[just2b]

I havent seen my t since Dec1st, and will see her Dec31st, and all I can do is call her voicemail, and if she answers, I hang up since i am not sure what to say. I am trying to journal but cant seem to get anything out on paper. Part of me hates her for having put all this time in between sessions, cause I am thinking maybe i am better off with out therapy. I don't feel connected to her at all anymore. I fear that this time away has done damage and I am not going to beable to get things back to were they would have been. I feel lost without her;yet I have been able to manage just fine without her. Calling her voicemail now. Well I left a message telling her what I am doing. (posting on a website) and that I feel I lost connection with her. When I do see her it will be like seeing someone for the first time, and I hate the feeling like starting over. I hate her for doing this! I keep thinking or feeling that if I had only done better, been a better client, done my DBT homework,done the things she asked, she would not have put me on DBT vacation. For the first time in a while I feel like self harming. But will take my meds and go to bed. thanks for letting me vent some and listening!

[horsecab]

I hope you keep going to therapy. It may seem like a long time till the 31st, but it will come quicker than you think. I think you can feel proud of yourself for going to bed and turning away from the harmful thoughts. That's a good sign of how much the therapy is helping. Don't be afraid to speak up to your t about your appointment times, she is there to help you!
Hang in there, you'll make it. You can always pm me if you need to vent some more.

[jeremiahgirl]

Hello my name is Jeremiahgirl; I too have bpd and understand the frustration with the dx and with therapist. I am in therapy; 5 days a week. Its an intense setting. Its group but i prefer one to one.

just recently we were told our directer was layed off; not because of the economy but because the company i guess didn't like her. They lost a gold mine there; but they didn't appreciate her kindness and love she had for the clients. We were that clients not patients! Well needless to say I was very upset and ragefull. I still miss my old T. Now the twist is our therapist in group took the directorship!!! which threw us again for a loop. Now I feel like we are being "baby sat" until we get yet another therapist. The constant change has at time caused me to lash out by " self harm" I hit myself with things. So i understand clearly your frustration. What I did was actually "write my old T a letter". Have you tried to write a letter with your feelings listed? I found it to really help me. Another idea is to write it but then tare it up; its just the idea of getting your anger or frustration out.

Well, I do hope the ideas help. another site i know of for bpd is:
www.borderlinepersonality.ca its very similar to this site, check it out when you have a chance. Bye JG+

[just2b]

Thanks, feeling a bit better today, yet it doesnt do much for the feelings of wanting to quite. I left her another message today. I hate that she will not call me back. I wish it did not have to come to this DBT vacation. I miss her and hope that I can feel the same way about our therapy when I return again.