[PizzaFish]

Hey all,

I'm self-diagnosed with BPD (in the worst-case scenario) and recently took the first step in finding someone in my area who works with BPD patients. I emailed her a while ago and she responded but isn't taking anymore patients and has referred me to a partner therapist. However, now I am deathly scared of calling said partner therapist, even though I know I need this treatment. Part of it's because I hate talking to people on the phone in general -- I have become much better at it but have still a long way to go -- and part of it's because I am genuinely afraid of her being mean to me. I know that sounds so silly, but I have actually come close to crying once after an interview with an extremely snarky and judgmental HR manager, and I hate feeling like an incompetent loser. Right now I'm leaning towards not calling just to avoid that possibility...

[ECHOES]

Your thinking of her being mean to you is.. only your thinking. Thoughts are just thoughts.

You don't know the reality. (She may be excited and waiting for you to call, grateful to her partner therapist for the referrral.)

The only way to know how it will go is to make the call and then follow through (so hard when we want to avoid) and see how it does go.

Try not to scare yourself out of it by your thoughts that are about your fear, and not about reality (because you haven't spoken to the therapist yet).

Pushing through these times to do what it best for you is hard, but you can do it!

[tryingtobeme]

Pizza Fish, I 'm sorry you are feeling all this. I completly agree with Echos that these are just feelings and thoughs are just thoughts. Don't let your fear keep you from calling. I know that is very hard to do. I say call the T, tell her/him you are very scared and fearful. If they are a good T, they will still talk to you in a very kind manner and want to help you. Good T's are not snarky or mean or judgemental. If they are, then they are not a good T. At least that is what I think. You can do this and overcome this fear. Good luck.

[kashmir0]

first of all, there is no such thing as a ''self-diagnosis''. and second of all, most people who work in psychology are there because they want to help. and if you don't like her/him, you can just hang up. easy as that.