Any for ECT?? Can I have my cake & eat it too?

Hello dear ones, Sorry for the story...no short way to say it...
I have been diagnosed with the following acronyms: BPD, PTSD & Bipolar II.
I am unmedicated and suffering the consequences via self-injury etc. I have been off meds now for almost 6 years and was doing really well, maintaining myself and managing life and living, and was happy! I got married, my beautiful son came into my life, then I had my dearest darling daughter a little over a year ago. That's when my fragile world came crashing down in tiny little shards that got in deep. Second time in my life I have been this ill.
My depression is, at times, overwhelming, mostly distressing. My guilt and shame unfathamable. My anxiety and panic attacks are out of control. Psychosis intermittent. Disassociation, well, who knows cos I don't! Depersonalisation, who me?! Suicidal part of the time...but here I am.
My dilemma is my husband and I both want another baby. We don't have time to wait as my husband is a bit older in his mid-40's and wants to be able to enjoy our kids without being 'too old'. I've refused medication as I'm breastfeeding my daughter still. Yes, she's a year old and no longer 'needs' it, but I do. Knowing that I have to be 'here' in 4 hours time to feed her as helped me be here. I know I'll have to wean her eventually, but I fed my boy till he was 18 months old and plan to do the same for her (along with solids if anyone was wondering). I don't see the point of going on meds to come off them in a month or two so we can conceive again. So here's another down side...my boy is 3 now. He's not a baby, and is aware of my distress and inner turmoil and we now have behavioural problems with him, albeit minor ones, but I'm aware that I am having an effect on him. My heart broke tonight when he said that I scare him. I scare my boy. My beautiful angel, my gift from God, is scared of me. I never meant for this to be...
Do I sacrifice the potential life of one and go on the meds and not have any more children (which would gut me to the core and push me further), or do I try to get these public child counsellors to listen and help us and forge ahead with the plans my husband and I made when I was well, knowing as I do right now (as opposed to what I may be thinking in 2 minutes time) that I will be well again? Will ECT help me in temporary place of meds till our last child arrives? I love my children and my husband, they are my world, my everything. I want to give them my best, but they are getting my worst.
Going to throw up now.
Thanks for listening.
Hope your day has been kind to you...in peace,
k_p

KP,

This is a BIG one!! I was dx perimenopausal 2 months ago. I have had symptoms since I was 32. I am now 35. I have thyroid problems and the like. My son is 14 now and my partner and I (we have been together for 5 years) REALLY wanted to have a baby together. I have been told that if I am even able to conceive, it will likely kill me or damage my child. Very, very painful realisation. I am lucky that I had my son at such a young age or I may never have been able to have children! For you, do you take the bull by the horns and do it or hold off? I cannot answer that. There are many extenuating circumstances in your situation. I wish I could help you more as I really feel your dilemma.......

As for ECT, have you had it before? As far as I know it will only work in the depressive phases of Bipolar(Don't know about bipolarII) or chronic depression. I do not know enough about it.......

Sorry babe, haven't been very helpful, but I hope you get the answers that you need.......I am happy to talk more if you wish.....

ECT works well in suicidal depressed patients until the medications kick in. But ECT seems to have results for only 6 to 8 weeks. It is not a cure or long term remedy for mental illnesses.

Dear KP...

ECT does work in extremely depressed people, but then there is the part of ECT that you have to be on maintenance doses which means going in every week to have them...and they won't give them to you if you are pregnant because of the harm that it might do to the fetus...

if you truly want another baby, then you might have to have some counseling. it sounds like you had a bad bout of post-partum depression after your little girl was born. I also nursed my daughter until she was 16 months old, but I should have stopped sooner to take care of myself. It sounds like you should do the same and take some sort of medication along with counseling. It is very difficult to treat ppd unless you really want the help. I finally let go of nursing to get help for me. I was on antidepressants that helped very much, as well as counseling. It is a very good idea for you to get help. So your daughter doesn't get her nursing in, it won't hurt her to be put on regular food. You aren't denying her anything, you are trying to be a good mom. I know all the feelings about nursing/not nursing/being a good mom. I KNOW the pain it brings thinking about it. But if you want to be a good mom, get some help through counseling. Learn how to act appropriately in front of the kids. The diagnoses don't mean anything if you aren't willing to help yourself. And ECT won't help in the long run. It only helps in the short run. You have to WANT to get better, WANT to be the best mom you can be without scaring your children.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, I really didn't mean for it to sound that way. But sometimes we need to be brought up short for a time so we can once again focus on ourselves and get help for US so we can be there for our kids. I know. I've been where you are now. If you need help, you need help. There is no shame in that. You need to figure out what you need, and then acquire it no matter what. You owe it to yourself to get well. You do. Honest.

Jewels

Krazy Phoenix

Wow, you sound like me. So busy and so much to think about!

From my own personal experience with several rounds of ECT, it is generally used for severe depression. I found it extremely effective to bring me out of my "funk" immediately, until I could be stabilized on meds again.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck