[Keirelle]

I tried.

I went to the mental health clinic today. They said there is a 6 week minimum wait, and for those 6 weeks you need to take courses every wednesday afternoon. Which I cannot do because I need to work and wouldn't get paid for those afternoons, therefore not being able to pay rent. They said they would 'try to work something out, but taking those classes is the expected route in order to get a pdoc".

Well I left there, and had a meltdown. I am desperate for someone to just help me. I may not be bipolar, but whatever this is is far more involved than just taking antidepressants and suddenly all will be fine.

They found me crying in some extra room they had there and sent me up to ER, hoping I would get into see a pdoc there.

No such luck. Despite seeing a social worker, the psych nurse and the ER doc, I never did get to see the pdoc on call. The Er doc was NASTY and basically told me this was my own fault for not taking my celexa properly. I tried to explain to her it hadn't been working and I wanted something else, so i was going of it on my own, hoping to be able to start something else by the time I got a doc.

She just said there is nothing wrong with you other than you aren't correctly taking your meds (after saying she, the social worker, psych nurse and the on call pdoc had met up). I got angry and said I CAN'T take those meds. They are making me sick everyday, I get horrible headaches, have blurry vision (despite just being tested and having 20/20 vision) and numerous other problems.

I work in a preschool. all those side effects, plus trying to fake happy is just not good for one's health.

Anyway, the doc just walked out and after a few minutes the psych nurse came back and just asked hw i got there (cab) and she said she'd show me where the phones were. So basically get out, we aren't helping you.

I don't know what else to do. Where I am living, there just are no other options. And I guess since I am not threatening to jump off the bridge, then they don't care.

I haven't even eaten today and it is already 2am the NEXT morning. I have just laid here in my bed feeling like no one will ever listen.

What am I supposed to do now?

[cantstopcrying]

I am so sorry--I just now saw this post. That is terrible that they treated you like that. Is there another hospital you can go to? I would stay on them about attending the classes on Wednesdays. They have to realize you have to continue to function. If another hospital isn't an option, what about catholic social services? They offer counselling on a sliding fee scale. Please keep posting here, look at the stickys for resources and pm any of us if you want/need to.

[daggy]

Keirelle

First of don't ever feel like your alone in situations like the one you have , there are literally thousands of people that go through the same thing you went through every day and sadly they usually come out with the same result.
And there are thousands of people that have been through it and have the their wisdom to share not to mention support and friendship , if you can find someone close enough.

It is unfortunate that it takes so long not to mention uncomfortable unbearable and all the other things you can think of plus on the rare and very rare occasion not their fault.

I know all this probably isn't very helpful as your sitting there but I hope it might.

[Slothrop]

So infuriating to hear this kind of thing...didn't these people ever hear about compassion?? Sorry you had to go through this.

It makes me realize how "lucky" I was, getting in to see a psychiatrist WITHOUT anyone being rude to me...but I still had to wait those 6 weeks! What kind of system is this? It's like, if you aren't bleeding, you aren't really sick...and sometimes even when you ARE bleeding, you aren't really sick....

Have they tried any other antidepressants? Sheesh, at least they could do that....

[multipixie9]

keirelle,

i am so sad for the way you are being treated. they are not listening and they are being cold-hearted jerks!!!!

please do pm us and post on here and take what comfort from that you can.

i had just one other thought, how about going on amazon.com or whatever you have like that where you live, looking for psych self-help books. you may find something online that you can read and try to help yourself until you can get into to see the pdoc.

also, please do the best you can to eat, sleep and exercise the best you can while you wait. i know you are suffering, i've suffered with some problems for a long time myself, but being good to yourself is as important as getting in to see a pdoc.

i had to learn to get off my own back and stop being so hard on myself (i'm still learning this!!! ) KEIRELLE, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! i care and so do others here at pc.com. call on us and let us support you.

[ExiExi]

Keirelle,

I can relate to your story and I know how it feels to be turned down. Some people can be cruel. But you never know what makes them act that way - I like to think they are just scared and frustated about what you ask them for, but most likely they are ignorant - which is why I never put blame on them.

