[Brett]

I'm new to this board and have been newly dignosised with bipolar disorder. I've lost several jobs and I guess have been a huge burden to my wife. We are still married but she is on her last nerve with my mood swings. The new medication they put me on seems to wirk somewhat bu I still can't get a good nights sleep or get rid if the paraniod thoughts along with the racing thoughts. This weird bipolar thing has really got me going in circles as to what to do and I am in serious fear of loosing my wife. She's been a best friend, supportive companion, and lover. This is a frightning moment in my life.

Also, how do you get into the chat rooms??

Thank you,
Brett

[nothemama8]

Have you thought of having your wife go to your T. appt with you so they can explain what is happening
Angie

[vacantangel]

Hi Brett, welcome aboard. I'm fairly new here too. Glad you found your way here. Can't help you with the chat room, never been in it yet myself. Actually, can't help you with the marriage part either, my BP didn't surface until long after my divorce. I think the suggestion you already got to take your wife with you to therapy might help her to understand. Even though I'm not married, I do have a lot of problems retaining relationships of any kind. BP certainly can take a lot out of you and those that are in your life, that's for sure. I hope things get better for you soon. There's a board here for relationships, maybe you'll find some answers there. I haven't explored that board at all though. Good luck and keep posting. We'll keep listening.

[SpazKatt]

HI brett I'm sorry to hear, *hugs* I can help with chat I THINK...at the top click on chat and it SHOULD let you right in.. if not click on the link to install java, then after that you should be able to join us!. welcome!!!

[TheCheshireCat]

Hullo Brett,
Welcome. Unfortunately for me, your worst-case scenario came true. My wife of nine years just couldn't deal with my BPD and bailed out after two years of treatments. When I look back now, I think that bringing her into the therapy process would have been a huge help. I think, right up until the night she left, she really didn't understand what I was trying to cope with, and thought the medicines would make it go away like a flu bug. The inability to communicate that this illness brings makes things particularly dicey. I know many of my reactions to things she said or did hurt her. I only wish I could have communicated better that I really wasn't in control of my brain chemistry, and the hurt was unintentional. I'd suggest you take action on the therapy front as soon as you can. The longer the misunderstandings go on, the greater the resentment becomes, I think. I really empathize with you. My marriage was the most important thing in my life, and in two short years a wonderful relationship was in shambles. Ironically, I just posted a poem on Creative about the first kiss between my ex-wife and I when we were at university. And yes, I still miss her everyday, even though we divorced in 1998. I think the others are spot on: with a good therapist as a facilitator, I think you can potentially avoid many of the pitfalls that did in my own marriage. Cheshire Cat

[h0kie]

My husband has a form of dissociation and I've been with him at most of his doc and t appointments and I would recommend it.

We both get to hear what the professional says. I keep him "honest", there is no looking through things with rose colored glasses, and it helps me too.

If you are truly a couple, you are a team. You need to do things as a team. Private sessions are ok...we have an agreement that hubby can tell me to leave or not to come at any time and I will respect that.

Feel free to pm me if you have more questions.

[Brett]

My wife goes to some of my therapy sessions. Unfortunately she is exhausted over my mood swings and me being a horses butt to her when I'm manic. I wish I could change that fact but it's hard when your brain is going a hundred miles an hour.

Brett

[h0kie]

Is there a way for her to get some time alone? When hubby was making me nuts I was able to visit my parents and have some time away from him. It made things easier to deal with when I returned. Most of the time this was just an afternoon thing or a trip to the grocery store. Gives both of you time to destress.

[Brett]

She gets a little time to herself now and then; but I tend to get all paranoid thinking she's out having an affair. I don't know why I get those feelings, but I do. I caight some rather intense sex talk between her and some other guy awhile back on the computer and kind of sticks in my stomach. What do you think I should do?

[h0kie]

I'm the same way, and I'm not bipolar Brett.

Of course, my hubby relapsed and cheated on me (he was dissociating at the time). So I have a basis for paranoia. He allows me that insecurity. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, and other times it's all I can think about.

My advice...talk to her. Especially about what you overheard.

I've been honest with my hubby...even if its stuff he didn't like hearing.

[Cockney]

Hi,

I have to say, from my experience, that if you are still getting racing thoughts and bad sleep your meds aren't right. One of the things with the early stages of treatment is that you can easily expect too little. You have to be really determined not to stop until you have a manageable situation. My wife and my doctor have taught me that over the past 8 years.

Also it takes time to get the meds right and even when they are right your body might fight them a bit and change as well so they have to be adjusted.

Enough on the meds. The other thing is you HAVE to ask your wife to come to psych sessions. Not so she can get an explanation for your - dare I say - less than optimal behavior - but so she gets to have some input into the process. She is objective and can tell the doc you're not ok (even if you often say you are)...

My marriage - I dunno. Might make it - I keep trying but I've been a real **** along the way so we'll see. Takes a while and you gotta be strong and ask her to help and also acknowledge the strain it puts on her..

Best of luck mate!!