should I go in?

So what if she yells at everyone...that just makes her look dumb, and like she's not trying to take care of you!!! If you want to be a resident of a psych ward.....don't pluck up the courage...if not...tell your pdoc...and take control of the situation. It's not going to make you lose your mom...I swear it isn't. This is about you...not them.

Any doctor that wont see you when you call...is a quack...mine does skype, and therapy on the phone!!!

it's sunday here and i only have her work number.. cuz she knows i have contact with the crisis team for out of business hours. i'm thinking about calling and leaving a message to see if an appt early this week is possible.. but i'm scared because i know she has a duty of care and i REALLY don't want to end up back in that hospital. and every time she's been worried about my safety she called my DBT T cuz she has more power to do something cuz my private psych is across the bridge out of area. i'm sure that if she has the time she will see me, thats not what worries me. it's her having to act out of duty of care.. then my cousins get involved and i can't handle them if i get put under the mental health act cuz they'll be shity i'm not taking responsibility for myself and stuff..

and the other thing is once i'm there what am i meant to say? i'm here because at the moment i've decided not to go back to DBT.. all she's gonna do is send me to my T. she's said that i can't see her only cuz she can't provide enough support.

arrrrgh

It's not like you think...even if you were sent to the hospital...who cares? It might be better, b/c they will medicate you if you want to. Like I said..you are the only one in control of your destiny...it's all you baby...the rest of them can go do things to themselves....why suffer? Go to the dreaded hospital...and get what you want and make the best of it. Do it for you?

its just that they all know me there.. they are sick of me.. they think i'm attention seeking.. so they admitt me over night and discharge me in the morning no matter what.. so it causes problems with my family but doesn't help me therefore it's pointless to go through the problems with my family because i'm not getting anything out of it.

if i knew the hospital would help then i would do it.. but i know that they won't.

Rose sweetheart buddy....I have not been to sleep yet and am a bit awkward and prefer not to be seen as such.....so I must rest my crazy head girly girl!...thankyou for staying alive ....awesome!!...you made a crazy guy happy Rose

time for J bed...nite ...have a nice day. (sounds weird from a hard boy)

love, james

I just put the kids to bed...I must go to as my meds are kicking in. You made it another night...well day for you I guess. Go hold some ice...pretend like your getting a drink. Put ice in it....and then try to hold it. It'll get your mind off of things. If you have to do it many times....go for it!!

thanks for your support.

just have to add that i also have a crazy non-believing mother. gets my blood boiling just thinking about typing to y'all what all she's in denial about. she has so many problems of her own, but thinks she's perfect and lives a perfect life. so of course her daughter (me) must be perfect too! she's frustrated with me because "everything would be fine if i would 'JUST ACT RIGHT'" ugh!!! no wonder i feel like i would have to follow through with sui before she would EVER understand- because that's the truth! she'll be in denial until the end! silly me, i even thought she'd be the first to understand and accept my BPD diagnosis, because she's one of the main ones who's seen the brunt of my wild emotions, splitting, and lack of concrete sense of self. but alas, no, "you don't have BPD" she says to me, "before you were just being dramatic & fishing for attention!" and now, with the diagnosis she says, "you're just self-fulfilling prophecies!" ahh i cannot win for losing with her! darned if i do and darned if i dont! at least i know now (with the help of therapy) that SHE's the crazy one hehe

hugs to you QuietOne i'm still scared as hell to stand up to my mother as well. i'll probably be 70 and still letting her walk all over me. if she doesn't push me over the edge to "teach her a quick lesson" before then which i hope she doesn't, because i want more dogs

hang in there girl, that tiny little thread you're hanging on by is stronger than you think.
-E