If you could relax a little and try again with this mental health clinic - that would be great, - maybe there are some other workers who could help or at least tell you where else to turn for help. Or you could write them an email if talking in person causes too much stress.
Maybe ask preschool counsellor (if there is one) for advice - they usually have good connections.
You could call emergency line and ask them where to turn - they are supposed to give such info!

THERE ARE ALWAYS OPTIONS! Please, explore every possibility and YOU WILL find warmth and support!

[MSUKate]

im sorry to hear your troubles. the only thing i can t hink of is to try to find other docs. And as for them berating you for going off meds, you should ask them, is it better if i can't see and hit someone in my car?

I bet that would get their attention.

I hope you can get the help you need.

[miastella]

I'm so sorry they did this to you --- you were being honest and forthright about your needs and should have been respected for that. Right now, as you gathered, mental health care is at the bottom of the food chain. That is soon to end, because parity was recently signed in by the senate. What that means, which doesn't help now, is that mental health issues will become equal with other physical health issues and they will have to treat you properly. I didn't get your state, but, if other community services can't help, like Catholic Charities, and worse comes to worse, call 911 and tell them you are a danger to yourself or others. It's a time honored way to get help if you feel overwhelmed. It's not a lie; you are a danger if you are going to try to commit suicide, drive while experiencing terrible symptoms or loose your job because your going to have a break down at work. Sometimes, if say, other community agencies can't get you the support you need, you have to bend the rules a little. They aren't fair and they aren't safe. You need to be safe. You are important. You aren't alone ---please post again and tell us what's going on.

[Berries]

That is such utter ****!!! You don't deserve this!!!
Please, keep trying though. Don't give up. Please.
People do care. A lot of people. I do and so does eveyone else here.
Maybe if you talked to your boss, she would understand more than you think? At least, you wouldn't have to pretend everything is OK. That takes so much energy.
I agree, go back to that clinic and ask again for the help that you need. Explain again your work restricitons. Squeeky wheels do get the most attention.
And go to the ER at a different time of day. You might get diferent docs, nurses, and social workers on a different shift.
Some people do not care or understand mental stuff. But others DO!!
Keep trying. Even when it's hard, it's worth it. You are worth it.

[SkippyMI]

That all sounds so familiar! We went through similar with my wife. She kept going into community mental health(there are no private therapists in our small town) and they repeatedly(for 2 years) refused to allow her to see a psychiatrist. They kept telling her she was just a drunk and needed to go to rehab before they'd allow her to see a pdoc. The local ER ignored her on too many visits there and also labelled her as just a drunk. Granted she was alcohol dependent at the time and self-medicating, but it was part of the disorder. She was even arrested for DUI(eventhough she wasn't driving...drunk in a parked car) and charged with assaulting a police officer and resisting as she was having a schizo episode and thought they were aliens. The understanding, awareness, and compassion toward mental illness by law enforcement, ER personnel, and community mental health(here anyway) is deplorable and disgusting! We finally found a private pdoc and therapist an hour and a half away after we realized the people locally that were supposed to be helping us were actually doing more harm than good.

I hope you find your way through the quagmire to competent and compassionate help, but I wouldn't count on it coming through community mental health or the ER dept. Best of luck.
Skip

[Moose72]

Are you only on Celexa? Upping my Celexa is why they figured out I'm bipolar- it sent me into a manic episode.

Either way, if you are bipolar and think you need to be seriously seen at the psych. ER, they must see you, as far as I know. You went to the regular ER? Were they busy that night? Did you go to the psych ER? The psych. ER really is for people who are talking about killing themselves, basically. Either that or someone else. There may be other reasons to go, but that's what they always ask when you call. I've called when I've been in a mixed or manic episode and was afraid of doing somethig really weird or when I kept wanting to drive my car with kids into oncoming traffic. Will your regular pdoc not see you?

As for what you can do now, you can go to a DIFFERENT ER, talk to your regular pdoc about your meds (why only celexa if bipolar for one), and eat on a regular basis. That alone would give me headaches- not eating often enough. Also can make you more moody- that and lack of sleep.

Come back and let us know how you're doing.

[Martina]

Oh, hun, I am so sorry for all you have to go through.

I wish it wasn't so hard to GET HELP when you so desperately need it. They make it so difficult, it's no wonder people go without finding help for so many years.

