[Yesterdays]

Today I started to do some research online. I took the sanity score, and another test I found. They both say that I score very high in Borderline Personality Disorder, and after I researched it I matched quite a few of the symptoms (especially binge eating, low self confidence, paranoid thoughts, and unstable relationships). Then I read through the "You know you're borderline when..." thread, and I know it's meant to be mostly joking around, but I actually could relate a lot of the scenarios to myself, and on the sanity score I rated an 85 in BPD.

The problem is, I don't feel like my psychiatrist listens to me. I'm always scared to tell her what I think I might have, because it makes me feel like I'm doing her job for her. I feel awkward about it, and paranoid that she'll think I'm being silly or stupid. So if anyone has brought up BPD to their doctor, how did you do it to make you feel less uncomfortable? And do you think 85 is enough to even bring this up to my doctor?

[cluelessgluten]

That and I was scared that I'm wrong and don't want to give any bias. But mostly was scared I might be right and did not want to except there was anything wrong with me so I left out a lot when talking to Pdoc. I need to go back and discuss this with doc myself. I would suggest you do the same. You can always get a 2nd opinion.

[bpd2]

The diagnosis was sort of slid under the door on me....and then slapped on me....and then just looked at calmly with me.....

So, I didn't get to tell anyone anything.....But, what I did make sure I did, as we were doing the meds adjusting thing, was make sure that I remembered to tell them all my symptoms, and I saw my psychiatrist every week for about two months, then every four weeks, and we've been at every 4-6 weeks since then, for years and years now. We change. A good psychiatrist knows that. So, one way to bring up the borderline questions would be to say, "I've been experiencing x..y..z..at such high levels it makes me feel like I'm a borderline. Do you think that could be true?"
Seems reasonable to me....Start with your symptoms and lead up to the question.

[Yesterdays]

Thanks for the advice, guys. I appreciate it.

I brought it up to my mom when I got home today, and read her the symptoms, and she said almost every single one fits me to a T. She suggested I print off the symptoms and highlight the ones that pertain to me and show the paper to my doctor, so I decided I'll do that.

[kalisha36]

Yesterday's

That's the best way to do it..Is print off the sheet and take it to your dr...That way they can go by what you check off it's easier and then they will ask you more questions from there. It kinda get's you on the right direction and it's so much easier then saying I kinda feel like this or that you know? It really dose help them and you too...Wishing you the best...

[bpd2]

Great idea!

[cluelessgluten]

That is a good idea I think I'll do that if...When I go back...to Pdoc

[cluelessgluten]

So I talked to my wife today about my ongoing issues and the past. Big step for me because I still have a lot of trust issues with her. Talking about the old days she said she thought there were days I hated her and she referred to them as my Psycho husband moments. I told her I still have those days I also told her about the paranoia. Was a real eye opener for her. I told her how I just keep a lot to my self now as far as feelings go the. The anger a little harder to hide. I still think she walks on egg shells around me. Poor woman. I do try to stop myself once I realize I am doing it again. When I'm doing something and getting agrivatted with it my youngest will tell me dad calm down. Howsabout abreak dad. How can you argue with that. I asked her if she ever gets paranoid like I do.she said no. It was emotional for us both but it was a good talk. I have my mistrust with her but I did loosen up a little. I have to do better. My youngest already has anger issues. So hard to reason with him when he gets that way. I don't want him to be like me. Well at least not an a-hole like me. I tell him so all the time that what dad does is wrong and That we both need to learn better ways of dealing with it. Maybe as I learn I can mentor him. I wonder sometime if this isn't genetic. One oldest boy real stable and very patient. Youngest is more like me. My mom is the same way as me. Did I learn this from her and teach it to him, then how come my oldest boy is so much more sensible. My psychology says it is probably both. Who knows. I do know I want to be a better role model for him he deserves it. They both do. And my wife deserves someone less *****y. I worry she'll meet him and put up with her psycho husband anymore. Well at least we are talking about it and I got some things off my chest with her. That's a start.

[bpd2]

Clueless--what a huge step! This is so great for your relationship. It's a brave thing to do...and you have to keep doing it for them to really get how ongoing it is.

A thought about your kids....I was taught to make sure that I talked about my actions as wrong, not me as wrong (pretty difficult when you feel completely at fault). It's important for kids to see us as lovable and capable, just like we want them to be. In an affirmations chat I was in last week , one of Gus's comments was don't call yourself a name you wouldn't call a child...........I've been thinking about that, and catching myself: it's turning out to be very good advice. (Makes a tear come to my eye every once in awhile, but....all for the good).

I am so glad for you. This was a huge step, and so important.

[cluelessgluten]

Thanks BPD2. I really appreciate the advice. I have so many good qualities but I tend to focus on the negative. Ill try fotlr them to be more up beat. Not always easy though. Thanks again. :-)