[ThaDMC]

I am a truly happily married man, but my BPD is constantly causing problems in our relationship lately. I think it has something to do with everyone else's marriages crumbling around us, but I am not certain of that. I am certain that I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world, and I am hurting her and our marriage. I need to find a way to cope with these feelings of insecurity, jealousy, insanity...et al...I just need to be able to be a good husband for her again.

She swears that I am all there is for her, but surely this insane treatment is going to drive her away, but when I think of this it just makes me even worse, because it feels that abandonment is just inevitable. I am heartbroken for her and for myself.

I am so sorry you are struggling with these feelings.Can you say why you feel jealous and insecure hun?...Where did those feelings arise from.You sound as tho' you genuinely love her...and that your self esteem is low.There must be a place where that originated?Something hurt you.I will look for your reply ...I want you to be reassured that the dynamics of your issues can be dealt with once you gain insight ok?...Don't give up.I am sure you and she can heal.~WO.olf~P.S tons and tons of awesum ppl here willing to assist you.Be hopeful

[bpd2]

Hi, ThaDMC--many, many, many of us know these feelings. Woolfie is right--the dynamics are deal-able.
I'm glad to hear you have a therapist....Does your wife have one two, do you two do any couples' counseling?

See?...Here is BPD2...LOLOL

[bpd2]

(((wolfie!)))
and ((((ThaMCC))))--and where's your next post, eh?

[shezbut]

(((ThaDMC)))

Unfortunately, I've been down that road that you find yourself on. My hub and I were together for many years ~ 15 married (I think?) and 3 living together. I tried very hard to put myself together. Every 6 months or so, I would be struck by this intense panic. Panic that I couldn't be a good wife. What if I wasn't truly "in love" with him?? It couldn't be! The emotional turmoil was incredibly intense ~ I remember it very well!!

I saw therapists throughout, trying to fix myself. Yet those horrible fears kept sneaking into my life at the best times. It was a horror My hub was supportive, but confused by my fears. He could not understand where these intense feelings were coming from. Part of my horror was physical: I had epilepsy, and was having seizures completely undiagnosed and untreated for many years. Treatment wasn't easy for me to obtain though, and simply added another puzzle piece to my very messy world.

My story obviously isn't the happiest one out there. Some people here do have successful marriages, and feel safe & comfortable in their world. I am not one of those people, and don't intend to scare you. I just want you to know how well I understand what you are feeling inside. My experience has taught me to be more flexible ~ as well as to work through my emotions. Don't let them build up inside of me, while I completely deny their existance. Admitting those emotions, and going on to work through the memories has been a very long road. But going down that path was unavoidable!

Very best wishes to you and your wife. While looking back on your life may not be what you want to do, it is an important part of working through your hell. The thoughts and feelings will make their way out of you in one way or another. Better to bring them out on your own terms, with professional help (if needed).

[cluelessgluten]

Know how you feel DMC. I have been married 18 years and question all the time why I stay why she stays. We have a better relationship now but it wasn't always so. For years I had the extream ups and downs where I love here hate her. everything was her fault. she could do nothing right. I of course would not believe there was anything wrong with me. so that made it worse. Now that I have exepted there is something wrong I am aware when I am doing it again and sometimes can control it but not always. still have aways to go. Hang in there keep getting help and it will get better if you let it. Not always easy so hang and hopefully she will be understanding and forgiving.

[Gus1234U]

remember there are hosted chats here on PC that help you get some skills and some perspective,, look on your calendar to see which ones interesty you and when they are~! best wishes,, Gus

[bpd2]

ThaDMC...where'd you go? It's been three days......