[athena2011]

Argggggh.

This morning i met with my kids' therapists, childrens aid and my ex regarding my kids and their needs. My ex had recently got wind of a report (which is private) that recommended less time with me but more QUALITY time with me. It did NOT recommend more time with him, but since the kids' therapist doesn't know him much yet, she has decided to go with the recommendation of the report, with the added opinion that they spend more time with him. Not on a permanent basis, just until I can feel emotionally safe.

The whole sad irony to this is that the ex is the cause of me not feeling emotionally safe. But nobody hears me. Nobody wants to hear me. He has threatened to live off me, take the kids, and require me to support them 100% as well, at various times over the past four years. He also threatened to make me 'top up' his half of MY ASSETS (he had none because he spent every dime he had on himself even when he did work) ie: now he wants to eat into MY HALF of my assets. ie: threatening to take all of the assets and more than half my future income. And the G**dam lawyers are wrapped around his little finger, he's got them convinced he can't support himself. Basically agreeing to feed his narcissistic entitlement addiction. We're not talking stay at home uneducated dad here who sacrificed his career so I could go out and work. We're talking about a university educated, former VP of a major bank (top 20 in the world). I never took a break, no maternity leave, nothing. Breast fed as I was on the phone with clients, typing on the computer, getting out client files, whatever. On four hours of sleep a night! Because SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT! Just a small timing problem for me - he was running a cockamimi hobby business at the date of separation. I was working my *ss off supporting the whole family because SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT!

So, even before the meeting he already talked with his lawyer, just on the mere mention of the existence of a report, got a meeting set up with her tomorrow already. Wants to change access wording in the agreement. I see another attempt at a money grab coming. Man this guy's a weasel.

So moral of the story - never EVER EVER show emotional weakness around a narcissistic spouse when you're in the midst of divorce. He will use it as a weapon against you. If you want to divorce a lazy narcissistic ex, quit your job first. Shuffle your savings off to a safe place first. Appear to be the perfect parent but the most inept worker. Because that's exactly the game they will play and if you don't fight fire with fire, you will lose everything, including your kids. F**k morality and decency when you deal with somebody like that - it will get you killed

CRAP - the Seroquel's not working but i gotta drive somewhere and can't risk taking more. No relief for me

[Trippin2.0]

I don't know what to say, but I can offer you some (((hugs)))... XOXO

[Rosie23]

Wow. That stinks. I am so sorry you have to go through that. My ex was an *** too.

[athena2011]

Thanks Trippin and Rosie. Nice to have some hugs and words of support.

[athena2011]

I am so so so tired now. I just want to be left alone. Live and let live. Just too much to ask of some people. They'd rather see you dead.

Had the massive anxiety......then....CRASH!.....now....we see....

vvvvvvVVVVVVVV\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/-------------------------------------

[become_UNmasked]

*hugs* i send you lots of *hugs*

[cboxpalace]

Hi Athena,

Sorry to hear of all the stress and anxiety you're going through. Hopefully, this will resolve itself sooner rather than later. We're all here to support you.. -cbox

...athena, that had me holding my head in my hand...I guess you got your head in both hands.
I'm kinda blitzed today to say much....but I will say that yeah...you have real friends here...we care....
yup!...from the americans
yep!...from the Australian

[Trippin2.0]

And the South African!

[athena2011]

Thanks so much you guys - Become, Cbox, Monkey, Trippin.

Even though Seroquel makes me totally dysfunctional, it did eventually kick in. Somehow I managed to take one kid to therapy, spoke with the other kids' T, refused to sign her authorization form for information to go from the T to Children's Aid, took the other kid to choir, entertained the 7 year old for one and 1/2 hours while we waited for the 10 year old then I was done, done, done and just mustered enough energy to get the kids and myself to bed. Poor kids were due for a bath last night.

Not doing so great today so I went to see "A Dangerous Method" to distract myself. It kinda worked. Took me off my immediate problems anyway. More distraction is needed. I can't stop the 'runaway train that is my thoughts' from going over a cliff. Steppin off the train...

[shipping]

I am sorry all of this is happening to you, athena2011, and I'm frustrated that our society allows things like this to happen all the time. My son's father never paid a cent of child support, at one point had the nerve to suggest he could get alimony from me because I had an education--I paid for that education entirely with student loans because he would not pay child support! He had all sorts of tricks for avoiding it--he left the state first of all and then managed to injure himself so he could go on disability. Meanwhile I now am paying back 120,000 dollars with my current spouse helping, and it is not his debt and of course it causes much tension and financial hardship even though we have degrees and jobs. So sorry! Because I just used this reply to rant. I was sparked because I am so fed up with this happening to women and children. I hope you keep feeling better--it sounds as though you did a wonderful, loving, and amazing job managing the kids the other day and evening. I know you are a wonderful mother. Deep inside somewhere, the kids understand that you are suffering and yet loving them and doing your best. Being a mother is terribly difficult and I commend you for all you are doing. And thanks again for responding to my first post.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by shipping

I am sorry all of this is happening to you, athena2011, and I'm frustrated that our society allows things like this to happen all the time. My son's father never paid a cent of child support, at one point had the nerve to suggest he could get alimony from me because I had an education--I paid for that education entirely with student loans because he would not pay child support! He had all sorts of tricks for avoiding it--he left the state first of all and then managed to injure himself so he could go on disability. Meanwhile I now am paying back 120,000 dollars with my current spouse helping, and it is not his debt and of course it causes much tension and financial hardship even though we have degrees and jobs. So sorry! Because I just used this reply to rant. I was sparked because I am so fed up with this happening to women and children. I hope you keep feeling better--it sounds as though you did a wonderful, loving, and amazing job managing the kids the other day and evening. I know you are a wonderful mother. Deep inside somewhere, the kids understand that you are suffering and yet loving them and doing your best. Being a mother is terribly difficult and I commend you for all you are doing. And thanks again for responding to my first post.

Thanks for the kind words of support Shipping. And don't worry about ranting here, it's nice to know I'm not alone (although I'm sorry you had to go through that with your ex).

However, I don't want this to become a gender-specific thread, I just heard a horror story from a guy whose wife lost her job just before they got married, never went back to work for the entire marriage and sounded like a horrible mother (who picks up their kids 2 hours late from school then talks to their daughters about the wonderful shoes she just bought?!) Just one example. He pays full spousal support and child support. His divorce proceedings are into the 10th year now. He sounds completely beat up and walked all over - just like me. There's manipulative, narcissistic, toxic spouses of both genders out there.