Overwhelming emotions not easing ~ HELP!!

In case you haven't read my post in the Emotions area, I'll sum it up lightly: my sister has antisocial personality disorder. For good reason. She wasn't shown love or care at all in youth (or beyond). I'm 4 years younger than her, and have always been aware that my sister was not shown love. It bugged the heck out of me ~ always! My brother (3 years older than I, 1 year younger than sis) hated each other. They fought very hard all of the time. I would stand and scream (at the top of my lungs) for them to stop.

I hated the fights, the screaming, the anger. So much emotion, and so intense. I just wanted to escape the insanity!! My poor sister chose to grow up in juvenile hall, rather than at home (when she was in court). How freaking sad!

Anyway, my sister contacted me through facebook. Wonderful ~ because I hadn't seen or talked with her in about 15 years! I am also filled with a lot of anxiety and anger (towards my parents & family). I can't stand it!! Why am I the only one in the family who cares about her?! Freaking sick, pos parents! I HATE them!!! How could they live with themselves? I don't understand!

My sister thankfully remembers the dark times that have been plaguing my memory ~ incest, molestation, etc. I am not making these memories up! Now, what's their defense?? These emotions are overpowering inside of me. I can feel a huge heaviness inside my chest as I type this.

I just saw my T today & now have 2 weeks before I can see him again. Holy crap! How am I going to make it until then??? Please, please help me through this hell.

Shez

Why don't you use this thread as you diary? Or you could grab a pen and do a diary at home.
It might help to release some of the pain you're feeling

Your sister is lucky to have you. I think your feelings are completely understandable. Just remember that you couldn't/can't control your parents behavior. You'll be in my thoughts.

((shez))

You seem like a very loving person. Many people would run from someone (be it their relative, friend, or a stranger) if they learned that the person in question had antisocial personality disorder. The fact that you are willing to look beyond the label (especially given that your sister has shown you very little love) is extremely commendable.

The world needs more people like you! Unfortunately, you cannot control your parents' actions and attitudes, nor can you travel back in time and protect your family from all of the painful trauma. All you can do is continue to have compassion towards your sister and attempt to forgive your parents. And be gentle with yourself! I hope that you find peace soon.

Good idea, Flooded. Thanks for the tip ~ 2 weeks is a long time to keep all of these thoughts and emotions in mind. Maybe writing about these thoughts in depth would help help me emotionally. I'll give it a shot.

Thank you!
Shez

Secretum,

Thank you for your kind words.

It is in the past, you are right. Even though it feels like yesterday. Before my sister contacted me last week, I've been struggling with the memories of my childhood. Pulled back almost completely from my family ~ because I can't stand it. Those memories are even more intense now.

My BPD makes even more sense. Awfully hard for me to trust my parents, given what I saw & went through as I was growing up. My emotions were a seesaw then ~ desperate to get my family to get along & show love to each other. It was impossible! Sad

Hopefully, the intensity of these emotions and memories will wane soon. My daughters coming over ought to help, as that requires lots of attention! Thank you for your thoughtful post. I appreciate it!

Shez

One thing that I do to help with huge emotions, is I bought a large sized sketch book for my daily diary. It has no lines. I can write anyway I want to with anything, even crayons. Sometimes I paint pictures and throw glitter glue all over them, it's fun. Then on the days I really need to, I tear out of magazines pictures that resemble my huge emotions and paste them in the sketchbook. It takes on a story and the pictures are pretty telling. I usually use National Geographic or even obscure photography magazines, they usually have bizzare images which works for me. I have about 5 pages of these collages that I am bringing in with me to show my T next week. On other days when I can manage emotions, I write on the pages.

It seems to turn huge emotions into a positive experience and it reduces the level of emotion.

Very interesting idea June_Bug. I love it!!

I can imagine that could be very therapuetic, and interesting to look back upon. Thank you for the tip!