[Beautiful_Disaster]

I had my first pdoc appointment yesterday. It went well I suppose. He said that I obviously have a lot of anxiety ... however he doesn't see were I'm depressed. Because my answers to the questions like 1) fatigued nearly every day? 2) thoughts of suicide 3) feelings of worthlessness --- were NO

He said that anyone with my current situations like ---
1) blended family
2) custody battle with bf POS ex wife
3) and just raising 3 children (2 of which are not mine)

--would be stressed out. I just do not handle stress as well as some can and do. I usually act in anger or irritability.

He said that I had visible anxiety right then
1) fidgeting
2) twirling my hair constantly
3) and biting on the inside of my cheeks

Which are all things that I know I do when nervous/anxious. However I'm not completely aware that I'm doing it. And when he pointed it out it made me more anxious, cause I was trying NOT to then lol!

He also said that I am very paranoid and obsessive about the bf's intentions. Maybe it has to do with not trusting men or people in general. In relation to my upbringing.

So in the end there were no definitive answers. However he did have me take this true or false questionnaire of 300 questions! He did tell me the name of it but it was a mouth full and I don't remember what it was. He also called it by it's abbreviation and I don't remember that either. But this questionnaire is meant to diagnose or test for mental/mood disorders. In my case bipolar. However I'm really hoping that it will test for other things as well.

Oh and he wants me to come back June 4th (too far away) and discuss what he thinks about the results. So I have at least another 2 weeks before I can even begin meds, which I KNOW I need. I just need to know for what condition!

[BNLsMOM]

Hang in there, and reach out to us when you need to. My first pdoc appointment is June 11 and there have been times when I didn't think I was going to make it. I just keep bugging everyone here instead.

I am sure that now that you have been to his office at least once that if you feel you are in crisis you can call them for help.

You'll make it.

I think I've taken that test before when I had my psych evaluation. I can't remember the name of it though. It looks for a variety of possible diagnoses.

[Amazonmom]

Oh my goodness, that is a long time to wait! Hang on, and vent to us when needed! I am not a pdoc, but I am confused about why he is letting you live with the high anxiety until June and giving you no ways to cope with it....be it meds or otherwise!

[Beautiful_Disaster]

Thank you all for your support. Like today ... I'm just so frazzled and on edge. But I am also exhausted ... and all I've done today is work out (my usual Mon, Wed and Fri routine) and set in my beautician's chair for 3 hours. And right now I feel like I could sleep for hours. It's ridiculous! I hate being this aggravated and tense all the time.

To make matters worse ... my bf, while supportive made the worst comment I think he could have made this morning. He said "I wonder if it's just that you have anger problems and nothing more. There may not be anything wrong with you at all other than anger issues and you just don't know how to cope and are just a mean ***** when angry". WTH kind of crap is that ... coming from someone who couldn't even complete a simple task like washing the dishes before Adderall XR????? I'm so angry ...

Anyway ... I agree I need something now to take the edge off. But the doctor I am seeing is a psychologist (because I don't want to be over medicated by a psychiatrist) ... then after a diagnosis I will go to my trusted doctor for meds.

Do you all think I should try to get my doc to give me something now to relieve some of this tension? I'm really tempted to ... I just don't want to get on something that may contradict my treatment plan if I am bipolar ... you know.

[Beautiful_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Beautiful_Disaster

coming from someone who couldn't even complete a simple task like washing the dishes before Adderall XR?????

After reading over my post ... it kind of sounded as though I was belittling ADHD. I am not .... just trying to make the point that the bf obviously deals with a mental condition that he cannot control and turned to a much needed medication to treat. Then he tells me that nothing is wrong I just need to learn not to fly off. Very contradicting is all.

I don't know if anyone took it that way. If so, I apologize.