Just Venting

I swear I feel like a big ***** whiney baby sometimes. I want to have temper-tantrums over damn near every LITTLE thing that doesn't go the way I NEED it to.

Whenever I leave my BF's house he tells me to call to let him know I made it home safely.
When I left yesterday he was playing chess with his cousin. I know his whole Thursday routine with that, how long his cousin stays and the whole thing.

I called when I made it in, he answered. I called about a good 2 hours later and no answer to my call or text. NOW I'm going insane. I know he's doing something he has no f***ing business doing, he probably has some *****s over there with his cousin and a variety of other thoughts. Sometimes he'll fall asleep, but then he calls me back an HOUR after he wasn't answering. So, I say, **** you, I'm not answering my phone, I always answer for you no matter what, whenever I'm around you have the phone in your ***, but all of a sudden when I leave you don't pay it any attention, BULLS**T! So, I didn't answer for him for the rest of the night.

Then this morning I find out that he didn't even have to work today, why didn't he tell me that? So, now I'm pissed at him that I have to be at work and I FREAKIN DON'T WANT TO BE and I'm TIRED and he's home sleeping and probably talking to girls and whatever else he can do and I really want to yell at him.

I know those thoughts are irrational which is the ONLY reason I'm not going to lay in on him, but these thoughts lay in on me HARD! BPD, I want to KILL YOU!

i know those feelings! i'm mad at mine because he's unemployed and instead of looking for a job he decides he's so stressed he deserves a vacation to the beach. but tonight when he comes home, i'm going to be expected to come sit with him at his parent's house with my thumb up my *** staring at the wall because he doesn't have the money to go anywhere. i get angry when i feel taken for granted.

good for you that you came to a safe place where you could vent instead of laying into the BF!!!

Thanks! I'm trying to not give him such a hard time because he's so patient with me, but someone being that nice to me flares up my "too-good-to-be-true" anxiety and I start thinking of all the possible things that could be going on behind my back that will put me into a major depression that i'm trying to avoid instead of all the good things he does for me. Which makes me not even able to love him like I'm capable of. All because of ONE ex-boyfriend that hid his cheating so well it is STILL boggling my mind. My brain is an A**hole.

Now, on to YOUR boyfriend...How the H-E-L-L did he afford a trip to the beach then, unless you guys live pretty close. I'm in NY, I don't know that luxury of having a beach in my backyard.

Anyway, I think your boyfriend would be pissing any woman off doing what he's doing. I hope he's not out of his 20s acting like that. You SHOULD lay in on HIM! LOL!