also have trazadone and ativan, but I rarely take either. Benedryl seems to be working for putting me to sleep lately and at least its SORT of helping the itching.I think....

Moose, if this is right before your period it could be that your hormones are interfering and making your BP worse... The week before my period is when I get suicidal and psychotic....it is much better since I have stopped taking the meds, but it still is bad... I usually have a lot of help during that week....because I am unable to function! Also, it could be perimenopause, I started at 38....after giving birth to my dd... It seems that you really need to take care of yourself right now...Hope you are feeling much better!

TJ

[Moose72]

TJ thanks.

My period was 2 1/2 weeks ago and seemed normal for a period not on hormones- i.e. heavy, longer, compared to on Mirena IUD. What are the other symptoms of perimenopause? I stayed home today but I'm afraid I'll have to drop out of school if I don't go all the time. The itching is still there even after benedryl. I did notice that I was very tearful the day before my period started this last time. if I go to my pdoc she might up my doses and that's what I don't want. At least I am still taking my Depakote- sometimes I get so manic that I simply don't take it! Abilify didn't work last time when I was seeing things - it just made me SO hyper. One of the rare side effects- or rather, couldn't sit still. OMG this itching is maddening!!

[bizi]

hi moose,
Have you ever tried geodon?
I like it alot and really seems to prevent me from going manic...and I have not had any psychosis in a very long time. no weight gain was a big factor in trying it as well.
now if I could jsut sleep better!

I am sorry about your school....do you have special considerations at school?
504 or something like htat, extra time to take tests...etc.
bizi

[Moose72]

hi bizi. No I haven't tried geodon. Is that like abilify?

No special school considerations. What would they be, exactly?

Still up. I swear ... these little bugs!! They are on my skin and in my teeth and my throat....

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. At least I have someone to listen to me. BF may not understand my BP (he thinks its all about being wildly manic - running off miles away or starting up buisinesses in other countries-), but today he at least let me talk and then said he loves me.

[bizi]

Did you try abilify before?
geodon is in the family of atypical antipsychotics, kind of like a tranquilizer of sorts. to slow down your thinging and should help with the mild psychosis it sounds like you are experiencing.
bizi

[Moose72]

I did try Abilify- back in January. It made me unable to stop moving- whatever that is called. Rare side effect. So opposite of a tranquilizer! It was like being manic in terms of "speed" but not really in terms of psychosis. Never been on geodone. They were talking about changing my meds but I said no not with me in school but now it seems school is being affected anyway. BF and I are in fights the last two days. Its hard to take me time when I have other responsibilities and I just don't always know when its okay to do just me rather than everything else. I end up feeling guilty or made to feel like an unmotivated person. That's what BF and I were fighting about- whether or not he can put up with me when I get this way- or worse. Anyway, not to type it all here, but we seem okay right now. But the last several days have been bad. Not to mention the itches! I did call the bipolar study people today and I'm pretty much set for that. That will be cool to be included in a study about bipolar and genes! Its going to be a couple 1/2 day sessions and then after that, just a survey every year. They pay $150 so that's pretty good for essentially one day.

I just called the psych. dr and left a message for the nurse to call me about my sudden depression and these dang itches! The person who answered said "You think you're having an allergic reaction to the medication?" Uh- no. I haven't changed meds at all in AGES or soap or laundry detergent.... grr. And yeah- in my throat. Anyway we'll see what happens. Thanks for "listening" and reply, Bizi.

[Moose72]

Psych dr. wants to see me relatively soon, but wouldn't say much about the itches except to call my primary dr! So I just left a message for the nurse about it. UGH.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by Moose72

TJ thanks.

My period was 2 1/2 weeks ago and seemed normal for a period not on hormones- i.e. heavy, longer, compared to on Mirena IUD. What are the other symptoms of perimenopause? I stayed home today but I'm afraid I'll have to drop out of school if I don't go all the time. The itching is still there even after benedryl. I did notice that I was very tearful the day before my period started this last time. if I go to my pdoc she might up my doses and that's what I don't want. At least I am still taking my Depakote- sometimes I get so manic that I simply don't take it! Abilify didn't work last time when I was seeing things - it just made me SO hyper. One of the rare side effects- or rather, couldn't sit still. OMG this itching is maddening!!

Hey Moose... Did you recently have the IUD removed... It could be your body adjusting to the loss of hormones as well.... Here is a link to a site that explains perimenopause...http://www.lifescript.com/channels/h...imenopause.asp

I understand not wanting to take new meds with all of the possible side effects that would be difficult to handle and take classes...

I hope you are feeling better today...

TJ

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by skeeweeaka

Hey Moose... Did you recently have the IUD removed... It could be your body adjusting to the loss of hormones as well.... Here is a link to a site that explains perimenopause...http://www.lifescript.com/channels/h...imenopause.asp

I understand not wanting to take new meds with all of the possible side effects that would be difficult to handle and take classes...

I hope you are feeling better today...

TJ

Thank you. I do feel some better. BF suggested maybe I am having PMS. My dad asked if I'd been taking my brain meds. The answer to both should be: I haven't changed anything. Only thing is that I did get the Mirena removed which gave me a period 28 days after its removal; I was very tearful the day before it started. Today is about 2 1/2 weeks since my period. If all goes like it USED to, then my period might be a week and a half from now- usued to be 12 days after ovulation. We'll see.

My dad also suggested I might audit anatomy as I took on a lot to chew at once and then retake it next semester alone if I can. Then at least I don't feel stupid or guilty.

[bizi]

Your dad made a great suggestion for you!
bizi

[Moose72]

taking the zyprexa or whatever it is still. Talking with my dad always helps! He knows me from WAY back ya know. I think when I see my social worker is when I'm supposed to see if there's a spot with my pdoc. Could someone just give me back a massage? I mean, isn't that worth a few anti-crazy drugs?

Time for

[bizi]

good luck today!
bizi

[GeneticlyBipolar1]

Hey ladies, I told my story on FEELING CRAZED and IS IT JUST ME ?

But I got a question, I didn't really either : Have my bipolar surface, or It get real bad until after I had my first child, I have 2 now. Even though I recall some bipolar behavior when I look back, happening B4 I had ever had a child.
But you think bipolar can be triggered or progressed by childbirth, and\or pregnancy ?

[GeneticlyBipolar1]

Hey Everyone,
I'm back, couldn't sleep tonight, actually I'm excited believe it or not, my evaluation is in the morning. I know I will be diagnosed as Bi-P for sure. So I am hopeful that all this CRAP I have been like will cease, and won't continue to cover up who I am , my temper, my mixed episodes, the shame after some of it, and just the overall guilt that it carries. Lately between me and my husband, it seems that now he won't even give me his real opinion about certain things just because he doesn't want me to get upset, and not drop it, and thats uncool. I must admit that when we argue sometimes, I almost always go too far, especially with things I say. I don't think long enough. I just react mostly. Even outside the marriage, if something goes wrong I am taken so hard. And I just wanna chill, and not get SOOOOO upset all the time. I don't know if either of you have experienced any of this. Anyway, what do you all think they may start me out on , MEDS wise ? And which ones have the most side effects ? And how cool is it being on the MEDS then before you were on MEDS ?

Thanks for listening .

Genetic