I finally tried to get help 3 years ago, when I thought it was severe postpartum depression. I started calling for appointments when she was 2 months old. My insurance had a very small list of people I could see, even though I was in a large city. I called every single number on the list. Most had at least a 6-8 week wait, several were not accepting new patients, period. My income was *barely* to high to use the low-income clinics, but even there it was a 2 month wait. And no one was open after-hours, and I worked full-time.

I just gave up. I thought if it was postpartum, it would go away, right?

Two months later, I was falling off the deep end. I started calling. This time I actually took an appointment for 6 weeks later. I finally got in to see someone in February, my daughter was 6 months old. I saw a pdoc for about 15 minutes, after which he prescribed Celexa (ironic!) and told me to see him again in a MONTH. They also got me an appointment with a LCSW. I had to bring my baby because I had no daycare. She was "uncomfortable" doing a therapy session with a baby in the room. She tried to get a background from me, but basically did nothing.

Between then and my next appointment (a MONTH later...), all hell broke loose. At this point in my life, I didn't know all the signs of Bipolar. I always thought Mania = Psychosis. No one told me all the other stuff, especially not the doc who prescribed me antidepressants. I was calling in sick to work, but still spending all day as if I was at work. Binging on food like crazy. Spending money like it grows on trees. And the sex crap... I was not myself. In all that craziness, I lost my job because my husband showed up on Valentine's Day to surprise me, I had called in sick, I was at a motel with some guy I met off the internet and didn't even know his name. I was a mess.

Anyway...with that job, I lost my benefits. So I had a new insurance to deal with. I started calling for appointments and got the long waits, even when I told them it was urgent. One day, I drove myself up to the psychiatric hospital and told them I needed help. I was highly suicidal, but also having thoughts of harming my own baby. I didn't tell them about those thoughts, because I was too scared they would lock me up forever and take my baby from me. But I told them I was suicidal. I even told them all the crazy stuff I had been doing, and that I wasn't myself, and that I was on Celexa and taking it exactly as prescribed.

They turned me away. Sent me home to "watch a funny movie" and got me an appointment a WEEK later with a psychiatric nurse.

I went to that nurse. I told her all the crazy stuff I did. She NEVER ONCE mentioned Bipolar to me at all. Prescribed Effexor. Then after only four visits, she said "I don't know how to help you" and I never heard from her again. She never refilled my prescription, never offered a referral, never returned my calls. I had to go off Effexor cold turkey.

After that I gave up on getting help at all. I just thought it wasn't worth all that hassle when they don't even help you at all.

I did fine in 2007. But early this year...things spun out of control again.

I started trying to find a shrink here around February. Got the same deal as before, 8 week waits, not accepting new patients. I got in to see the only Psychologist in town in March. First session went well. Second session....went beyond okay. Sexual harrassment. That guy was a creep.

But then - finally - FINALLY - I found the psychiatric nurse practitioner that I am working with now. She has been a GODSEND to me, she saved my life, she is so amazing. After all the hell I went through to get help, it has finally paid off.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to say...I am so sorry that the system is so f'd up right now. Keep trying and trying until you can get the help you need. Eventually, I hope you can find your perfect pdoc/therapist that will help you turn your life around.

When I was in the hospital in June, I concocted a really big plan. Yes, it was a "grandiose thought," but one of these days I want to make it a reality. I wrote it all on napkins in my ER room a day after a suicide attempt. My plan is to create a 711 system for mental health services. Combine an emergency/suicide hotline with a non-emergency hotline where all you have to do is call, say "I need help," and they GET YOU THE HELP YOU NEED without you having to go through all this ***** to get help. They call the insurance, they make the appointments, they cut through the red tape, then simply call you back and tell you when and where to show up. There would also be an online system, 711.org, to do the same thing - you type in your information, they do all the work and get you the appointments. There is follow-up to see if treatment is going well, and if not, they help you find someone else. There's more...but this is already too long! Suffice it to say, my dream is that one day NO ONE has to go through all this to get help, NO ONE.

You wouldn't expect someone with a broken arm to use that same broken arm to put a splint on themselves, would you? So why expect someone with a mental illness in an urgent (but not crisis) situation to use their compromised brain to handle all the steps it takes to get help?