[Trippin2.0]

He's back, well sort of. He's made it clear that he wants to be back.
And while it makes NO logical sense, I want him to be back...

I love him,honestly I do,he used to be my best friend. But I doubt that he can give me what I need, and on the other hand, sometimes my needs are just plain high maintainence. So i'm very unsure about healthy v.s unhealthy expectations.

His 'dissapearing act' of November is honestly the very 1st time he's let me down in the 12yrs we've been friends, so i'm inclined to forgive him...

But idk, I really don't. Part of me feels like I'm being reeled in,scared I'm just entertainment. Other part of me knows he loves me,despite his emotional short-comings.

I know it's easier,simpler for me to be alone, but he's the guy I've been wanting since I was 15... And somehow, I've never been able to really walk away, then again,neither has he. Btw, our 'relationship' does not revolve around the physical. So no matter what lies my mind wants to cook up to protect me, I know he was never using me.

Idk, i just think that maybe we love eachother on different levels. Will that ever be enough for me?

Should I hear him out? Test the waters? Or should I run and hide until he loses interest?

I posted this here coz I knew you guys would have a better feel for this particular relationship dynamic...

[Rosie23]

Trust your instincts. Which is hard to do sometimes when you have all this emotional involvement.
Talk it over with him. Figure out what went wrong and what can each of you do to fix it.
Easier said than done.
But if it isn't an abusive or a truly unhealthy relationship, try to work it out.
Good Luck!

[Forgive77]

Well.....I haven't been around much so I don't know what you went through in November...but my short sight is telling me he's been with you for 15 years...and he's been your friend. I am sure he missed you. Our brains do tricky things, and I hate when people point that out it makes me feel sick and crazy. I think I would have flipped out if someone went MIA on me. Meaning....sent me into dispare. I probably would have left a nasty voice mail in the past. But...if you've read the "Venus / Mars" books, it might make you feel better. He may have pulled away to come back and love and care for you more. Read some of the "cave" chaper, and the "rubber band" chapter. Those two alone might solve your problems. hugs and kisses to you. I think your feelings are right...but I think he's coming back into the picture because he took a bit to think about it and realized life is better with you in his life. Just breathe...get the book, read those two chapters, then talk to him.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks guys
I really want to be with him, but mahn! Am i scared...
A bit of backround: we fell inlove back in HS, but he was dating a friend of mine. After HS, he went abroad for a few yrs and got involved with a very dodgy guy (drugs,gangs,abuse),finally got rid of the guy for 'our' daughter's sake.

Then he came back home in '09 (we were in regular contact) and we met up, and confessed that we still loved eachother.

We decided mutually that we didn't want an official relationship (which in hindesite makes no sense,as we act like a couple and talk like a couple) but we both had baggage...

He had a gf who comitted suicide and I'm not exactly the picture of stability.

Me? I didn't want a repeat of my 1st bf (didn't think he'd hit me, just didnt want it to end and be all for nothing) aaand had/have alot of baggage,PLUS my bpd/bp stuff...

Ffwd to today, I'm scared I haven't and will not be able to let go of the damage my X left behind. He left me feeling unworthy...

What if I mess up again? What if hurt him again? What if i'm not good enough for him?

Idk what i'm asking of you guys. Maybe say 'Ophelia,don't be such a sissy'? Idk

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Thanks guys
I really want to be with him, but mahn! Am i scared...
A bit of backround: we fell inlove back in HS, but he was dating a friend of mine. After HS, he went abroad for a few yrs and got involved with a very dodgy guy (drugs,gangs,abuse),finally got rid of the guy for 'our' daughter's sake.

Then he came back home in '09 (we were in regular contact) and we met up, and confessed that we still loved eachother.

We decided mutually that we didn't want an official relationship (which in hindesite makes no sense,as we act like a couple and talk like a couple) but we both had baggage...

He had a gf who comitted suicide and I'm not exactly the picture of stability.

PS...some CBT/DBT...your ex cannot hurt you any longer. You are safe. You really are. =)

Me? I didn't want a repeat of my 1st bf (didn't think he'd hit me, just didnt want it to end and be all for nothing) aaand had/have alot of baggage,PLUS my bpd/bp stuff...

Ffwd to today, I'm scared I haven't and will not be able to let go of the damage my X left behind. He left me feeling unworthy...

What if I mess up again? What if hurt him again? What if i'm not good enough for him?

Idk what i'm asking of you guys. Maybe say 'Ophelia,don't be such a sissy'? Idk

Has he done anything than having just gone away? If not...don't worry about it. He's been in your life for 15 years....you know everything about him and he knows everything about you. Unless you know it is going to be toxic b/c of his issues, and him not working on them...then I think it'll be okay. Get the book I told you about. You are so much better now than the last time I saw you cutie. I think you'll be fine. He knows your issues....take a deep breath and believe in it. But get the book so you don't go insane!!

I had a PS I don't know where it went. Here's some FREE DBT/CBT. You are safe now. Your EX can no longer hurt you. Soak that in and believe and understand that, and don't hold on to anything else.