[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

So I was diagnosed about 8 years ago with a long list of mental disorders. Hmm let's see, DID, schizophrenic, manic depressive, PTSD, bipolar and BPD. I decided to kind of self undiagnose myself if that makes any sense and decided I don't have PTSD or BPD. Last time I did this is was DID, and it's obvious that diagnosis was correct. (Yes therapists are the ones who diagnosed me and many therapists agree with the diagnosis.

Anyways, so I have been thinking all along I don't have BPD. I don't have impulse issues, I don't drink and drive, I don't take over night trips to Paris... But than I sit back and think about it, think about how many times I've had no money for food even yet I run out and charge $2,200 on a credit card on clothes and electronics. I've been doing this sort of thing for 3 months, I've been running from my problems, I live in my car now, have no money and I just can't stop. I know I'm running from all of my problems with my impulses but I can't face them. I can't own up to the fact that I have no money, no home and no job.

Anyways, I've been doing everything spur of the moment, without thinking about the consequence and if I do think about the consequence I just ignore it and I don't care, because facing my problems seems much harder than the consequences of my impulses. I know that's not real but it feels that way.

So now I'm thinking for the last 3 months I've maybe been going through a BPD episode, I go through all my mental disorders in episodes and I think this is a long one. But the point of this post is to ask, how do you come out of a 3 month episode? I see all the problems piled up that I was hiding from, new problems from my lack of concern with all things and I'm drowning out here. I can't figure out how to slow down and pick my life back up.

I go go go. I don't stop to think, when I do think I stop and go go go and spend spend spend. I can't live like this any more. I have no money and no job and I have been sleeping in my car for 3 months and I have a daughter I need to get better for. Any advice on how to get out of this rut? I need to slow down I just don't know how. Any advice would be much appreciated!

[NuckingFutz]

Everything points to mania from reading your post. If I were in your situation, I would go to the closest emergency room and tell them what you typed here. Why in the he11 would I do that? Because although you are not physically harming yourself, you are emotionally harming yourself. You are in what my pdoc refers to as "self distructive mode. You need professional evaluation. Probably some inpatient time as well so you can get help. I am sorry you are going through this right now. Will you please check in at the emergency room? If not for you, but for your daughter?

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Checking myself in sadly isn't an option. I left my husband 3 months ago because he was abusive and if I go to the hospital my daughter will end up with him and the last time she was with him he was making drugs and being really mean to her and neglecting her so I can't risk that. My medical is gone as well so I can't afford a therapist. I didn't realize I was in that place where I needed immediate attention... Thank you for you post, I knew I needed help and needed to stop but I didn't realize it was to the hospital point until now. Thank you for your post, it's opened my eyes now and I know I need to do something to fix this. But what do you do when therapists aren't an option at this time?

[Psyched]

Hi PFM,
I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. Is there a walk-in clinic where you could go to? I've been to those in emergencies when Pdocs weren't affordable or available. You will have to wait a long time ( I waited for 8 hours) & may not even be seen, so I recommend that you make an appt. if possible. It appears that you're in a bad manic state due to the stress you're experiencing, & you need to get your meds adjusted.
Good luck.