[angelonthemoon25]

My husband and I have been married for four years now and together for five. Over the years I have always been moody and over the years it just got worse and worse. Well a month ago I finally went to a pdoc that diagnosed me with bipolar after all the other docs I had went to over the years just said I was depressed and nothing ever helped. Well, things will be fine between me and my husband and then one day we will fight and he will think I am doing everything on purpose, act like bipolar is something I know how to control (I'm working on it, but as of now I feel helpless) and blames all of our problems on me and says that I have a lot more issues than just that. Well I realize I have issues and that is why I am going to a pdoc, have an appt to see a tdoc this week and we are scheduling marriage counseling next week. Really there isn't a whole lot more I can do. I am trying so hard and I love him...but lately I don't feel in love with him...and my mind has been wondering to other men...is that normal? I've never had those thoughts before. I want to do something crazy I want to feel that rush I haven't felt in so long. I love my husband, but its obvious that he is tired of my problems and I just want fire and passion. He loves me, God I know he does, he shows me, but then the next day all our problems are because of me. I need a reality check, what the hell is going on with me?

[skymonk]

You sound like me for the past year of my life, except I'm not married. If your hubby isn't willing to be there for you or to learn about your disease, then maybe it's best to seperate for a while&work on the marriage counseling. Everything is NOT ALL YOUR FAULT! Just because you're bp doesn't mean he shouldn't care or act as if it's not HIS problem-you're married&that means that you're in this together no matter how hard it is. It's tough to get the bp diagnosis&hopefully things can work out for you. I don't know where I stand right now, but I do know that I'm on disability&don't have the money to support myself. I'm looking for a job&possibly a new life. Good luck!

[angelonthemoon25]

Thank you so much for the support and the reply. We start marriage counseling in a week and a half and I am praying to God and anyone else that is listening that it works because I don't want to lose my marriage over this. I love my husband, but right now we both hate who I've become and that I think scares both of us...it crazy, I just feel like someone else but I really hope this works. Tommorow is my first day of actual therapy for myself so I'm hoping it goes well, but still very nervous. Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it. Take care.

[JHarmon]

I hope you and your husband are still doing OK. I am also Bipolar, so I kinda know what you're going through. It may be different for you than for me, because I'm a guy, but anyhow. I will be praying for you and your marriage. Take care and stay under docs care. It really helps.
BTW if you need someone to talk to as a friend you can message me here on Psychcentral.

[adamsgirl]

Originally Posted by angelonthemoon25

My husband and I have been married for four years now and together for five. Over the years I have always been moody and over the years it just got worse and worse. Well a month ago I finally went to a pdoc that diagnosed me with bipolar after all the other docs I had went to over the years just said I was depressed and nothing ever helped. Well, things will be fine between me and my husband and then one day we will fight and he will think I am doing everything on purpose, act like bipolar is something I know how to control (I'm working on it, but as of now I feel helpless) and blames all of our problems on me and says that I have a lot more issues than just that. Well I realize I have issues and that is why I am going to a pdoc, have an appt to see a tdoc this week and we are scheduling marriage counseling next week. Really there isn't a whole lot more I can do. I am trying so hard and I love him...but lately I don't feel in love with him...and my mind has been wondering to other men...is that normal? I've never had those thoughts before. I want to do something crazy I want to feel that rush I haven't felt in so long. I love my husband, but its obvious that he is tired of my problems and I just want fire and passion. He loves me, God I know he does, he shows me, but then the next day all our problems are because of me. I need a reality check, what the hell is going on with me?

I can totally relate to how you feel. I am bipolar and relationships can be hard. It is very easy for the partner who is not bipolar to blame every issue or problem in the relationship on the disease. Hopefully counseling will help your husband understand what you are going through. It is normal to want fire and passion in your relationship---but don't do something in the moment that you will regret later. Also it is very difficult for our loved ones to deal with mental illness. Your husband is still there willing to go to counseling and fight for your relationship.