[BNLsMOM]

I am having a hard time figuring out what my true feelings are and what my illness is. I spent most of the winter in a depression. That is clear to me, but now that I am no longer depressed, I can't tell if I am hypomanic or just in a good mood.

I feel good. I have energy. I have started working out and eating right again. I want to start in on projects but I am afraid that I will abandon them when I get depressed again.

Is it silly to question this? Should I just enjoy, but be aware if anything changes?

Ackkk! What is real anymore?

[suze999]

Isn't it funny that we have to question our happiness? I know exactly what you mean, though. I was in a funk all winter, usually am in the winter, and as soon as I was waking to a little bit of daylight and some things started blooming, my world was okay again. I'm out gardening a bit, taking walks a bit, having some really good days (not today, alas). My pdoc mentioned a couple of years back that he thought there was a seasonal component to my depression, and it was really obvious when it lifted this year. Maybe you can just let it go for now, wait and see if other symptoms come up or ask someone to let you know if you're seeming off.

don't worry be happy

[Amazonmom]

Ya know what? It's okay to be happy. I don't think working out and eating right is a bipolar indicator . Of course most normal people don't work out and eat right...so maybe it is .... just kidding.

It's okay to have things you want to do. For instance, I would like to rip out the ugly bushes alongside my house and replace them with bulbs. I believe normal people do this sort of thing. Now if I wanted to repave the driveway, mow the lawn, replant all the flowerbeds, and remove the trees in my lawn in one weekend, that might be manic.

If you are worried, try to remember your upswing pattern. When I get worried and anxious about EVERYTHING, I know it's hypomania time. If I act like I have had three cups of coffee when I know I haven't had any...it's a little bit of hypomania time. Apparently I appear really happy to others, but I don't feel happy really.

Do you have a T? Two weeks after my diagnosis I was crying that I thought everything I loved in life was a disease and had to be flushed down the toilet, and my life would be an empty boring waste of time. My T said if that turns out to be so, she will find me the toilet. She said she really doubts that she will have to do so. She will help me.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I am having a hard time figuring out what my true feelings are and what my illness is. I spent most of the winter in a depression. That is clear to me, but now that I am no longer depressed, I can't tell if I am hypomanic or just in a good mood.

I feel good. I have energy. I have started working out and eating right again. I want to start in on projects but I am afraid that I will abandon them when I get depressed again.

Is it silly to question this? Should I just enjoy, but be aware if anything changes?

Ackkk! What is real anymore?

[BNLsMOM]

Amazonmom,
It's like I want to do all sorts of things...but I am worried that if I commit to them that I will end up depressed and just leave them all half done. It's usually when I start a million things that I get frustrated because I suddenly realize that I can't do them all. That makes me depressed. Maybe I am trying to stave off the depression by avoiding that trigger?

Here's what I am thinking...I am running a half marathon in October (must have been manic when I signed up for that one) so I want to train for that, I want to pull down all the wallpaper in my house and finish the redecorating, get the garden in, plant shrubs outside... I know that these are all normal things to do, but I feel like I have to hurry up and get them all done right away. I think that is the hypomanic part.

I don't know... I am so in my head all the time that when someone "gets in my way" or asks me to slow down I get very angry.

So right now, I am feeling good, but I worry about those things...

I don't even think my post is making sense right now.

I do have a T and I will be seeing him with my husband on Saturday and on my own Monday.

[Amazonmom]

Your post makes perfect sense. I have been there myself in a way.

Usually when I get to where the ideas are just filling my head and making me anxious, I force myself to pick one or two things to work on at a time. That's it. No exceptions. Then I don't seem to progress to the overriding anxiety stage. It just fizzles out. It's not that easy to do though.

It seems like you have a good support system in place. I hope your T sessions help you out.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

Amazonmom,
It's like I want to do all sorts of things...but I am worried that if I commit to them that I will end up depressed and just leave them all half done. It's usually when I start a million things that I get frustrated because I suddenly realize that I can't do them all. That makes me depressed. Maybe I am trying to stave off the depression by avoiding that trigger?

Here's what I am thinking...I am running a half marathon in October (must have been manic when I signed up for that one) so I want to train for that, I want to pull down all the wallpaper in my house and finish the redecorating, get the garden in, plant shrubs outside... I know that these are all normal things to do, but I feel like I have to hurry up and get them all done right away. I think that is the hypomanic part.

I don't know... I am so in my head all the time that when someone "gets in my way" or asks me to slow down I get very angry.

So right now, I am feeling good, but I worry about those things...

I don't even think my post is making sense right now.

I do have a T and I will be seeing him with my husband on Saturday and on my own Monday.

[Rebound]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

Amazonmom,
It's like I want to do all sorts of things...but I am worried that if I commit to them that I will end up depressed and just leave them all half done. It's usually when I start a million things that I get frustrated because I suddenly realize that I can't do them all. That makes me depressed. Maybe I am trying to stave off the depression by avoiding that trigger?

Here's what I am thinking...I am running a half marathon in October (must have been manic when I signed up for that one) so I want to train for that, I want to pull down all the wallpaper in my house and finish the redecorating, get the garden in, plant shrubs outside... I know that these are all normal things to do, but I feel like I have to hurry up and get them all done right away. I think that is the hypomanic part.

I don't know... I am so in my head all the time that when someone "gets in my way" or asks me to slow down I get very angry.

So right now, I am feeling good, but I worry about those things...

I don't even think my post is making sense right now.

I do have a T and I will be seeing him with my husband on Saturday and on my own Monday.

I think you have a legitimate concern. I find it all but impossible to tell the difference until it's blatantly obvious. But you said you have a husband and hopefully he can identify if your behaviour crosses that line. I'm basically saying that at least in my case, I'm not able to evaluate my own behaviour at all; I don't have anyone right now who can keep an eye on me, but when I did, it helped a lot.

With all that having been said, I would say to enjoy it while it lasts, just bearing in mind the possibility.

[suze999]

Maybe it's just where I live in the deep South, but I think everyone here is in a rush in the spring to get all the outdoor stuff, and stuff that need windows open (carpet cleaning or things requiring steam like wallpaper removal) done in the small window of time we have before summer sets in. In the last six weeks, I've put in my annuals, seriously hacked back some ancient azaleas, hand-trimmed the decorative grass, pulled up a few square feet of very overgrown ivy and planted a small flower garden, diddled finding a good location for my bird/squirrel/raccoon feeder , and I hope to tackle the carpet cleaning in the next few days (if only there was a "resigned to my fate" smilie...). I don't feel manic doing these things, just have a big to-do list if I'm going to enjoy summer. And I'm finishing these things, one thing at a time...well, it's yet to be seen if the carpets get cleaned, absolutely hate that job.

I'm not saying that you aren't feeling pressured because of mania -- but it really is possible that you have a lot to do and are irritated when people get in your way or try to medicalized your good mood. That's normal. I really hope that's all it is for you and your therapy appointments are helpful.