Borderline? Bipolar? or Just Normal?

I have just been recently diagnosed with bipolar so this whole diagnoses is rather new to me and I don't know everything that comes along with this wild ride known as the Bipolar Disorder. I was diagnosed this year (Early 2010) and ever since have been trying to find the right medicine that would finally stabilize my mood. It was a pain and literally exhausting to be searching for the medication. There were ups and downs and everything in-between. I finally think I found the right type of medicine. I am currently on 1000mg Depakote and 10mg Abilify for my bipolar though I take many other medications and vitamins to keep me functioning at an okay level. My mood swings have literally disappeared. However I can't seem to control my emotions at all. For instance I will flip about nothing and just start bawling uncontrollably. I have no control over what people like to call "staying calm in rough situations". I try my hardest but utterly fail at it. Example of this is today I didn't realize that I had moved my medicine back from my boyfriends apartment to my apartment and thought I had lost all my medicine (Scary right!) And I flipped ****. I immediately started blaming others thinking they stole my medication and I was crying uncontrollably and couldn't stop . I was yelling at everyone. Now is this because of my bipolar or is this what normal people experience? I mean this has been going on for as long as I can remember. Me getting angry. I even threatened to run my car into the tree or pole when we were driving back to my apartment to check to see if the medication was there. I just get so emotional so quick and it's hard to flip me off once this happens. I'm just curious if this is really because of bipolar or not because I thought I had found the right medication that would control every aspect of my life. Help please

Hello,

Well rest assured that everyone is different, but I totally get were your coming from. Sounds like something I go thru on a daily basis but am learning thru trial and error and different strategies how to change my behavior. One thing that you might want to remember is the medicine is not a cure all. It will work with you but won't stop the behavior. What I mean is that you have to try to have control too. That's the hardest part of the whole mess of BPD, or BP. Are you in therapy? Learning different skills to use with the medicines will help you to be able to control some of those emotions more rationally ( NOT ALWAYS) but eventually it's supposed to get better....

That dose not mean that your not normal or anything. Meds take a while too. How long have you been trying your medicine that your on? Sometimes it takes several different combos to find the right ones too??? Don't give up or beat yourself up over this. I am glad your here and talking about it...Many of us feel what your going through

Kalisha

Yes I am currently in therapy. My psychiatrist is pretty much my therapist because we have hour long discussions about my life and ways to fix it. I'm not a fan of psychologists. I have been trying the medicine I am currently on for over 3 months now I think.

That's good that you at least have someone that can help? Do you find that the medicine has made any improvement? If not have you asked for maybe a different kind of medicine? Not trying to fire to many questions at cha' just trying to think of way's to help

No this medication has been absolutely amazing in all it has done for me.

Hi Flawless,
I have taken Depakote before and when I forgot to take for a few days while I was sick. Stopping cold turkey made me very emotional and I gave my wife a real hard time, but this behaviour was not new to me because I am this way when I get in my moods. Up and down. I go from depressed to happy to empty and back to normal sometimes in an afternoon. You should talk to your doctor about it. Tell him/her what your reactions are while on the your meds, and about the any over the counter supplements your taking. Hope this helps.

Clueless

I am glad the meds are working for you Is there anything else that you think might be triggering you that could cause you to get so upset? I remember once when I "thought" I lost my meds...We were on the freeway and I was going to jump from the car! I have no idea why I panicked so much, maybe it's because we do feel such a sense of stability and were scared that if we loose our meds we might loose some of the grounding we have found? Dunno,

I have no idea I'm completely at loss of any idea of what might cause me to get so upset. I don't know if it is some disorder or what?

Flawless....now, I usually catch myself before I go off the deep end into harsh emotional chaos. I mean, maybe it happens once every year or so--and I am very, very proud of that....because when it does happen now, my husband almost freaks as much as I do: because we remember what it was like. Sometimes horrible. And for what? No good came of it, ever. It never helped the situation and always felt like gross and depressing behavior afterwards--at best. So..........I learned to catch that nano-second of choice-----because there is one. For every eruption, and for every peak in the eruption, there's this itsy moment when I can stave off the worst of it--but I have to get away from people immediatly. And I mean immediatly! OR at least be on my way to getting there, preferably with my back turned to them--literally. If I have to slide by someone to get away, that meltdown can happen in a flash. I almost never had one when I was alone--they might start, but would dissolve in tears, and that would eventually wear out and I would be very, very quiet the rest of the day until it was time for bed, then I've maybe go to bed a little early...and in the morning? There was always something that I liked, something I had the tiniest bit of gratitude for that was a sort of whew! and let me keep the memory of the mess in perspective. I'd still take it easy--avoid people, I mean--or go someplace there were people but in some quiet environment----like the library. (Movies were out, because they access an emotional part of your brain...pre-corticol or something, and I couldn't be sure I wouldn't be triggered back into the ugliness.)

Long post...........